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It definitely is a stressor in relationships, and gets worse with kids. It can work but is not easy.
I have gotten close to divorce and I’m sure travel has been a contributing factor, but in my case at least it had a lot more to do with how we treated each other. Sometimes she would use my absence as ammunition, like saying you weren’t around for the kids or that she was alone with all these problems at home, but that really wasn’t the core issue.
In my case I discovered the core reasons after decades of not knowing why things had gotten so bad. I discovered some material on adult children of alcoholics, and the description of those behaviors read like someone had put video cameras all over my house and had watched my entire marriage. I had known her father was an alcoholic but never understood what it does to the kids who grow up that way. I also had no idea how to deal with that behavior and respond in healthy ways until I went to a therapist who is an expert in ACOA.
I’m far from perfect myself, and when I read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, I saw myself in it’s pages. The title might sound like it’s telling you to be mean but it’s not. It’s explaining for example how having unspoken expectations of your partner and feeling like you are owed things because you act ‘nice’, actually sabotages your relationship and is very unfair to your partner.
I’m working on my own issues and we’ve been to marriage counseling to work on the relationship, although it did take the very real possibility of divorce to convince her to change anything about her behavior. We may still make it.
A2- would you have a summary of what the affects are like..
Marriage just sucks in general, so I stopped doing it.
Wishes to you OW1. That sucks!
What you seek is seeking you. It’s strong what you did!
My wife is also a consultant, although she travels a lot less. 3 years into marriage we had a bit of a crisis where things were just not working and we were living like roommates who sleep together, and not making any progress towards the goals we had for married life. The main issue with the «consultant lifestyle» is that hard conversations tend to get pushed back and things fester in silence. We took a long vacation and had all these tough discussions on the future, goals and how to get back on track and we kinda solved it like consultants. I’m happy to report that we hit all the milestones on the plan we made back then, and the baby deliverable is on the way with all preconditions met:)
TL;DR: it can be done, it takes some work and communication, a bit of luck
I really don’t have a universal solution but one thing we do is we speak on the phone at least an hour every night, for us it’s a great time to talk about our days, about the things we’re doing as a family, first it was the house hunting, then the remodeling, now of course the pregnancy and baby stuff, but whatever you find to talk about for an hour, it really helps getting back to feeling like a couple and being excited about things together. And once we made it a habit it’s become something I look forward all day.
We have been married 20+ years. Before I accepted the job we have a conversation as a couple and as a family. I set expectations and so did they. We meet those and I am back home every Thursday night. It is working for us. I hope it works for y’all as well. BTW it is easier with a kid that is a teenager.