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I’m in the minority here amongst my friends and family, but if it’s affordable, my fiancée and I are planning for her to be the stay at home parent.
We’ve discussed how important it is for at least one of us to be able to care for and nurture our children and provide them with a life at home that we didn’t have when we grew up.
It really sucks though because it seems that mothers in particular catch flak either way.
Either they’re working too much and not seeing their children grow up, or they’re not doing enough to support their family by staying at home and not working.
I’m glad at least my fiancée and I were about to come to a resolution after lengthy discussions on the pros and cons of both a dual income household and a single income household. We’ll have our naysayers for sure, but we’re confident that it’s a decision that we won’t regret or be made to feel bad about it.
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I have some friends where the husband stays home and it works for them. He was against it at first due to optics but they agreed they did not want their child (now children) in daycare. She had more earning power and he was simply better around the house so they had to get over optics and do what’s best for their family. 2 kids and I think 10 years later, he’s just now looking to get back out into the workforce.
I think I will kill myself having a home wife. My life is already busy and someone staying home will hate me ...I have tried in the past couple of relationship with unemployed women and it was very hard to fullfil them. Also I don't want someone one day to say that she traded her career for my success and to have that in my conscious . I like my women in suits and working ...
@Pwc OP, yes it may work for others of course. Just that I have learned my lesson and I will not try again. I prefer people who work even a 9 to 5 or a part time job. We enjoy the little time we have together. My actual fiancé is at PwC in consulting like me, and I never being happy like this in a relationship. When I have bad days at work, she will try her best to make me feel good or even to understand that I don’t want to talk about it. When she had crazy weeks, I will book a weekend trip for us just to help her to breath. On the communication side the same.
I’m in the minority, but as a man I definitely want a stay-at-home wife. The value add of having a person whose full time job is to manage every aspect of a household is much higher than people realise.
If we can live comfortably on one salary, I would welcome the chance to be a stay at home mom/wife, at least for the first few years of my child’s life.
Being comfortable comes down a lot more to lifestyle choices than to income.
Bowl Leader
Great question. Love to see male perspectives. As a woman, I definitely not only prefer but require 2 incomes or the equivalent of what I consider a comfortable income.
I think it depends on the two people involved. Post third wave Feminist theory destroyed a woman’s choice to stay home and raise her family the minute professional career woman co-opted the movement. Feminism is all about the woman’s right to choose, and not to be chosen for. However this capitalist model almost requires two incomes to raise a family and don’t think for one second that we are all enlightened enough to remove the male/provider role from the patriarchal equation, society still expects men to work. All that being said if you can find someone skilled enough humble enough brilliant enough and self sacrificing enough then I believe it is possible to see the value in a stay at home arrangement. I count myself amongst the blessed and favored. My wife has just as many degrees as I do but, because she chooses to, stays home with our children. Took me 3 decades to find her and by the time I did I realized society stopped making this “version” of woman a long time ago.... in my experience.
This is wonderful. I'm glad you found your person. 🙂
Please leave this toxic ideologist back in the century it was in. Women being a stay at home wife shows the daughters a negative perspective on life
What a foolish thing to say. Many women want to be a stay at home mother with their children. This is of course true with fathers too, just statistically less so. How about letting them choose themselves based on what they want for themselves and family? If that’s working full time, great. If it’s being a stay at home parent, great. How is your notion of what the “right” choice is for any/all women at all different from the historical “toxic idealogy” as you put it that says the workplace is no place for a woman? A bit hypocritical for you to condemn a woman’s choice to be a stay at home parent while simultaneously inferring that the historical norms were inherently bad because women were not free to choose to work if they wished. Whether you genuinely believe the latter is questionable given your position on the former.
Not a man, but I have noticed a trend within EY and now my new investment firm. The higher the position a man has, the more likely the wife is a stay at home mom or teacher.