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Get your daughter evaluated by a medical professional to determine if your wife’s concerns about her are founded or not.
Then deal with the results.
If the concerns are unfounded that may get your wife to chill. And a doctor may be able to discuss your wife’s anxiety and recommend options. A recommendation from a third party will be a lot more effective than one from you.
Pro
Schedule a visit with the pediatrician and have her attend as well. Let them tell her there is nothing there.
If you are worried about her starting some Munchausen by proxy issues, it might be a good idea to let the pediatrician know of your concerns. They could then look at any "issues" that your wife thinks your daughter has with a more critical eye.
Agreed with the other comments here - get your daughter squared away first. My wife was similar and after extensive evaluation, our daughter was diagnosed with an auditory processing delay and it took a decade plus' worth of therapy to ensure a smoother life. We've met a lot of people that waited a long time before looking into, hoping things were just one offs or phases, and they missed critical years of development.
If it's something, you'll need to adjust your perception and be a team player in the therapy process. If it's nothing, your wife may need to take a step back for personal evaluation with potential help. Either way, put your child first and get your own ego out of the way.
So if your child is less than kindergarten school they are fine. Social media postures young mothers to believe their child is autistic. Your pediatrician has a test, but if the child isn’t old enough they won’t even be able to do the things and if you answer the questions I assure you….your answers will show your child is not autistic and your wife’s answers will show your child is. Tell her stop reading and looking to for evidence and stop projecting herself onto the child. Probably will make a fight. Reminds me of my wife. She actually had Postpartum depression and tried to hide it from herself by projecting Autism onto our child. Our son is now 11 and a 3.9 average 5th grader without Autism and she overcame her PPD after about 3-4 years. Was terrible for everyone but my wife needed the help of two psychologists and a neuropsychologist who actually saved her life mentally.
Some of that is true, in particular the social media aspect...but First Steps (free in every state under 36 months) provides both remarkable testing and therapy, which is critical at those ages. You will absolutely kick yourself forever for not starting as soon as possible. Do it. Worst case in doing it is a few blown afternoons. Worst case in not doing is losing those invaluable developmental years.
Is this your first? I completely and fully get her. I was the exact same way too.
Two things that helped me immensely:
1. Stop googling stuff. Immediately and completely.
2. Get Therapy. Get help. Get Therapy
Try not to lose your patience. She obviously has anxiety about your child and a dispute won't make it better. Your wife might have some degree of OCD too. My wife has gone through phases of health concerns for our kids and I talk her through it and try to show her more common and simple explanations. The doctor is a last resort if the perceived symptoms persist. And I sternly remind her not to Google symptoms.
I would immediately go to a child psychologist that specializes in asd diagnosis otherwise you’ll just spin on this … I had the same issue where we would google everything and spin except turned out it was asd … diagnosis got us services and no longer had to spin on it …reg pediatricians did not detect it
I just want to say, I love this bowl. Great answers all around dads. Anywhere else on Fishbowl, you get 20yr olds saying “that’s a red flag”, “you should tell her if she doesn’t change you’ll leave.”