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In my reports -> My current CTC section. It has details of Current annual & Monthly AGS. My question is what is AGS? It is showing half of my CTC. Should I raise this to HR or it is just something else. And where can we get the actual CTC reflection? Pls help. Thanks in advance.
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I’ll just say that if this is their first grandkid then it’s been like 25-30+ years since they’ve taken care of a baby and allllll the rules have changed. Even the diapers are different (that blue line didn’t exist in diaper apparently, that one blew my mom’s mind). They also probably didn’t obsess over nap schedules like we do, I was laughed at when I mentioned wake windows haha
I was astonished at how much I forgot about babies from baby 1 to baby 2, only 2 years apart. I imagine if it's been decades I would forget even more.
Those details are so strong when you live it and then there's no reason to remember those details when you don't need to.
I wouldn’t call ignorance from lack of practice hands off. There are really uninvolved grandparents and you won’t have to worry about leaving the baby with them because they aren’t there! Cut yours some slack and teach them
They definitely forgot - it’s been ~30 years. If you have the first grandchild, give them time. It took my in-laws a little while, but now they’re wonderful.
Just remember this when they say something like “Oh you were walking by 8 months” or “You never cried like that”… THEY DON’T REMEMBER. Most of them just have a few good memories, even fewer bad, and they make the rest up as they go along.
Also, nap schedules weren’t a thing. They didn’t have the guidance we do around sleep. My mom breastfed me all night and co-slept, and my MIL would keep my husband strapped to her in a baby carrier and stay up all night. They thought I was crazy for having a sleep schedule, but it works!
TLDR; give them time, and ignore their advice for the most part
I think you’re being overly harsh. It’s literally been decades since they had babies and things like nap schedules are frankly relatively new concepts. Back then our parents were more chill I think and it probably was a good thing! I just try to let my parents enjoy their time with their grandkids and if they are looking after them I just tell them roughly what he needs
Yea same, I had to show my mom things all over again. When my baby was 2mo old she used to cry so much, my mom was convinced she was hungry and came with potatoes avocado papaya and mangoes to puree. For a 2 month old! I gave her A for effort and concern but since then I just make sure to give the instructions to the T whenever she’s watching her. My friends mom at thanksgiving wanted to offer my 9 month old some berries off a charcuterie board which had honey on them. My friend stepped in so quick. Idk it’s just these new age grandmas
My experience is a bit different in that my mother has been amazing and is open to learn all the new changes since she had me.
But it quickly became clear that my father never lifted a finger to take cake of us as babies. He tried to hold my 3 month old, and when the baby started crying my dad said, “He doesn’t like me. Take him back.”
Having my own kids kinda ruined my perception of my father. I realized he never parented any of us. He was just a guy who lived in our house.
It really just demonstrates that these men have never sat and thought about just how much work their daughters (and wives before them) are doing to maintain even a semblance of a cleanish home while caring for a baby. I don’t believe they lost that level of empathy with age. I think they just never had it and women in their lives enabled their entitled behavior for years.
My father in law was sitting in the backseat with my baby a few years ago, his first grandchild. I’ll never forget..the baby was crying and crying and he said- should I take him out and hold him? WHILE I WAS DRIVING. I asked if he was kidding and it became clear, he was not.
Things were different back in the day.. grandparents don’t remember the day to day of having babies when it’s been 30,35,40 years since they had one.
It’s 4-5 years later and they are much better. There’s also a difference with some grandparents taking care of a baby vs a potty trained 3+ year old that they can talk to and hang out with. You may have to wait to get some real good help out of grandparents, but at least they’re there. Lower your expectations, dramatically. That’s what I had to do with my mom. And it helped to reframe my expectations.
My dad was 79 when he had his first grand child. (I was 37) I felt like he never touched a baby in his entire life, lol. He kept saying “I don’t remember you crying this much”. I’m sure I did, but I’m sure he was at work and my mom did everything lollll.
Now that my son is 3, he’s great with him. Still doesn’t quite know what to do sometimes but they are best pals. Give them grace. When we get to their age I’m sure we’ll all forget what to do and by then robots may be raising the kids.
Anytime I ever asked my mom a question like “ this just happened, is this normal? What did you do in this situation?” etc, she told me that she has no memory of the baby phase whatsoever, almost like a trauma that her mind erased from her memory lol. I’m about to have a baby eight years after my last and I feel like I’ll probably be the same.
With that said, my mom has always been great with my son. She was perfectly open to any feeding or napping or potty training schedules that we were working with at the time.
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Yeah, I wouldn’t expect that. Nobody wants to take care of your kid. They just want to enjoy it.
Yep. My mom is gone, my dad straight up admits not remembering anything, and my in-laws act like they’ve never seen a baby before — no idea how they raised two sons. At least my in-laws are open to learning, for the most part, but it’ll be a while (if ever) before I trust them to take care of the baby. It’s definitely not the village I’d hoped for.