I’ve been taking an art class on zoom and tbh, I don’t like the instructor much. I’ll explain why below. But in our class yesterday, she said she had to mute herself for a second because her (insert race) neighbors were arguing. “But they’re really nice,” according to her. It really bothered me. Should I let it go or speak up?

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Ummm... yikes. I’d let her know that I’d be leaving because of those comments, personally.

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Agreed, I'd take the lessons I already paid for but not ever give her money again, and let her know that her comment was inappropriate and you felt uncomfortable. By being polite in an email she may actually pause for self reflection instead of getting defensive.

likehelpful

For the race thing, absolutely say something. It’s the only way to make them aware that they’re doing it, that you’re noticing and most importantly, that it’s not ok. Just say “Excuse me? Why does it matter that they’re (insert race)?” I think asking basic questions is the easiest as it makes them feel awkward by having to explain - so they’ll think twice before doing it again. And it means you’re not having to attack or build an argument on the spot.

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You should always speak out about racism if you’re not in personal danger. It brings to mind this famous quote.

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Idk from OP’s other comments, it didn’t necessarily sound racist. Just that she gives unnecessary information about people. Especially since the comment wasn’t that her neighbors are x race but they’re really nice, it was that her neighbors of x race are arguing but they’re really nice (i.e. in spite of the arguing). Especially if she has other neighbors (which it sounds like she does), that might just be her way of differentiating them in her head...and I really don’t see how noticing some people are a different race is racist.

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The point is that it... wasn’t relevant? None of these participants know her neighbors and it’s not like they would be confused about “which one” it is. Identifying someone by race is usually a subconscious short code and often people do it to “other” people. It doesn’t matter if you think it is consciously racist because racism isn’t always overt and conscious. It’s still a racist thing to do and is a very common thing to do by white people subconsciously associating “bad behavior” with people of color.

smarthelpful

I understand the frustration re: early morning construction starts, but racial element is wildly unnecessary

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Maybe I should delete the construction thing. I wanted to share what she’s like, but I don’t want to derail the thread.

Definitely find another instructor and let her know why you're dropping her. Unfortunately, if you say the comment made you uncomfortable, she'll probably just say she was joking and has a black/white (*using the races you identified earlier) best friend/bf/gf/child/co-worker/significant other/yoga instructor...etc

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To fight racism you have to stand up to it. Drop her class, explain why, and pat yourself on the back for your gut instinct being right that it wasn’t okay for her to use race to identify her neighbors.

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Imagine her saying, my neighbors are yelling. They’re white/black. But they’re nice. Wth?

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^this was more verbatim what she said.

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AITA? She said she is on her neighborhood zoning board and will go out and yell at the construction workers if they start working before 7:30am, which is the earliest they are allowed to begin construction. I mean, yes, she can do that. But she can also choose to be nice to hard working construction folks and sort of pleasantly ask them with cookies or something. I dunno.

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Did it come off racist and derogatory? If so I would leave. But I am asking because based on how she told you about the neighbors (arguing, race, nice) and went into detail about the constitution workers, I am wondering if she is just all over the place and providing too much information.

Obviously we weren’t there to pick up tone or anything, but I guess I’m asking is do you really think she is racist or is just providing too much personal irrelevant information about here life?

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Fair enough!

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