Still struggling to balance civilian "etiquette" if you will, with my natural personality, or at least the one I developed being in the military. I know I can be a bit brash at times, or say off-the-cuff things, but are we really expected to be totally soft and agreeable? Strange tradeoff if you ask me, not sure I agree with it.

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I’ve mentored a lot of recently transitioned vets and this is common. I only served a few years as junior enlisted so maybe I was able to remold myself after, but it’s a tough pill to swallow that the world will not change for you and you have to change to adapt. My advice is to find a hobby that you can be “brash” at to get it out of your system. Hit the gym. Chop wood. Build something. But that behavior at work can be detrimental to your civilian career. Good luck

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This is really solid advice.

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Listen, be yourself, period. If you know your are “Brash” what’s wrong with that? Honestly? Are you being constructive in your criticism or are you just being mean? That’s the difference. DO NOT stop being brash, just change the manner in which you are. And “off the cuff” means you speak the truth but is your truth professional or unprofessional? That’s the difference. I have changed my vocabulary but not who I am, what I stand for, my ow standards or why I say what I say, I just make it up professionally and with tact. In the end, nobody cares about your service, just how mature you have finished it.

Learn the rules of the game? What rules? I still talk to my students in the same stern and direct manner I spoke to my juniors, the only difference is I do not curse or knife hand them. I would never accept “softness” or being “agreeable” to me those mean: Soft = Not capable of taking constructive criticism
Agreeable = Yes Men

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HST1 The rules of the game are learning to be direct/decisive/assertive while reading the room and likely not possessing the authority to just make people do what you want them to do. Life is a series of games, that is all. Learn the rules so you know how to bend them to your goals and win.

No offense but being a teacher is entirely different than being a consultant or corporate leader, and being generally agreeable is not being soft unless you allow yourself to get run over.

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I think the problem for most people who find it hard to adjust to “civilian” life are people who made being in the military a personality trait. If you’re naturally abrasive, then that’s just you, but to say that the military made your personality, tells me you have no identity of your own. I chose to be around people who did not serve during my off time because I didn’t want to be a victim of the dreaded echo chamber many fall victim to. If you feel out of place, maybe you should do some inner work or find other veterans at your company and discuss how you can get through said name problem. Sometimes how we show up in the world can be problematic, and it’s up to us to put our ego aside and fix the issue.

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