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Living with someone will make or break your relationship. Communication is key! Good luck 🍀
Nothing eases the transition to living together like a sink that isn’t full of dirty dishes.
Pick up dish duty often and youll earn serious points with her.
Just going to say that for those of us with multiple kids in wfh/pandemic times the dishes are literally impossible to keep up with if you’re using them 3+ times a day. It’s not about being lazy it’s about one trade-off that allows for sanity and not feeling like My husband and I aren’t spending every free minute I have in the kitchen doing dishes.
Separate bathrooms ...
Rising Star
Communicate when you need "alone together" time--being in the same room but not doing the same thing (you read, she plays video games) or full alone time.
Discuss your pet peeves in advance.
Consider money issues.
Ask yourself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?"
Chief
Don’t hide the engagement ring in the laundry hamper.
True story — one of my buddies did that. He never realized his clothes were laundered by her....
So what happened when she found it?
A written chore calendar goes a long way. It may sound childish but having it in writing who is primarily responsible for what goes a LONG way during heated moments.
Note, I said primarily. There will be days/weeks when one of you needs to pick up more/less slack. But "putting it in writing" will help prevent build of of frustration because you (or your GF) find yourself doing most of the work, most of the time.
Rising Star
Transition out of the “you ok babe?” “ya you ok?” phase asap
Keep edibles in the house
Maintain your separate hobbies and friends
Respond in the kindest way first
Never withhold affection in any form
Rising Star
Basically: moving in together means seeing a lot more of each other in neutral mode & at first you tend to over or under interpret if something is wrong, & you can get into this lame cycle of blandly checking in constantly. Recognize when it happens and make an effort to both elicit deeper conversations/sharing AND make sure to volunteer them yourself.
Move in to a "new" place together, not your place or hers. This way you don't have expectations on where things go and won't have the "it worked before you moved-in fight". Both of you will be on equal footing.
We have a king size bed and we use separate king size blankets. You can cuddle to go to sleep but then roll away when it gets too hot and there are never any fights about hogging the blankets all night. This was born out of different preferences over blanket type but it’s so nice having your own blanket. Then in winter when it’s really cold you already have 2 blankets in bed to help you be warm enough to fall asleep.
When I’ve told people before they think it’s a sign our marriage is going stale. Been doing this almost 8 years now and it just works for us.
Same situation (living together for 2 years now) and please don’t “cancel” me. From a guys perspective : understand that woman have more complex emotions than us (more dramatic, sentimental, take everything personal). In addition ,guys most of the time decides the hobbies,series, movies to watch etc and the girl is just a cheerleader... Make sure that she also has a decision. That means give her the control when picking a movie/series, ask where she wants to go. Something you will have to take it out from her but it works wonders. Except music.. don’t let them pick the music!
Rising Star
Why do individual personalities always get boiled down to male/female? In my relationship, the person with the most expertise or who cares the most about a topic makes the choice with input from the other if offered. I pick restaurants and decide the dinner menu when I cook, he decides where we play golf and where we buy fresh fish, and we both suggest movies equally.
Communication is key! Stay on top of the chores - actually discuss and reevaluate somwahr frequently to make sure both of you feel like you are contributing equally. Nothing will sour a mood worst than one person feeling they are doing much more than their fair share.
Keep up the sex
Don’t cheat on her immediately.
Get married. There's literally no good reason to move in and not get married.
For the guy
Couples that live together before marriage are 12x more likely to separate/divorce so know the odds are stacked against you and try to persevere! If you end up getting married, try to make the time after marriage different so that it doesn’t just seem like one day then back to the same old thing. Communication is key and try to start from a point of understanding where she’s coming from rather than proving why you’re right and she’s wrong.
Also, obviously no judgement at all about living together before marriage, I was just intrigued to learn the stats because I assumed living together before marriage would lead to a healthier marriage, so was suprised at the counter-intuitive data. Best of luck!
Enthusiast
I moved in with my fiancé right before our wedding, when I moved across state lines. We were long distance. When you know, you know. You don’t need to live together to know you’re meant to be together.
For people who need to cohabit before marriage, its not like you’re gonna break up with them because they’re messy or can’t cook or their lifestyle is so “off”.
I believe what KPMG is alluding to is the fact that when people move in together, it merges lives before the commitment, and it’s difficult to break up with a shared lease, bills, home, or pets. It’s called the “slide” into commitment. This can happen even when the person you’re with isn’t the best fit for you but your lives are too enmeshed to break up.
Create a man cave!
Be clear to establish roles from the get-go. Like who is the boss? (She is). Share the chores and workload and have separate sofas. Enjoy it. Sharing your life with someone is awesome. Oh and have LOTS of sex, everywhere.
Google “Sliding v Deciding”
Lol ‘equal footing’.
Enthusiast
Communicate. Share the chores. Give each other space in the house. For example I’ll hang out in the bedroom and he hangs in the living room when we need some peace. Make sure to spend time with friends separately so that you each can have some alone time too. We also got a shared credit card for shared expenses like groceries that we split payment for (paying in full each month). Be sure to discuss how you’ll split up expenses like utilities, etc. And enjoy it!