Does anyone else have friends who lack texting etiquette? Trying to figure out if I need better friends or if bad texting behaviour is now the norm. Wondering if I should start calling them out on it more or just give up. For example: friend: “What are you doing tomorrow night” me: “no set plans yet might do a zoom call” friend: [no reply] me: “rude. happy new year” friend: [no reply]

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I mean have they always been like this or is this a recent trend? If always, I think it’s just their texting personality. Sometimes you just forget and after a long time of being friend with them I know that that’s how they are but when we meet in person it’s great! If it’s i my been recently, maybe they’ve been stressed during the holidays? I know it’s our time to unwind etc but if they had to go see family etc, it could’ve added a burden. Last one, which may or may not apply, when I’m depressed or stressed or going through some things I can shutdown and become reluctant to check my phone and reply way later...not doing it to annoy anyone or not reply on purpose but purely for a lack of energy...food for thought

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It depends on how long it takes for your friend to reply. If it’s one or two hours that’s completely fine with me. If it’s days I might get annoyed but I would always ask first if they’ve been busy these days before I jump to the conclusion they ignore me purposely. Sometimes people just forget to reply and it happens to me too, but I’ll always apologize for forgetting to reply because Ive been busy at work or other personal things. My friends now know that i sometimes “mentally” reply messages (I reply in my head and think I already reply🤷🏻‍♀️🤣) and they are okay with it. Also I always try to write full sentences with emoji because recipients cannot hear your tone through texts you send. Also... you can always call them if they haven’t replied

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Haha thank god I’m not alone!

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I would not have replied, either, and would’ve stopped altogether after the “rude”. We all have things to do - you can’t always assume people are always glued to their phones. If you’re an adult then say directly what bothers you to your friend.

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Babe, any relationship is a *two-way street*, meaning it also goes for friendships. If you really want to have a great friendship with this person then show it - what do you lose in showing more effort, too? All relationships take work. Life is too short to dwell on assumptions and way too short to play games like this where you keep track of how long someone takes to reply or how many follow-ups someone made. That’s toxic behavior.

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We’re almost 1 year into a global pandemic and people are emotionally exhausted. Try to look at it with empathy. Also, I don’t think that first exchange warranted a reply.

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Is he an ex or something? You’re really fixated on this person. If a friend called me “rude” I’d rethink that friendship. It comes across as self centered and lacking in empathy.

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You said you were going to have a zoom call for fun. I wouldn’t have replied to you either.

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Rats I was really hoping to be invited to OP’s Zoom call 😜

I think you both lack texting etiquette. You didn’t clearly invite them to a zoom call, just mentioned that you might set one up. Try being more direct with your invitations and offer concrete plans. Had you said something like “I’m setting up a zoom call at 7PM. Would you like to join?” things might have gone differently.

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You dont need to invite all your friends to all your zoom calls...

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You make time for the people you care most about.

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I’m that friend. I love you but won’t text back. I’ll send you a meme out of the blue but will not text back. Def won’t respond to texts requiring long answers. Then out of the blue I’ll send a text message. Yes I’m glued to my phone most times but txts are emotionally exhausting. But still love you !

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Interesting. For me it’s more exhausting to have “small talk”. Love getting deep and I guess that idea of “loss” on time scares me from answering. Somehow. Even if I love it.

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Yes. Have a college friend like this. Would respond days later - not even an apology. Was really annoyed with it. Then I started doing it back on purpose. Now, I have gotten into the habit of doing it to everyone. Oops.

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These don’t seem like problems. Example one, you answered their Q, not a big deal that they didn’t follow up. You didn’t ask anything back or really further the convo. Second example, delayed responses are annoying but sounds like a pet peeve and unless it’s an urgent discussion or u need the instant response, it’s just whatever. Spend the time between texts reading a book. If texting isn’t optimal form, a cal”, vidchat, hangout, etc.

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I wouldn’t waste energy on this peeve on 2021. Is it really a battle worth fighting? Maybe casually say “omg 7 hours later” or something to make fun of it but when u post for advice on it, you are already thinking too much about it in my opinion.

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You’re overthinking this. But also, might need more or new friends. Maybe both.

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I’m not placing extra expectations on these two (thank god) but it does irk me that they ghost their own convos and now it’s been like four days. All I’m asking for is reply back within a day or so, and don’t ghost convos that you start is all.

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Hah. Wait until you get into your 40s, are married and/or there are kids involved. I’m lucky if I reply to a text within 24-36 hrs if working/outside/distracted and most of my friends are the same. If already on the phone, I typically reply immediately. Real life takes priority over everything on the phone. If it’s time sensitive, call.

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What is the timeline on this? (First example) As I’ve gotten older I’ve had more and more time between texts and find that true of a lot of my friends.

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10 minutes

I feel like it’s a mix of both. Yes, have friends that are like this (one of my best friends of 2 decades even). Takes her days to respond to basic things. In the beginning it used to really annoy me but I’ve come to learn it’s not personal and she’s there when it counts. With that, even if people are naturally like that (after all we’re not entitled to people’s time and some people genuinely don’t like being attached to their phones), I do also believe in the idea that people will make time for the things that are important to them. So it’s finding out how to navigate the balance between those 2 things: being understanding but not being a pushover

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Not entitled to peoples time but entitled to respectfulness. Finished it 😉

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I don’t think this is about texting. I’ve had friends do that for years - they want to know what you’re doing and then see if they get a better offer. Don’t respond with more info than you get. Plans? “Not sure, you?”

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^yeah i dont like these games either. If its this kind of situation then i would just « be the bigger person » and move on. If they want to hang, they’ll ask, if not, maybe not such a loss haha

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Hahaha what you consider a friend considers you backup

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idk. they're benign texts. they don't warrant an immediate response and life can be distracting in the best of times. fake your own death over text. if she still ices you -- drop her. she ain't your ride or die.

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I’m an introvert. Having a phone can be a nightmare because I’m always expected to respond to people ASAP. I hate the expectation that anyone is “owed” a response just because I have my phone on me. Texts are emotionally exhausting.

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I’m not the clingy/needy type. Within a day or two is fine. Both of these friends initiated a convo and then ghosted so I get annoyed by it.

I leave texts unread so I remember to go back to them and reply. Sometimes I just don’t feel like responding to a text. For me personally, no one can demand that I reply to them. If I want to, then I will. The thing is, I’m busy and have things I need to do so taking time to always reply to a text is very low on my to-do list.

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Example 2: friend took two weeks to reply (didn’t hear back from her since mid December and then she says HNY out of the blue, and usually takes 24+ hours which is super annoying because it’s so drawn out and I’m tired of playing that game

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i wonder why......

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My ex wife uses multiple exclamation points!!! And if she asks a question it’s ???. Wonders why I always think she’s angry when really it’s only about half the time 🙄

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Well that took a turn. Sorry P1.

I got two group chats I care about. The rest is noise

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