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Rising Star
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Rising Star
Conversation Starter
The court of public opinion needs a mediator 😩
Chief
Rising Star
Chief
Conversation Starter
90s music binge is so fire right now.
Chief
Pro
Thoughts on Barça vs Bayern?
Enthusiast
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Chief
I’ll date him if you guys broke up. 😂
Chief
I know. Where is the author, we need an answer. 😂
Your worth is not related to his family’s wealth. Try to avoid comparing what his family has to yours and be thankful for the perks. I hope his family is kind.
Enthusiast
Yeah.....you don’t really understand the situation. A wealthy family like that are usually intrusive and will likely influence their boy (it’s quite easy to influence with the threat of no inheritance).
@OP, how much you should proceed depends on how much independence your bf has from his family.
If he’s quite independent, there’s hope that he will try his best to shield you from the hassles.
If he’s not quite independent, there’s huge odds that it ain’t gonna work out.
You won’t ever see a uhaul behind a hearse. Money and possessions do not define your worth and value. If it bothers you that much talk to your boyfriend about it. But you’ll either need to learn to live with it or make a change eventually. No point being unhappy, even In a situation many people would envy.
Of course it’s a good problem to have, but it’s still an issue that messes with the family dynamic. I’ve been there and it’s not fun when there’s an imbalance.
Plus things end up getting more “transactional” when one party is buying gifts for others. There’s this sense of obligation that’s created in exchange. If the gifter makes a joke, the giftee feels compelled to laugh. That sort of thing.
Pro
Oh yeah, the sense of obligation is just in regards to jokes 😂
Rising Star
Does he happen to have a single brother?
He has 4 siblings, 1 married and 3 single! Lol
Once you get married half of his wealth and assets are yours .. problem solved.
Pro
Not his family’s wealth and assets. Doesn’t sound like he has much to his own name either. They keep it all set up like that on purpose for just this reason. Much better when your husband makes or has the money himself, that way you’re legally entitled to half.
Rising Star
Literally 1st world problem the thread. Jesus...
My husband is an only child and his parents are pretty wealthy AND major savers so they’re just loaded down (savers in the sense that they don’t have lots of cars and property). My father in law owns a small plane for his “flying hobby”. They go to Europe twice a year every year. There’s a boat, etc. Meanwhile, I’m from a solidly middle class, old school Irish catholic family and have never heard the word “inheritance” uttered in my damn life. My parents still work full time and honestly don’t make a ton.
Overall, I don’t really care haha. Their shit has nothing to do with me. My child will be taken care of in the future, and that is amazing. I still bust my ass and want to make as much as I can on my own.
And no, I would never fly in that little plane with my FIL. 🙃
Milk it!
Rising Star
If his parents are willing to buy you guys a house, that is definitely coming with some sort of expectation or conditions attached. You may or may not already be aware of what those expectations are but when it comes time for the family to call in favors for this “great thing” they have done for you it may be a heavy price to pay.
Yeah. I dont know how his family is, but I know in my family the house would not be given out of unconditional love and generosity. I prefer to not have any significant ties like that to my family or feel like I owe them anything because it would just be setting yourself up to manipulation
Late to the party on this. I grew up middle class, my wife’s parents have been a huge blessing to us. Don’t let it make you feel inadequate and you’ll have to put boundaries to make sure that money doesn’t equal control but it’s made for us to be able to make better decisions for our careers and family.
Conversation Starter
Im glad you both found the balance and boundaries. Thank you for the advice!
Your self-worth should be defined by your own accomplishments, not someone else's. Just keep your fingers out of your nose, put the godd@mn napkin in your lap, never visit empty-handed, and don't be an expectant mooch. That said, considering your apprehension might be from external sources, don't let anyone in your boyfriend's family belittle or demean you either (unless you fully intend to behave like an expectant mooch, because then you're fair game). Anyway, enjoy your boyfriend's parents new house, state law predominantly recognizes this as a separately owned asset unless your name(s) are on the deed.
Pro
Is it just me, or does anyone else also feel like they just want to see pics when they see posts like this. Please, all I want is to just be able to see how this guy looks, compare it to OP, and pass judgment (in my own mind, not out loud or written here). Is this so much to ask?
Rising Star
Girl, stop worrying about it. 10 years from now and you’ll be making more money than him.
OP does your bf’s fam live in Singapore or are they in the states as well?
Conversation Starter
I honestly would not mind moving to Singapore! We visited last year and it was absolutely breathtaking (aside from the fact that it’s 90 degrees everyday...) but I see your point also! We talked about maybe living there for 1-2 years when we have a baby but then moving back. I definitely see your point though.
He is with you for a reason. Celebrate who you are and where you came from. Probably why he is into you.
You need to dig/define your real problem. Maybe not just the material problem. Maybe you feel that you have less of a say if you married to him since he is more well off? You just dont feel that you will "run your own life" if you marry him? Talk to him in detail on what you feel/want, or you're afraid you/your family will be despised? you need to sort it out within yourself what kind of family you want and can you compromise eith all the "blessings" that everyone here think you should have realized.
Chief
Unless this is the same as the plot to Ready or Not, I don’t see a problem. Enjoy your free house.
Obviously your boyfriend is aware of you and your family’s financial situation and could care less. He loves you for who you are and that should be more than enough. Plus, I’m sure you have many strengths over him that you can’t put a price on.
Also, if they bought you both a house it sounds like they take your relationship seriously and have already started thinking of you as part of the family. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Couldn’t
Enthusiast
Why do you care? Enjoy the relationship and the good and bad that comes with it. Be happy.
OP... I am sure you are awesome. Your BF is with you because you are awesome. If you guys have been together 4 years and if they have been more good than bad days...the relationship works. His wealth is good for taking awesome vacations (please do that) and making intelligent investment choices (please do that too). Your parents I am sure are happy where they are, if they need help do what you can to help.
PS: invite me to awesome parties you throw on yachts.
Focus on your relationship with your potential spouse. If his family is wealthier, it may be an issue, bit should not control what you do with your relationship. It may turn into a discussion about boundaries. Focus on what you want in life, does this relationship fit and follow your instincts. Good luck.