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I knew I wanted to marry him after the first date, but I knew I was ready to marry him when I realized I wanted to know with certainty he would be loved and cared for his whole life, and I knew I could do that. My love for him was overwhelming in a selfless way I had never experienced before. I wanted to know he would have a great life full of love and never be mistreated even more than I wanted that for myself.
And then after we got engaged the cold feet got me hard 😂 I never questioned if he was the one for me, I was just overwhelmed by the magnitude of the commitment. It also happened after we were married for a few months. We’ve been married a few years now and it’s such a happy, wonderful, and (dare I say??) easy relationship. I believe he’s my soulmate and that God created us for each other
I will say @OP that what helped me through it was talking about it- both with my husband and friends/close colleagues. Basically everyone I knew who was married went through the same thing. And so did my spouse! It was a relief to be like “I’m feeling these fears” and for him to be like “yeah me too!” - it normalized it for me and made me feel closer to him. We even would laugh about it
In your same position, OP. Getting engaged soon I think - I am a little nervous too, but I think it would be more concerning if you weren't. It is a major life decision and commitment! Not to mention the anxiety that comes with seeing the hardest parts of marriage growing up and in the media. But I am confident about my SO, his character, the way he loves the Lord and me, and I feel a general peace about it despite my nerves that I believe is worth trusting.
I’m currently engaged and have been dealing with plenty of doubts and fears. My fiancé has been very understanding and has pointed me to the Lord in this time which has only confirmed what I already knew about his character. It’s normal to have fears, I’ve spoke with friends, mentors, counselors, not everyone has them, but many people do and that is not an indication necessarily that something is wrong. I’d encourage you to use this time to really deepen your prayer life and ask God to reveal the areas you need to grow in to feel ready for marriage. It is a huge decision, and can be scary for sure. But God does not give us a spirit of fear. Press in to him. One thing I do know is that there is nothing that satan fears more then Christians who are confidently walking in their calling, and your doubts could very well be coming from him. I’ll be praying against any spiritual warfare that might be happening in your life. Also my fiancé and I just finished a sermon series called Upset the Vows and I would recommend checking it out. It talks a lot about marriage, and has given us a lot of things to talk and think about while preparing.
Rising Star
Amen! Thanks for this post. I’m not married nor engaged but my SO and I are strongly considering the next step. I’ve let a lot of my fears tell me from the beginning it wouldn’t last and here we are lasting! I already feel like God is going to say no... not sure why. But everytime we do Godly activities and spur one another on to good works, I am confident again I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I think for people in this situation, we should as God for wisdom and faith. Also remembering the grace and joy that could come out of it.
I would ask, have you had sexual sin at all in your relationship? I dated another ‘believer’ for 3 years and didn’t follow God’s will (you can deduce what that means). When it came time to get engaged, I freaked out and questioned everything about the relationship. He had some spiritual red flags. While I began to receive conviction from the Holy Spirit, he didn’t. God slowly revealed to me as I repented of sexual sin that this was not His will for me. I will say, sexual sin completely distorts your peace of mind, clarity from hearing the Lord and more.
While I don’t believe in “soul mates” or the “perfect one” I am convicted that the Lord has a “best choice” for us and wants to bless us with that person. If you don’t feel peace that this person is God’s choice.. look for the root of why you feel that way. I suggest prayer and fasting. Often our flesh has a pesky way of clouding our judgement. Seek the Lord, He will reveal what is going on and why you don’t feel His peace.
Marriage is an act of faith. If you come from a divorced home or even looked outside the house for 5 seconds you’ll see the marital failure is all around is. I would say childhood trauma and second-hand experience of an abusive marriage, etc. could absolutely give you cold feet.
My suggestion is don’t make any decisions until the Lord grants you peace on a decision one way or another. Become self-reflective, dig deeper and take your time. Lack of peace was a huge indicator telling me my ex wasn’t right for me.
I met the one the Lord had for me and we married after 100 days this past January. I just knew and the Lord confirmed this was His will for us in many ways like providing certain scriptures in our personal reading and then confirming messages through sermons at church, etc. We waited till marriage for sex and that helped make the decision clear and pure.
May the Lord bless you with wisdom and discernment and give you the courage to exercise His will. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.”
Yeah, if I want to obey God’s word He calls me to submit to my husband. At the same time, husbands are called to love their wives and live with them in an understanding way.
The ideal situation is I trust my husband’s leadership and he loves me, striving to love me as Jesus does. If both parties live up to their duties in marriage, this becomes a beautiful and complimentary partnership.
What specifically are you feeling anxious about? That makes a huge difference as far as advice and you should also try to bring out the actual reason behind those feelings to make a determination. There are two big one’s I’ve observed. One, which is difficult to nail down as the reason is fear of failure/wanting perfection. This was me. I was scared of getting married and ending up divorced as so many have. I wanted to make sure we were perfect for each other and there was no possible reason if we worked together we would ever get divorced.
The second big reason I see a lot and it’s a reason nobody wants to admit out loud even to themselves and it’s a huge problem specially for young people due to technology is feeling that you can do better than your current SO. All the dating and social media apps have given us access to thousands of people. This makes it not only so there might always be a better choice on paper somewhere, but by law of numbers we can see and filter down some of the most attractive people both physically and also in life. We see their highlights as far as their filtered photos and also life they’re supposedly living and compare it to what we have.