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Rising Star
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I am the lovable fool in my team 😊
Rising Star
It’s October 3rd.
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After ~20-30 min on a call, I stop paying attention.
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Enthusiast
Come up with something outlandish and see if he bites. End of the day though, there’s no relationship without trust
Enthusiast
I think you should get some things together (important documents, valuables, essentials), but do it slowly and subtly. Have yourself ready to go. You may not think you need to do that at this point and I hope you won’t need it, but it would be much better to have an exit plan in place and not need it than to need to leave without anything or to stay in an unsafe situation because you need them and can’t gather them. Also think about where you’d go, etc., but certainly don’t talk to anyone about it on your devices of course. Other than that, I’d recommend calling (on a public phone?) a domestic violence line. Here is a number: 1 (800) 799-7233. You could also text “start” to 88788 or simply go to https://www.thehotline.org and chat on the website. It’s all anonymous. If you feel that calling a line like this is overkill, that’s fine, but I would urge you to speak with them anyway. Tell them what you’re experiencing and ask them what they think — these are people who are very familiar with situations like you’ve described and I think they would be able to provide a lot of insight to help you sort out what’s going on, why, whether or not your safety is at risk and what to do. Sorry this is happening and I really hope everything works out for you. Stay safe and good luck.
This is very good advice
Rising Star
Tell a friend you cheated on him and see if he says anything
Am I the only one who doesn’t hate this idea?
Sounds like YOU tv show storyline
Haha big fan of the show. But seriously... I'm spooked. And nowhere near as interesting as those women.
Enthusiast
Well I guess he knows you’re onto him now!
Enthusiast
^this
He loves reading OPs fishbowl posts 🤣
Enthusiast
Yep. He’s done it. Had a friend whose brother tapped her tech.
All very helpful! I dont mind location as much since we live together. Also WFH still and turned into a complete hermit, soo… 😐
Pro
Check logins. iOS/android login activity, browser logins, password reset/log off all devices, spare device with your account already logged in, etc.
Rising Star
You should do your utmost to find out secretly if it’s true.
And assuming your hunch is correct, you absolutely must break it off.
Pro
Maybe he has espn or something
Sarah, we're gonna have a chat when I get home.
Run
Look 1) it is a violation of privacy if he topped any of your shit without your awareness or consent. 2) it does not matter his reasoning/feelings (which blow with the wind) for doing so. 3) I would start a *private* paper record of the instances you have noticed thus far that year has mentioned info he shouldn’t technically know, alerting you to the notion he’s monitoring you. 4) I would not outright confront him because if he was confrontational he would have just confronted you vs doing what he’s allegedly doing. 5) I would be very clever and careful about the type and extent of misinformation I put out there to monitor him exchange (nothing too startling, nothing to elicit panic or rage or revenge; something super mundane will do; being mindful only to mention it in mediums that you suspect he’s using, and mentioning as few times as possible to get an indication of how closely and quickly you may be monitored, and in what ways.) 6) I would consult an attorney out of precaution if nothing else. Perhaps you find out you talk in your sleep vs perhaps you find out he trusts you *zero* and this is a severe invasion of privacy, regardless of marriage or residence, or not, etc etc.
You don’t have to *try* to catch him necessarily or infringe on his privacy either. Play smart and discrete. Don’t give away how much you know or when you came to know it; not until there’s more light on the situation.
Chief
SC1, I think the advice of contacting an attorney is sound, assuming the OP would do that after she's decided not to stay with the guy having done this.
Start writing some fake shit and see what he comes back with. Make sure it’s believable and realistic, but specific enough that you know he’s eavesdropping and not generic information he would know by being your fiancé. Don’t do anything to let him know you’re on to him yet, otherwise he’ll stop and you’ll never know for sure and this won’t be resolved.
Rising Star
He probs is. I had an ex literally logging into all my apps and watching my convos real time cuz he was paranoid i was returning his cheating behavior.
Enthusiast
Jesus. This is wild. Can’t believe this is as common as it is going through this thread
Enthusiast
I know someone who went through this with her husband but he was in IT. They’d always have a fight about it, he would promise to change only to do it again. She ended up divorcing him because he never asked for permission & didn’t respect her privacy. You should definitely have a convo with him OP.
Multifactor authentication. Like if there’s a new login, you’d get a text or email saying “Is this login you?” or something similar.
I hate to state the obvious but if he’s tapping your tech, he’s probably aware of this conversation…
I honestly couldn’t tell you b/c I have no clue. I just tell myself that I’m safe b/c I use a VPN. Here are some guidelines. https://www.azcentral.com/story/money/business/tech/2021/05/24/hacked-iphone-spying-heres-what-to-know/5211832001/
Definitely gonna need an update for this one
Pro
Pls keep us posted but prioritize your safety. This doesn’t sound healthy. I hope this isn’t the case but it does sound like he has it tapped..
Is it just me that finds this thread a little odd?
Enthusiast
I would change all passwords and see if he continues with this behavior. Also, the mind plays tricks on you and you could be reading into this, so don’t jump to conclusions without hard facts.
Just my two cents, my husband doesn’t tap my tech but he has crazy intuition on many things in my life. He says things I have thought, it was spooky at first but this is true of everyone in his life. He may have tapped your tech but just throwing another perspective out there
I was going to say the same! I don't tap into my GFs tech but I always guess what she's going to say bc we've been together for 6 years. Some ppl can be predictable