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'An Empirical Analysis of Racial Differences in Use of Police Force' by Roland Fryer
Link to study:
https://scholar.harvard.edu/fryer/publications/empirical-analysis-racial-differences-police-use-force
Some bullets:
- Blacks 53% more likely to experience any use of force relative to 15% for whites
- All controls available, officers 46.6% less likely to discharge firearms before being attacked if suspect is black.
- Black officers are more likely to shoot unarmed whites, relative to white officers.
- Blacks are 21% less likely to report voluntary interaction with police than whites.
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you probably married him knowing all these things... you can't expect people to change
Going to be the minority here, but I’m going to say what I think you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. You swore a sacred vow to this person, to love him in sickness, health, stupidity, and all of the above. Those were your words, your vow. You should honor that and aim to fix the relationship rather than call it quits.
You should have an honest talk with your husband and potentially go to couple’s counseling. I wouldn’t throw your husband out the door for being imperfect. We all are, albeit to differing degrees - but all imperfect nonetheless. If everybody broke their commitments when the times got tough, nobody would commit to one another. What a sad world that would be.
And times get tough for all of us. You’re not alone.
If you want to work it out, have you tried therapy? Either as a couple or just for you. Can help you approach the division of household tasks and your communication around it. Honestly I’d recommend both going with him since there’s clearly some deeper issues than not doing the laundry going on here, and for you so you can learn to manage your own feelings and communication about the situation.
(CONTINUE) all the time. He doesn't earn more money than I do. He is not good at negotiating either at work or dealing with things for our family. I am really frustrated all the time, can't trust him for anything he does. Many many times I think that I would be happier just by myself. People say when you are married, you are a team with your husband, I guess I just got a very stupid team mate. I am so tired of being a mom all the time to him. It's harder to couch him than coaching my staff at work.
I think we married the same idiot.
I could be wrong, but I got a little feeling this person is flirting and being hit on a specific person and it is making them want to cheat so they are blaming their spouse
I find this post disrespectful to your spouse. Is he similarly disrespectful to you?
OP, look inward first. He does things his way. They may not be YOUR way but that still does not make someone "stupid". My wife doesn't separate colours from whites but she's still my soul mate and I do the laundry as much as possible. I can't cook to save my life but she keeps me fed and i save her the time but running her errands and doing the groceries. Do we have issues? Yes. Every marriage does. But your issues seem to be yours and not so much your husband's. From the way you speak about him, and some of your statements, I might venture a guess where you are from simply because the mentality you display is one I am familiar with. Nobody is perfect, work with what you've got.
Sounds like the husband has a miserable wife. Maybe he can pull some alimony
I know you are frustrated, but I really think you need to see a therapist to discuss this. I had another friend whose marriage fell apart with exactly the same complaints. It sounds like your issue, not his.
OP sounds like a millennial
~Unknown Millennial
Goodness. Wonder what feedback he would have for you OP? Relationships are a two way street. Maybe take some time for couples therapy or at least some time to communicate with him about these issues. And to what others have said above, name calling is really not necessary. Maybe think about a more constructive way to communicate your frustration and feelings.
And remember why you married him in the first place. He must have had some good qualities. Your expectations may not match his strengths, but you’re stronger as a couple when you appreciate how you complement one other. Been there! Lost him to cancer this year and cry even in my sleep....
I understand your struggle. I deal with it in a daily basis. It sounds like you both aren't feeling connected. Most of these things don't feel like such a big deal when you are feeling connected. Spend some quality time together. Remember to acknowledge what he does well.
Also, stop expecting him to do everything. Just because you are the primary wage earner doesn't mean that he has the energy after work to do these things either. Hire someone to clean. Talk to him. Figure out what is draining him. Let him take on certain responsibilities and handle them HIS way. This is very hard for me, but letting go is necessary. If you can let go, it is likely that he'll take on more.
Amen lol. These aren’t problems if you are connected and emotionally satisfied with the person.
Why is everyone assuming OP has kids? Did she say that somewhere?
Also, OP hasn't replied since the tide turned against her. Can we safely assume she took her tirade elsewhere? Maybe time to put this matter to bed?
Time for a new husband.
Sounds like you made a shit decision. The fault is entirely yours.
You complemented your own response 😂
EY7- The chick is tired and needs to move on. You just gonna waste your money and time with counselling or maybe the counsellor would tell you to just quit. OP, I can tell you are not happy, and your husband too is probably not happy. Lord knows if I was your husband I would have asked for a divorce ages ago since you clearly don’t want me. A great marriage takes 2, once one person is done. The marriage is done!
Get in therapy. You married him for some reason. Try and work it out before throwing in the towel. Something may be going on that’s making him act like less of a teammate - and TBH you’re probably on his ass constantly which won’t make matters better. My husband and I dealt with different issues but the root was my husband felt no purpose in life. Maybe that’s not what is happening here but just want to share that therapy helped us figure that out. It could help you guys too.
A little time has passed since you posted this OP, and you got many many responses. Just wondering if your perspective changed at all? 🤞
Divorce this lazy pig. Take the kids, find them a father who gives a damn, and take this guy to court for child support.
Don't waste your life, or the lives of your children, for someone who doesn't care.
You expect the woman to be "nice and polite", while simultaneously making excuses for a negligent and uncaring man... how funny.
I smell a double standard.
You are not alone, my husband is stupid too. I made my husband a “Chore Chart” and sold it to him as something I wanted to do to keep our home consistently clean like the moms on Pinterest.
Sunday: Clean Bedrooms and Office
Monday: Nothing
Tuesday: Bathrooms
Wednesday: Kitchen/Dining Room
Thursday: Living Room
Friday: Nothing
Saturday: Frontyard/Backyard
Dishes and Laundry Everyday
The longer we are married, the more he regresses as a human being. The chart has helped especially if I am really busy or stressed he knows exactly what to do to help out.
Yes, but a housekeeper only cleans the mess. That doesn’t fix not the feeling of carrying most of the responsibility and not being a team.
Maybe he is stupid and not ready for adulting. It takes more time for some people. If you don’t have patience for that it’s incompatibility.
Personally, I would never marry anyone that can’t take care of himself. If you did it with eyes wide open, it is your problem. Ask yourself why it’s not a problem before? My sister married someone just as helpless (but he is good father) but she never complained because she loved him. So are you no longer in love? All faults are magnified. Even if he helps out more, you would not be satisfied if that is the case.