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Guys, has the gym at Bangalore office opened up?
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Any book recommendations on change management?
Job-Hunting reach-out to VC from previous fundraising effort for own startup
I have e-mail archive from 1y ago of my reach-out to 65 VCs in London: we had video calls, they might remember me still, who knows.
I want to send a reply/forward message to the same e-mail thread from abc@gmail.com, saying that I am looking for roles within their VC firm. Is that a good idea?
Or shall I just start new email thread and mention how I know them?
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I'm going to sleep. Good night, everyone!
What is the leave policy in JP Morgan?
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Pause. Breathe. Proceed.
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Rising Star
You can feel however you want to feel. You've come to a forum where many of us work a program where we 1) evaluate our own role in a dispute and consider the perspective of the other person 2) accept what we can't change 3) avoid unnecessary conflict.
Among other things, this approach helps us with achieving mental and spiritual peace, which results in our ability to stay sober. So take the advice with that in mind - I would not confront this person. There is nothing to be gained nor would it have changed the primary issue had they come to you sooner. If you consider this friend's perspective, their loyalty is likely to their friend, not you. You can almost be certain they would have felt conflicted on how to approach this situation. People aren't perfect. You may learn from this and choose to engage with this person differently in the future. I'd focus on what you can control, and that's taking action to help your partner maintain their sobriety. I'll go one step further that starting or prolonging a dispute with your partners friend may actually cause your partner more strife in maintaining sobriety.
Thank you for reframing and your perspective. Ultimately, the anger is harming myself more than anyone else. And the last thing I want to do is impact my partner’s recovery. I started Al Anon last night and clearly need to work the program. I truly appreciate your feedback.
Pro
Hiding one's drinking, or using, is very common for us alcoholics. With that, it's typical to feel a deep sense of shame and failure. This is especially true of the ones closest to us, who we love the most - we become scared and afraid of losing the ones we love, because we cannot control our disease.
Do you know the circumstances as to why you were not told? Did your partner ask their friend not to tell you? Was your partners alcoholic logic perhaps they didn't want you to know, for fear it would anger you?
No one can tell you not to be angry, but you have to decide what action to take next, and if actions fueled by anger and resentment are the best course of action right now. If you aren't already in an Al Anon group, seek one out. The ppl in relationships with alcoholics, are who have chosen to exit relationships with alcoholics can provide the best perspective right now. I am sorry you are experiencing this. I am 1.5 years sober, for context. My second marriage is in the process of ending, partly due to my alcoholism, partly due to issues and trauma my spouse brought to the table. These are all difficult and challenging issues, and it will test you. But my greatest insights and sense of balance has come from AA and the fellowship I have found there. It is true that trying to grapple with this on one's one is not easy and rarely successful, hence the core of the AA and Al Anon model is meeting with others who have or had similar struggles.
Thank you for this insight! I’m going to do just that.
Pro
I can certainly see a reality where both the friend and sister are trying to be supportive and chose to respect your partner's ask to not tell you. They very well may have convinced themselves that it was both best for their brother/friend and somehow also protecting your relationship (I'm not saying that it's right or wrong).
Something else I hear in the rooms of AA often is to presume good intent. If you know that their heart is in the right place, it's harder to get angry at someone doing what they think is best in the situation.
I'm over a decade sober and in AA, and I am currently tasked with caring for my delusional alcoholic Mom. There is no owner's manual for situations like this, and I ofter second guess what the right next step is. Those of us who care for alcoholics are just trying to do the best that we can.
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This was such a helpful, thought-provoking answer. Thank you. They’re independently good people. And I know they were trying to support him (from afar). I appreciate your perspective.
Congratulations on sobriety and my best of luck to you caring for your mother. You’re right—there’s no manual, it’s incredibly tough work, and we are all just trying to do our best.
There are a few things that people have said already, but I am teaching my kids this as I learn it myself.
Your feelings are valid.
You can't control other people.
If you have a problem with someone, or something, at a minimum, say and acknowledge that there is a problem, if you can say it out loud to yourself, you can hopefully say it to the person.
Also, if you have an expectation, it is helpful to declare it, so that it gives the other person a chance to meet your expectations.
Deliver the conversation respectfully, even if the other person isn't giving it back, and it will help set the tone.
You are doing both yourselves a disservice by not holding someone accountable.
Best of luck to you. I hope some of this helps. Please realize, that I recognize that none of this is easy to do, which is why I am teaching my kids. Lol.
And to clarify, when he reached out to his sister, he did so because he was “extremely concerned” about my partner’s drinking. His sister also did not say anything to me even though we are supposedly close.