Just need to vent.

My SO was going through some issues over a year ago and decided to use the counselor services provided through her workplace. She mentioned that her plan only covered some sessions so she was trying to figure how she could continue counseling. That was that.

We've been trying to better our savings now that we have a baby and I've been trying to figure out our expenses for months now but I'm always off. I finally realized a few months ago that she continued counseling. More..

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You might think they’re talking like their friends and stuff, but u don’t know what’s really going on. Mental health is really important, and she might be ashamed that she pays premium for a “friend” but I really stress that you can’t put a price on mental health. It’s as important as your physical health, both of which, is more important than money. Then again, idk your situation either financially, but you’ll make it through pal. Communication is important, and she failed to do so with you, but you have to ask why. There’s some cracks in the armor potentially, but it all starts from one point.

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This! I understand being upset she lied to you (by omission) about the sessions; however, seeing how you view therapy, I am not surprised. Why don't you make budgeting a team activity? Get with her once a week to go over all of your income/expenses.

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Sounds like you’re the reason she didn’t tell you about the counseling. You sound f*cking heartless.

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A2 may have worded things strongly. However, no inference is needed to see that you don’t value therapy.

Your direct statements equated it to talking to friends and why would you need to pay for that.

At the very least you need to reflect on why you would say something like that as it’s not at all a helpful though for your SO and likely comes off clearly to her, especially given your other posts where you acknowledge she is struggling.

And has been paying out of pocket without sharing this with me. I've asked her on multiple occasions for the cost of each session and no specifics.

Finally today she tells me, after I brought up again that expenses just don't make sense, that it costs $120 per session and that she plans on cutting back to every other week. She was having sessions twice a week for most of a year and has been doing once a week for a few months. It sounds like basically she cut back after I asked for the cost a few months back and now again.

That whole time I thought she was talking to a friend from the way she engages in those conversations. She mentioned that she liked the counselor because they've become friends and can chat about anything.

I am not upset about her needing counseling at all. I am upset about her inability to share that this was going on and that she knew that we've been trying to cut back on expenses but didn't think mentioning that roughly $1k each month was going to her sessions. I'm upset that I've wasted so much time trying to get our finances to work and she kept this piece of info from me for so long. And to be honest, I don't get her needing a paid friend when she's on her phone most of the day talking to friends about what seems to be the same stuff.

Like I said, just needed to vent.

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Thanks VP1. Very thoughtful and good points to help clear things out.

Ppm depression is brutal. Like the darkest of pits. It's not easy to admit, because moms get push back saying "but look at this beautiful baby, look at your husband helping, you should be happy" and we are, but chemically we are depressed. It's not life circumstances. It's the hormone shift that causes it, the circumstances and stress that aggrevates it.

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She's gone through a lot. Before and after the baby. Like a lot of people, we've lost family members to covid. I also noticed that moms can be pretty brutal to each other. Like some kind of competition and shaming.

Seeing all that is no wonder she'd want counseling. It really isn't the issue. It's the communication part that is the issue.

Neither counselors nor therapists are supposed to be “friends”. That’s a pretty big red flag, and suggests at a minimum that the relationship she has with this person is professionally unhelpful.
I hate to be this person, but unless you have receipts, I encourage you to keep pulling the thread on this. Is it $120 per to see a mental health professional, or $120 for a hotel room?

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MS1, how do you think I know therapist are not supposed to be your friends?

If she felt the need to hide - something else might be cooking.

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I would try to understand why lying was a better option than telling you. Was she scared of your response? Does she lie about other things? It’s disheartening and disappointing that she wasn’t honest and it makes you feel like you’re not a team.

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We've been together for over a decade. A lot has happened in the past couple of years. Pandemic, baby, loss of close relatives, loss of friendships, loss of parent, wfh, etc. (Too many to count). We've had some great things happen too, but have been obscured by the darker things.

We tell each other everything which is why this got to me.

She is lying, hiding and may be cheating on you. No therapist would say they are your "friend"

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All professionals are fallible

How could you not figure out the expenses for months. A quick scan of the credit card statement should have given you the answer.

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