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I am a Design Engineer, Mtech + 4 yrs.
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I’m not a counselor, but as a behavior analyst, friends or family will ask me for advice and it’s very tricky because I’m technically not at liberty to provide advice outside of my work environment. It’s literally against my code of ethics - just as a doctor could be put in a legally compromised position giving the wrong medical advice to someone outside of his/her medical environment. So, you could try telling them the truth - there’s an ethical issue in attempting to provide your services to your own family. The conflict of interest could create issues, potentially causing more harm than good, despite good intentions - additionally, as a member of the family yourself, it puts you at an awkward position and any insights you have are completely biased. You could tell them that your best advice is to seek an independent therapist who has no ties to the family dynamic.
Thank you for this! I was trying to find a solid and polite way to help me explain this to them and this helps a lot. It is ethically inappropriate, and simply a bad idea in my eyes.
It's ok to say "I know I am qualified to help you, but due to our familial relationship I simply ethically cannot." I don't know the personality of your aunt, but if you can recommend her some confidential resources for her mental health, I feel like you're doing your best.
Definitely seems as if she was taking advantage of you in this moment, regardless if she's conscious of that or not. I think obviously it's about boundary setting and stopping that kind of action by family before it starts.
I love how all of us behavior specialists were on top of this post. We’re not behavior specialists for no reason 😅
State your limits in advance: something like…”I am your family member so it’s not loving, kind, or ethical to be your therapist. I will ask you not to share sensitive information if it strays into therapy territory. I am happy to give you names of counselors who might be able to help. I love you too much to have anything come between us.”
Explain to them how you're ethically unable to act as a therapist for them. If they can't understand that, hit them with the "you're gonna have to pay for that" bit. That's what usually scares them off. If you can, suggest them to another therapist you know.
I know it's hard to say no when they are already spilling things like that. I've been there, but I have set boundaries because some relatives I consider as energy vampires who will sap your energy any moment they can. Your feelings here are valid because you are basically becoming their emotional dump. It is neither healthy for you both.
Over thanksgiving? When all you want to do is enjoy the holiday and not think about work. That's so frustratung. Been there too many times myself but I constantly tell them that I wouod get back to them once I find the time. But I know I eventually need to make up a good excuse to reject their request.
Wow, that stinks that they did this over thanksgiving. I think however you have the right to tell them that you love them and ethically they are family and you cant treat them. That they need to seek professional help. Good luck.