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The fact that I have already seen my life change in ways that were previously beyond my wildest dreams. The fact that I'm not running from my trauma and my past anymore. The fact that I am now a person who people look up to and who people can rely on. I am proud of who I am for the first time in my life and it's because I am sober and I work the 12 steps.
I remember the relationships I had with people before I spiraled and lost most of them. Hoping that I’ll be able to hold strong relationships like that again gives me hope
Rising Star
The AA promises
Rising Star
My family that depends on me
And wanting to just find one thing to be proud of myself about
No hope just fear of having all the worst expierences life has to offer if I kept drinking: homelessness, prison, asylum, etc.
I've been sober for a year and 2 months. There have been ups and downs. Objectively life is a lot better now. A year and 2 months ago I was basically unemployable, I was seriously in danger of ending up homeless, I had destroyed my relationship with my family and friends, and I had destroyed my reputation so much I had to move a 1000 miles. Now I'm at a good job making more than I ever have before, I have stable housing, and I have a great relationship with my family again. But it's not enough. I hate my life. I want to drink, shoot up, or die.
I made a promise to someone I love that I wouldn't end my life if they didn't end theirs, but I really want to die. I really hope each day that a semi will lose control and spinout and crush my car, or some space debris will fall on me, or I just won't wake up the next day.
My kids. I don't want to continue the same generational cycle that has been passed down in my family. I want them to have an easier life than I had, than my parents had.
Knowing I will never overdose again, destroy my family mentally and let something have so much control over me I turn into Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Plus even weed has fentanyl in it now, one bad decision and you're dead. That makes me happy and hopeful. You will see..... Much love
Honestly I think my family because they mean they world to me and they deserve my best self every single day. I am not perfect and I do make mistkakes but I try to be a better person every single day.