Is it ok for me to prioritize my parents over my spouse or marriage? My spouse has generally been supportive in me having to do what I need to for my parents but she did mention how she feels that I pay attention to the marriage when it’s convenient to me. My parents generally expect from me as opposed to my sisters and I tend to have a greater impact on them than my sisters.

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It depends in what way. Personally, if your parents really need you to function, then obviously yea, you have to take care of them but should also discuss with your spouse so you are both on the same page.

However, if you are canceling plans with your spouse to just go hang out with your parents without discussing, then I could see that not being ok.

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They need me to the extent they expect from me to be around, be available, emotionally support them, etc.

I love partner, but my parents will always be at the same level of priority as him (if not more).
Our parents give up their youth, hard earned money, time and love to raise us.
I’ll always honour that.

And I’d expect my partner to do the same. I wouldn’t be able to respect a man who’s disrespecting/Ill treating his parents in a bid to appease me.

funny

I don’t think the question here is about disrespecting or I’ll treating parents to appease anyone. This went in the other direction rly fast

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You need counselling!

What cof1 and mck1 have said get counselling for yourself first. You seem to have a little bit of an unhealthy emotional co dependency with your parents. My guess is you are making your wife feel she is not on the same plane of priority as your parents which is leading her to feel the way she is.

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We do dinner once a week with each set of parents. This will change if they need more physical support/help but for right now this is what my husband and I agree to. You probably need to have a conversation with you wife to see what is reasonable and ok for her and you. Agree on the counseling point above

It was discussed. After marriage things changed. Family attitude and expectations changed. Became a bit too much. Admittedly my family wasn’t too kind to her. She was invisible with my family. And She felt it was too much to commit too given the dynamics and just encouraged me to do what I needed to. She’s never held me back till date but she never felt like me and her were a family. I just continued going bc that’s what my parents wanted and expected

Was this discussed before you'll got married?

Yes

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