Hey mamas - I’m posting here bc it’s anonymous and I really just need to express some emotions that I’m feeling and here what you ladies would do. My husband and I got into a pretty heated argument...

PS. 10lbs, one size ain’t no thang. You birthed two babies. Took years to make and feed them with your body. Own it, love it. And fuck errrrybody who thinks you should be the person you were pre-kids.

soon after we had two kids we hit rock bottom. the stress and strain of having two young ones on a marriage is real. Especially when you’re both working, stretched and exhausted. Neither of you are your best versions of yourself. And both of you are probably beating yourselves up over it. And then when you have time to communicate, you’re resenting each other for lack of acknowledgement, support and encouragement. Then a stupid fight over something small escalates into pent up rage and mean hurtful things are said. The sharp biting kind. Intentional and harsh. Regretfully bad but too far to go back. And hate fills the air. And the heart. Sound familiar? You are angry bc it’s a sore topic for you. He said it bc he knew it was. But he is hurt bc he is now last, 4th, unloved. So he probably wanted you to feel that way too in some way. Think of him as not your man, but try to see the inner 2-yr old in him to be able to forgive and fix. He’s lashing out. And likely you said hurtful things to push him also. We never did couples therapy but we did talk when we could. We suffered. And now we are better. Improved but not perfect. It will get better. But it will be up to you to set the path forward. Intentionally steer the convo to more real talk and constructive vs verbal knives and destruction. Tell him that he really hurt you. And ask him how you hurt him. Get to the root of it. And if he really meant what he said, he needs to learn your buttons and triggers better. sorry for the long post but hope it’s helpful

Sit down with him when the storm has blown over and express how hurt you felt about his comments. Just discuss it openly and calmly. Don’t jump to conclusions. There are all sorts of reasons humans say things in the heat of the moment.

I’ll be the asshole then... I do feel everything on this post thread. It is really fucking hard to have small kids, demanding jobs and try to find time for ourselves, and yes, it’s hard for our husbands/partners too... And yes it is all worth it.

But... but... I just do feel like there are some hurtful lines that really shouldn’t be crossed. And for me (someone who KNOWS I am not where I want to be physically post-kids), I would be furious. And I think you can follow all these measured, mature steps provided above but also be angry. Weight is a fairly known taboo subject. It’s hitting below the belt and honestly when we are already parenting our kids, managing junior (or immature) people at work... I am running a little low on patience for always being the bigger person (or simply act like an adult) in all aspects of my life, every single moment of the day and not getting it in return. And especially with a SO, where, more so than any other relationship in your life, you have an expectation of partnership. Maybe I am not supposed to say that, but I am pissed on your behalf. So good for you for rising above it, but I also think sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to just... not.

Ps. I have yet to meet a man who cares more about his wife’s weight that she does. They usually just seem happy to be getting some 😂

Some great replies here, but I have to agree with SSD1 - his comment was not okay, and you don’t have to be okay with it.

Your body has changed because you bore that man two children. For him to then make a remark that you’re not looking too good is so far below the belt it’s not funny. That body of yours produced two people, it’s amazing whether it’s a size larger than it was or not (and let me assure you, as someone whose child is nearing three and still isn’t close to pre-baby weight, a few additional pounds is nothing to be embarrassed by. It’s hard to find time when you’re busy both working and, you know, actually raising those humans you birthed! This bizarre expectation that women will just snap back weeks post-birth is so harmful).

What he said to you was designed to hurt you in a very malicious way - he’s picked on something he knows will play on your mind, and something that’s largely out of your control - your body is so different after kids, even working out and eating well often doesn’t get you the same results in the same time as it did pre-baby. To actively try and make the mother of his children feel insecure in her appearance is right up there on the list of major no-no’s for me.

While I get things are said in the heat of the moment, and he was lashing out in the way he thought would be most effective and has apologised since, I don’t blame you for not being over this. There’s also no time limit on anger, you’re not obliged to be over it because he is.

Of course you don’t want to be intimate with him after he’s gone out of his way to make you feel bad about your body. If he can’t understand why, maybe put it this way - if someone insults your cooking, would you be eager to share another of your meals with them? Or work - if a colleague made fun of a project you worked hard on, would you want to partner with them on a similar assignment? You wouldn’t, and the same applies to sharing your body. He’s lost that privilege until you decide he’s made amends enough for the hurt he’s caused and you feel like enjoying intimacy again.

Keep doing what you want for yourself. I know it’s tough given the way he made you feel, but if you feel like he’s derailing your progress, the resentment will only grow. If you really want to ensure he knows why you’re doing this, put a few images of those cute clothes you’ve got your eye on around your working out space, and when he notices the pictures, let him know that’s your inspiration for going extra hard on a workout. No question then that’s it for you and not related to his remarks!

Hope you’re feeling a bit better overall, and good luck with it all!

I hope everything’s going well now. But I kind of agree with the last two commenters...hubby knew just where to hit you that’ll hurt you bad...that was intentional. While talking things through and all is great especially since you lot are still married and trying to make things work. I’d also suggest that you have a conversation with yourself and work on being okay, and proud of what wonderful miracles your body birthed! Something hubby cannot do! I say this because, once you own what you’ve been through and are excited about your progress towards your new body size (whatever that is for you) then nothing anyone says or does will hurt you anymore.

I’m a mama to be in a few weeks. I initially worried about all the changes my body was going through. I decided to celebrate and own it in my own way by doing a tasteful nude pregnancy shoot. My husband felt it wasn’t needed I could just be covered; but it wasn’t about him. I was celebrating this phase of life that my body is going through.

Once you own how you feel about yourself, others lose the power to make you feel less than. So rock on sexy mama!!!!!!!!!!

As a woman who is sensitive to my body not being back post baby 6 yrs later, and also being tired, overwhelmed, overworked and emotional. I can honestly say, don’t overreact.

We hear one thing and an entire story starts spinning in our heads, and it’s usually the worst possible version of what he really meant. Who knows why half the stuff comes out of people’s mouth and certain times, but consider this, if you were in a different mindset; you may have laughed or snapped back with Witt. Who knows... Get out of your head and talk to him, then figure out what he meant, why he said it and next steps. Assumptions are the #1 killer of relationships. I know because I’ve murdered many. Good luck and happy new year!

I think SD1 is right. We all say hurtful things, at one point or another, to the people we love. And while the heat of the moment brings it out - there is usually an underlying issue that helps fuel the fire. Doesn’t even have to be that big - could be a minor irritation that has festered over time. Once both of you are calm, sit down and talk it out. Marriage and two kids mean you guys have been through a lot and you’re in it together... this is a bump to get past. Communication is the key. xo

...today and we both said hurtful things to each other, but I feel he really crossed the line. I was about to go work out and he said “good luck working my butt out” and that I’m not looking too good after having those two kids. I’ve had two kids in the last 2&1/2 years, I have an 11 month old at home and I’m about 7-10 lbs heavier and one size up from my pre-kid weight. I’ve never had body issues and am practical about things and know I will get back on track but you ladies know how it goes - it’s harder when you have multiple little ones, work full time, etc to put in time for yourself. I don’t want to buy new cute clothes until I’m back to my normal weight. This of course isn’t the point. These were all things I was thinking before he dropped that bomb and I just can’t believe he said it and I’m devastated by it. It makes me not want to even work out when he is around bc I don’t want him thinking I’m doing that bc of his comments. It’s all for me. I don’t think I can ever really forgive him for being that hurtful. I feel like he’s my enemy and seeing him in a new light. What would you ladies do?

So what happened?