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Hi All,
I switched to tcs few months back ,here project manager told me that work will be in Angular but when I got into the project it was only html,css and jQuery. now how can i change my project as current one is not going along with my aspirations. It's a technology which now no one uses much . Under my current client all projects are based on that only . Plz suggest that how can I change my current project .?Tata consultancy sevices
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I struggled with the same thing after my second was born. I loved my job it was part of my identity but I decided to take time for my kids. I love my kids more than everything but I miss my job. I completely understand your struggle between mom guilt and ambition. Ultimately you need to do what’s best for you, everyone has an opinion and there is no right answer. I will say almost a year later I feel I need to get back to work not just for me but I think for my kids too. You do what’s right for you!
Look at the flip side of that argument: no one says you shouldn’t send your kid to school because you won’t get to spend enough time with them. So....don’t give up your career to assuage a temporary guilt. Give your kids quality attention when you are with them and they will thrive. Plus they’ll see an awesome example of a strong woman in their family
Your mom should mind her own business in this instance. This is an extremely personal decision that should be made between you and your partner (if you’re together).
You know what is helping me when my family makes me feel guilty? Psychotherapy. I recommend it.
If it makes you feel better, we all go through this. What sounds nice about your situation is they get to be with Grandma. Unless she's being passive aggressive and guilt tripping you, which doesn't really help.
I've always had to work, for financial reasons. So guilt or not they see me after 6:30. I can live with that.
Thanks so much for all your kindness. I love reading your messages.
There is definitely my own internal guilt, intensified by grandma-induced guilt. I sometimes feel that it's so selfish for wanting more for myself in my career. For example, I want to stay in advertising, and I aspire to be an ECD one day. Can you imagine a woman ECD with kids, who sets work boundaries and balances a family, at a top agency, on the top accounts? Chasing this crazy goal is going to come at a cost to my kids.
Alternatively, I've researched going in-house and would have a great work life balance. But I'm afraid I'll never be able to come back to advertising because I'll be aged out.
Thanks for your wisdom. Keep it coming! This outlet is just what I need right now.
Picking up the kids after school, hearing about their day, dealing with their pent-up energy, helping with/making them do their homework, giving them snacks, making dinner, etc. takes a lot of energy and all your time. (I know from personal experience.) Maybe your mom is not wanting to do this any longer but doesn’t want to tell you outright. Maybe this is actually about her, and not your career choices.
That^^^^
I’m in the same boat. I reduced my mom’s time so it felt less like a job. We hired a nanny to come three days a week. It’s helped a ton. I don’t get home till 6:30. I do miss time with them but when I am there it’s total dedication and quality time. I don’t feel guilty at all. They are happy, they don’t know anything different and I am happy because I get to do what I love and cherish the time I do get with them. Life is too short for guilt. I’m sure you are a great mom and they aren’t suffering. Don’t be so hard on yourself! You are going above and beyond to provide for them. And I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t be a great stay-at-home mom. I’m a better mom because I’m personally fulfilled and happy with my path in life which makes me a better wife and mother.
It's important for your children to know that you have choices and that women deserve to have a strong voice in the workplace. Are they loved? Are you fully present when you are with them? Do they have what they need to become whole, responsible, loving people? If you have 3 yes answers, you are doing it right (even when it feels a little crappy)
Was going to say- struggling with whether or not to work or struggling with your mom’s opinion? Or both? Were you questioning this before your mom mentioned it or did she she get you thinking? I ask my mom often derails things I wasn’t even debating by stating her unsolicited opinion.
I'm fortunate that my mom lives close to pick up the kids after school, cooks/feeds them dinner, and stays with them until my husband and I get home around 7pm (sometimes 6, if one of us leaves work early.) My mom does a lot, and she said she's getting old and easily tired.
I struggle with not being able to make time after school. Even if we hire a driver/ babysitter, for pickups and help with dinner/homework, to give my mom a much needed break, it still means that I'm not there for my kids.
The easiest solution is for me to stay home and take care of the kids. I love my job and I'm not sure if I can see myself at home. Ugh feeling stuck and letting someone down no matter what.
I feel for you. Not just mom guilt but grandmom guilt. That’s a lot to face when you come home. You’re lucky to have the support of family but it comes with opinions. Can you manage some additional babysitter support to give your mom a break?
If you’re enjoying work and don’t crave being home then what you’re doing to support your family financially and yourself personally and in your career is meaningful and important. Don’t let someone else (even/especially your mom dictate your priorities.)
I don’t know your financial situation or how old your kids are but putting two incomes in helps your family in the short term and long term. Being home is not always the best answer — emotionally, financially, short term or long term. I’ve done both so no judgment. Do what works for you and your family
Also at first I thought I was reading this in a different bowl as if a man/dad was saying this about his mom and I couldn’t square it. Just a perspective but why do these demands always get put on women? I don’t think men face these expectations to give up their careers and stay home for the kids
I could never be a stay at home parent. I would be so unhappy. But I AM glad I live somewhere where I could have a full year at home, partially paid, with my babies before going back to work.
Your mom should not be doing that. She should remind you that you’re doing the best that you can. And I’m sure you’re doing a great job both working and momming. Don’t beat yourself up.