Is it just me but after joining AA (and immersing myself in the BB and a spiritual experience), I find myself regretting what I was. I do feel I am a different person now but what of that phase?

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I'm not an AA person but am loving life in recovery. I wouldn't have done all the work required to be where I am now were it not for that "old" life.

Also, it's ok to look in the rear view mirror, but looking at it too much will cause you to miss what's going on in front of you.

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Thank you, P1! Absolutely! I guess it’s something we need to remind ourselves of daily!

We do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. For myself, I did regret hard for a while but I came to the realization that NOTHING I do will change the past. So energy spent in that direction is just a waste of energy. Now big horrible things I did and the asshole that I was, I regret no more than that time I dropped my keys in the lake (after making an amends and continuing to make living amends of course). All that I have is today, and today I'm going to try to be a decent person.

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Thank you so much, D1! Very helpful! Yep today is all we have and it’s the only reality we have.

I had such a delusional view of what a good person I was, and I was mortified when I finally got a clear picture of who I truly was and what I was motivated by.

At the same time, I was mourning my old life. It was a very interesting time emotionally.

The first major relief that I recall was after dropping my 4th step. Even more grounding was when my first sponsee read through theirs. I am findong that the farther I walk towards the ideal that my higher has for me, the farther away I get from who I was.

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Thank you so much, IBM1! It’s very helpful to vicariously see how the path unfolds! I have been told that having a sponsee helps expand the awakening and look forward to getting there!

Because of your experiences, you are able to see the difference and look back on the past with feelings of remorse, and you're a better person for that. As Director said, you can make amends and continue to make living amends as a way to express your commitment to change, but I think it's important to frame it in a more positive way—for example, committing to change rather than regretting not changing sooner. That negative self-talk can be very draining!

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Thanks so much, M1! Very helpful! I’m going to try reframing actively!

I regretted my past in AA until I started sponsoring other men in the program. Now I do not regret my past.

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So you’ve done your 9th step? The 9th step promises (https://www.hvai.org/readings/9th-Step-Promises.pdf) say that “we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it”; a reflection or meditation on steps 1-8 might reveal some thing or some area that maybe needs another look.

Also, sometimes it just takes some time and more experiences to recognize that my past is a gold mine. The worst of my past becomes the best of my present, because it has the potential to connect me to the new guy who feels so alone and ashamed. When I share something and they can say or think, “I’ve done that too”, we connect in a way that no one else can.

uplifting

We take it as motivation to not go back and to be proud of how far we’ve come. Keep going it sounds like you’re being blessed and loving life. And that’s where we shroud all be. #1day@atime

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Thank you so much, CPSS1! Yes completely appreciate that it is motivation! The darker the “dark night of the soul”, the greater also the gratitude for the brightness of the path ahead!

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Does anyone else also see this as a “dark night of the soul” phase? Thank you

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That is what I am calling these last few chapters of my life.

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