Mom and wife hate each other.. reconciliation effort resulted in a bigger blow-up.. 2 month old daughter making things way more complicated.. any suggestions on how to fix this mess?

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Yikes. That can be tricky. Without having details, I’d say you have to set firm and clear boundaries with your mom. And you have to do it, not your wife. Otherwise it will put a huge strain on your marriage. In-law stuff is always tough, but if your mom is being controlling, or clingy or whatever, it’s going to drive your wife away. Tell your mom (in a loving but firm way) to back off and give you guys the space you need. Let her know you’ll reach out if you need something, and maybe plan specific days for her to visit, etc. but you have to take control of the situation .

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Unless your wife is being completely unreasonable, you have to set the tone with your mother. You have the trump card with a grand child. Mom and get in line or she can’t spend the kind of time she wants with her grand baby

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My advice would be to never defend your mom when she’s wrong in front of your wife, that just creates resentment, wife doesn’t like it! Sometimes to try and make things better or to show the other side of the story to the wife, some men can justify their family’s actions, that’s not the right way to go about it. Always make your wife feel that you and her are a team. Your wife and your child are your family. Sure your parents are very important and even your wife needs to respect them but don’t force anything on your wife, that’ll just create more distance. The more space your wife gets, the better the relationship is going to be (with the in laws) if anything is forced on her, the distance will keep growing .

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You need to be firm with both. Your mother needs to understand that she needs to give your family time and space and your wife needs to understand that your mom is an important person in your life that won’t change. I wouldn’t force their relationship. In my household me and my partner come from very different family backgrounds, my family is Italian/ Latin and overbearing, his family is the opposite. I don’t push my family into our relationship and I’m not pushed into my SO’s family either. We are both free to hang out with our families when we want (mine live 5,000 miles away, so sometimes there is no choice there) and the other can join or not. I have nothing against my in-laws, but they are not my family and sometimes being around them just exacerbates how much I miss my family, and would really resent my in-laws if they tried to play a larger role in my life. I see them about once a month or two and that’s fine. Not sure if your wife’s situation is similar and if it’s possible within your family’s dynamic, but try also to listen to what your wife is saying and go visit your mom with your kid on your own ... this way you don’t force anything on them, your mom still gets to see you and your kid and you give your wife some time to herself

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My wife and mom really like each other but even so I have to take my mom aside sometimes and ask her to respect boundaries. I know she cares but my wife likes to be in control and especially when there is a new baby the hormones are insane. I find it helps to reassure my mom that in the long run you and your wife are committed to her having a great relationship with the grandkids. So please mom don’t count the days you are or are not with us just enjoy and let us be parents

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Please the fifth next time those two ladies confront you.

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Agree with KPMG 1 - you’ve got to keep your
Mom out of the relationship and parenting space.

Unless your child is a daughter, your wife is the most important female in your life now, not your mom

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Tell your Mom you and your wife need time to adjust to caring for the baby. While your Mom will always an important part of your life your new priorities should be the baby and supporting your wife. My wife hated the world after our kid was born, but after she got into her groove with the baby and me she went back to normal. I can’t even imagine the emotional strain women go through after giving birth

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EY #metoo partner has reached a confidential settlement with the firm. How much money do you think?

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^ wut? Can you read?

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You need to honor your parents but you are to be united with your wife. Don’t ever tell your mom she needs to step back because your wife needs space or ever blame something on your wife.. always use we. Also please don’t listen to EY’s terrible advice... I hate how one sign of a confrontation and people have instincts to divorce.. that’s not what til death do us part means....

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Perfect timing with mother's day around the corner...

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Time. Only time heals. Been there. Whole family was a mess back then due to the conflict. And it was triggered by a 3rd party.

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Tell your Mom you and your wife need time to adjust to caring for the baby. While your Mom will always an important part of your life your new priorities should be the baby and supporting your wife. My wife hated the world after our kid was born, but after she got into her groove with the baby and me she went back to normal. I can’t even imagine the emotional strain women go through after giving birth

Going through the same. My mom is overseas and has had fights with my wife since the wedding. Wife wants nothing to do with her and wants to keep our kids away. Super uncomfortable situation for me

Start preparing for a divorce. I am divorced with a kid and don't regret it. I could not live that unhappy until my kid went to college.

PwC1: we are in the same boat.. I feel like the distance doesn’t help. If they were in each other’s faces more often, it would’ve been easier for me to take a decision. Right now I’m pretty torn

EY1: that’s the last resort. Right now I’m trying to fix things and make them better.

My situation got worse. Mom tried to apologise poorly, wife forgave her but said she isn't going to allow kids to be exposed to unstable grandma because she doesn't trust her temperament. Spiralled from there....

PwC1: I hear you. Got into a similar situation where a quest for a resolution turned into “why I hate you” monologues from both mom and wife, which has resulted in all out war

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