On the verge of separation, don't see much chance of reconciliation but my heart sinks when I think of our daughter having to go through this. She is 5, very sensitive and close to both... any advice?

Don’t take we wrong, there are things people can’t get over - affairs emotional love for someone else , abuse - verbal or physical. But otherwise it’s worth getting over this. For each other and for your child. There is a reason you married her my friend. I hope you can find that again.

Dude... People here are trying to help, but you should be asking deeper questions:

The first question is: do you want this?

If yes - does she want this?

Don't ruin your kid's life by trying to love each other if you don't, but if you really do love each other, then:

1) Send your kids to a grandparent for the weekend.
2) Talk. Then talk again. Ask her what she really wants in life. I promise you that you can give it to her. If not, you tried. Wish you the best of luck my friend.

Why r u separating. My heart breaks to hear this. Is there any way to save this - forget the ego and ask the wife to do the same. Unless either of you love someone else this is manageable. I would like to help if you let me.

Have her engaged with a child psychologist as soon as possible before she hears the news. Stave off long term affect me hopefully

In the same situation. Stay strong.

Take a sabbatical and work on keeping the family unit together. Take a trip, rediscover each other. Bring the bub along and show them both love. No need to say much, keep on chipping away at that wall she's built and things should change for the better.

Sorry A1 been busy with everything going on. Its been better, at least we are talking about remediation. We had a lengthy and candid conversation about the things that really ticked her off recently and I promised that it'll be different - in actions that is. Been trying to express myself better and wife's responding well too. Need to stay put and keep my focus on as any small thing can erase all progress. Thanks again for all the support and guidance guys.

Grat. May want to take time off work to focus more time on family.

I agree with Accenture 1

Thanks so much guys. Primarily, the issues stem from the fact that we are polar opposite in every way. To the point that my wife thinks I don't love her and without that, no marriage can succeed. I agree that I haven't treated her as my first priority some times and committed some big and small mistakes along the way. The same has been the case with her making mistakes and not treating me well though to a lesser extent. Bringing the kid up on her own while I traveled and not having a support system has been a major contributor in her recent angst and us reaching this stage. Lastly, us being so different, she firmly believes I cannot change and she cannot live with someone like me. I'd really like to reconcile but agree that I cannot become exactly opposite at this stage of my life. I'd like counseling but she is firmly against and believes it's a waste of time. Any suggestions on how to get her to participate in counseling and think about reconciling?

What about the kid? Can’t she be a reason for her to try? Try to work from home for a few week and give it your all for a while? What I would do is ask her or 5 things you could change that would help her and to give you 2 months to sow her. Give her a few things to but not right away. You each take a week to figure out the things and then talk to see if these are 5 things that both of you can change. Show her you want to work on it. You married each other didn’t you? Even when you knew you were opposites. There is something there for you guys...:

Start with doing things for her, each day, everyday and don't stop. Anything, especially things she's been stressed about. You don't have to tell her you'll be different - just start being different. It will take time, but after a few months of actually doing better, she'll probably be more open to talking through a plan. Don't start with a plan, just do something now and then do more tomorrow.

I think the question is whether she really believes you cannot change, in which case I think making the case to her mom has some merit, or whether that’s her excuse and she’s looking for the exit, in which case involving her mom is just going to aggravate things and damage your ability to co-parent your daughter.

I think you need to be ready to leave your job if that’s what it takes to be at home more and show that you are committed. I love my job, but I would do that in a heartbeat

Sorry that you are going through this, OP. I went through something very similar several years ago. Read the book, "Divorce Busting" if you get a chance and try the tactics in there. In my experience, the more you try to convince her that things will be different, the more she will dig in. Best to show it through actions than words. At the end of the day, just know that the kids will be fine provided both of you stay very engaged in their lives. You'll be fine too but short term will suck. Focus on how you can be a better person. That's all that matters. And remember it takes two and it is never one individual's fault, no matter how much she might try to convince you of that. Sorry again and stay strong!

Op I asked my wife to read this and she brought up a point. All of us guys were just talking about things we can change but we’re not looking at the wife. You have to understand what is going on through her head, if she is willing to change as well as one side changing is not gonna fix the problem. She even willing to give it a try? You need to understand the stuff and perhaps it will take a month or two to convince her to try by just changing your side but in the end she’s going to have to have a change of heart too.

Go buy and read "The Five Love Languages". Learn her language and do something EVERY day for 30 days that makes her feel loved in HER language. YOU do this first and THEN share the book with her.

Show her this post if all else fails...she should see how much you care....

I’ll just points out that a number of ppl have suggested time off. Quit if you need to. No job is worth throwing your relationships away for. You can make up career time, but not family time

OP we care - send an update and stay strong

Agree with previous 2 posts. There is no good long term outcome here with separation :(
Look for good marriage counseling program with group meetings.