{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "After spending two weeks in the apartment with my girlfriend, I realize that she really annoys me and I cannot stand her habits. But before this I really liked hanging out with her on Friday nights", "post_id": "5e82c01ac1dbd6001a236031", "reply_count": 248, "vote_count": 557, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "The Work-Life Bowl", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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After spending two weeks in the apartment with my girlfriend, I realize that she really annoys me and I cannot stand her habits. But before this I really liked hanging out with her on Friday nights

likefunnysmartuplifting
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Lol. Sounds like you’re in the same relationship I am in. I’m the lazy butt that doesn’t clean though.

I’d recommend you set boundaries and expectations with your SO. My boyfriend and I had a chat and things are working so well!

I pay more rent than he does now. He washes our clothes and does the dishes when I cook. He loves to clean and it helps him reduce his stress. So I go garden or play video games while he cleans with his headphones on...

There are times when he asks if I can help and when he does I stop doing what I’m doing and help out. Having a clean home is super important to him so I try my best to help him maintain it clean.

I’d say talk to her about it. And if you already have.. set boundaries and it that doesn’t work.. run.

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Hey OP. I also like things neat and tidy. My person is opposite. But not as gross as your gf wow. Also my person is making an effort.

So I guess what I want to say is that not everyone will be as neat/clean as you but there will be people who are not as bad as your current gf. Does that make sense? Like you don’t have to settle even as there is no perfect person. I also think about how I might be so bored and annoyed by someone who is as clean or cleaner than me.

The other thing is about respect and effort. It’s still your house. Why can’t your gf respect your no-popcorn-in-bed rule? Why can’t she treat the place nice? If she can’t behave imagine how she would be staying at your parents for a weekend. My messy boo is still messy but he’s making an effort and things have changed and it’s amazing to feel that difference. You can find someone who loves you and tries hard even if they are not exactly like you in their habits.

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You have two options:
1. Break up with your gf
2. Never leave consulting

likefunnysmartuplifting

Both will get old. Be happy now

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Let her go and don’t waste her time.

likeuplifting

Just maybe he’s doing her a huge favor.

Thanks all. We’ve been on vacation together and it was great. Things that are annoying me about her, putting her dirty feet on the couch, leaving dirty dishes in the sink. She seems to be distracted easily and in the middle of making a meal, she sends an email for work and then forgets she left her sandwich items out. I like things neat and clean. She’s kind of unmindful of keeping things neat. Sometimes when she rummages through drawers, she leaves a mess in the drawer rather than leaving things tidy. She likes to eat popcorn in bed. She doesn’t clean the kitty litter of her cat often enough. She cleans her ears with qtips and leaves the qtips on the counter. She leaves her dirty clothes on the floor. She hums while she works on the laptop.

funnylikesmarthelpful

As someone with (diagnosed) adult ADD, your GFs habits sound familiar... i'd argue they may not be habits but struggles. With the heightened stress of this period I'm having a much harder time focusing. Example: I start making a sandwich, then go to rinse a knife with the intention of turning back to food, but then see a notification on my phone, check that, then run to my laptop to send an email, then chat someone, and probably forgot to turn the water off, or forget to eat my lunch. In my effort to not let work succumb to my focus issues, my personal stuff gets out of hand more right now. Not intentional, and I don't realize it's happend until I see the sammy on the counter when I go back in to get some water. The drawer issue sounds like a prime example too. There's a great Twitter thread about how people with AD(H)D "organize" their lives and process tasks. I'll share if I can find.

As for dirty feet on the couch...maybe she thinks your floor is clean (because you are) so she's not tracking anything on to the couch? Do you want her to wear socks? Wash her feet before she puts them on the couch? I personally don't get this, probably because I'm cool with feet on the couch if floors are clean (shoes absolutely never and I'm not cool with eating in bed either ☺️).

TLDR: Sounds like some things that bother you can be solved with communication, but please be compassionate because there may be more at play here for her than you realize. You, if done with love, may be able to help her manage some of these struggles...people I love have been super helpful in gently pointing out where I'm losing focus and it's been appreciated, in my experience.

likehelpful

Give it a month and if things don’t change then break up you should enjoy spending every second with your significant other.

likefunnysmarthelpful

I think people who say they are happy being around each other 24/7 for several weeks either are happy despite the circumstances and somewhat annoying things of their SO, or they don’t view them as annoying/ care too much about their SO’s habits (in terms of lower your expectations). I think every person has the potential to trigger you at some point, it is just a question of how you deal with it.

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These are unusual circumstances. I have been married for 5 years (together 10) and my husband has some habits that are driving me absolutely bonkers in quarantine but never bothered me before.

likefunnyupliftingsmart

My parents are with me and the chewing thing I totally get!!! But...BUT...I always knew they are both loud chewers and slurpers of soup/coffee/tea so I just do the same “ignore it” thing I’ve been doing my whole life. 😂

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Funny, you ask. You should check out the other thread. She had posted here just a little bit ago with the same question about you.

likefunny

Jazz makes me tired.

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I always think it’s a good idea to live with someone before getting married. Not a good sign if she annoys you in such a short period of time.

likehelpfulupliftingsmart

Re the study shown above is the scariest shit not that the age starts at age 10. How many freaking 10 year olds are getting married!!!!

likefunny

COMMUNICATE your frustrations. Sometimes the other person doesn’t even realize that what they’re doing is annoying you.

likesmarthelpful

Communication only works if the receiving side is willing to listen. Otherwise, it is a waste of time.

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It’s not a natural situation and once this is over you’ll have more time apart which is healthy.

On the other hand, it’s a small taste of the rest of your life, so don’t completely overlook it.

likehelpfulsmart

My psychologist once said that living together with you girlfriend before you know you want to spend the rest of your life together is bad for the relationship. But if you guys are engaged, that’s a totally different story. The reason behind it is that before you guys are engaged (meaning you decided to commit your whole life to be with the other person), it’s very easy to find incompatibility and since you two are just exploring the relationship, it’s easy for you to just give up and not think about ways to move pass the incompatibilities.

likesmartupliftinghelpful

It’s called the cohabitation effect

like

Sorry, but as someone who is married and in a long term relationship, none of these are terrible, and whoever you meet next will have similar things that annoy you. Seems to me what is annoying is that you want her to act exactly the same as you, which is never going to happen. These things are really minor. Have you considered what you might be doing that annoys her? Have you thought of having a conversation? You might find that you’re driving her up the wall too... also ‘hanging out on Friday nights’ doesn’t sound like you have spent that much hands on time together, so your other experiences together seems to be the rose tinted side of the relationship.

likesmarthelpful

Look don’t let COVIN-19 win just because you have been cooped up together. I will give you a secret that me and my wife do. We have started to switch roles. For example on Wed I will wear her underwear all day and will assume the female role during our sexual encounters. It really helps to get a different perspective.

funnylikesmart

Thanks for sharing but what's your Covid tip?

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You should never ever think of getting married. You’ll ruin the other persons life. Get a dog it won’t annoy you. You may miss the sex, but you’ll figure out ways to get it.

likefunnyhelpfuluplifting

I would go with a dog

funnylikehelpful

And the weekends. I enjoy going out with her but staying in for long periods is a whole different ballgame. Thoughts?

likesmart

What you need to rekindle the spark is a problem like a baby you can solve together...

funnylike

Honestly, don’t ignore that instinct. If you feel that now and you’re only dating, it’s not a good sign. Yes these are strange times but it’s giving you a an accelerated look of how you feel in 10 years. If her being herself is annoying, let her find someone else that’s finds that amazing and endearing. Habits? Less worried on that as everybody has pet peeves, but if it runs deeper then time to reevaluate.

likehelpful

How long have you guys been together? It took a while for me and minezzz to tolerate each other (going on 9 years)

likefunnyhelpful

Switch to friends with benefits

likeupliftingfunnysmart

Haha easier said than done

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The good news is that you're finding out early, a luxury that would have saved many people time, money and energy. See how things evolve over the next few weeks, but if things don't seem like they will improve, consider moving on.

likefunny

Don’t completely overlook it but as others have said this is unprecedented times. You have absolutely no option to have a break from her right now, whereas in normal life you both can do things outside of each other and the relationship.

My boyfriend has been doing things that annoy me more lately but I know things will change once we can go about our lives again.

Try doing things separately each day, if able to, it helps. My boyfriend will play video games and chat with his friends while I online shop or binge watch a chick show.

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Very happily married couples want to kill each other right now.
There is little chance you’d have a circumstance where you are literally trapped with anyone like this again. Don’t use this as a gauge (although you won’t be able to forget it... and we still have a month to go).
Get thru this then decide

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