How to deal with a partner who is a bully? She belittles people on calls; sometimes talks to me like I am a child. I work with other partners, male or female, with no issues at all - I don’t mind high standard but she is going too far and it causes me so much anxiety and I can’t stand her any longer. I have not out her completely but I feel I need to be 100% honest with someone or I need to quit.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

You can do one of the following, although I suggest both 1 and 2. That said if you’re very junior, 2 or 3 is a more realistic approach.

Before you do this, and I don’t want to disqualify your feelings or justify the behavior as I have no clue what happened, but make sure this is not you overreacting to her. I see this often - people project onto others, so just assess that.

1. Talk to a PP you know best and share your concerns and ask for advice on how to handle it. They may give you give you some more personalized advice since they know the person. That also gives you cover. If they know of other similar issues, they also escalate it beyond the scenes generally without you being caught in the middle.

2. Have a short 1:1 conversation with her immediately after an incident. Partner, do you have 5 minutes? I wanted to let you know that I did not appreciate how you spoke to me on the call in front of the team. I felt it was demeaning, and it made me feel embarrassed in front of the team. I hope it was not intentional, and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t do this again. I am learning a lot on the project and really look forward to continuing. Thank you for understanding. The reason this is important is because you’re calling this out and asking them to stop, so they can’t use oh they’re just too sensitive. Also frankly, I always give people benefit of the doubt - not everyone is emotionally intelligent, so a conversation like this might be enough to snap them into reality. This also protects you from possible retaliation in a way as you clearly stated you don’t appreciate a behavior. Finally, you’re a professional, even if you’re more junior, you should be treated with respect - don’t take shit like this form people, even partners.

3. Report anonymously through your ethics hotline or equivalent. That will initiate an investigation in most places where people will be asked to comment and if there’s an issue, things get exposed. Sometimes it’s bit harder for situations where it’s more settle, but what it does is it puts HR on notice for this person. And if stuff like this happens again, then there’s a pattern and it’s easier to take action.

I will also say this - if you tried, but it’s not working, removing yourself from the situation isn’t always a bad thing either. There have been people in my firm that I flat out refused to work with - it’s just not worth it; I wiggled out of those when I was younger by finding other projects and people I liked.

Anyway, hope this helps. Hang in there. I hope it gets resolved.

likehelpful

I’ve experienced this and what helped me was letting other trusted partners know what I was experiencing to 1) raise my concerns 2) have a trail 3) get their coaching. Additionally, I started to diversify my project portfolio to reduce this partners influence on my performance outcome. Finally, I stopped stepping on eggshells around this person because I realized it didn’t matter what i did or didn’t this person would still be all the things you described above. So focus on what you can control (e.g., strong client relationships, delivery excellence, firm visibility and sponsorship) and let that be your North Star.

Simply ask her if belittling people makes her feel better about herself… literally just say it look her right in the eyes, relax and wait for an answer. She will loose her mind, you remain calm. Then you simply say, a lot of us have been wondering so I told the team I would be the one to ask…

funnylike

Sure shot way to get fired

like

Sounds normal for Deloitte

funny

I have to say she is the only one I have problem with. Partners I work with are in general very good at what they do and nice people.

like

Thank you OP for sharing your experience. To the extent you are at the SM and above level, I agree with P1 suggestions.

I do want to highlight P1’s projection point. I am curious if is she one of the few assertive women in your group? There are certain known issues in the workplace

Leaving these 2 articles for people to review. There are several research papers available online for people to explore their own biases on female assertiveness (whether they are internalized or not):

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/article-leaders-are-expected-to-be-bold-and-assertive-so-why-do-women-leaders/

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2021-32191-001

like

Thank you! She is assertive for sure. I am one myself some may say; I hold people accountable but I don’t put them down; I have high standards but I make sure I communicate my expectations; when those are not met, I take that as an learning opportunity and work through with them. If my team makes a mistake, I take the blame while figuring out the cause and solutions going forward.

I totally get this notion when female leaders are assertive, we get the bad rep; at the same time, some use this as their shield or excuse when some of their unacceptable behaviors are brought to the surface. I believe one can be assertive, respectful and professional all at the same time, male or female.

like

You should get therapy and check your own cognitive bias before acting on this.

Related Posts

If buy the partners you work with regularly a holiday gift, how much do you spend? Usually I get baked goods or food items which you can’t tell the actual amount spent on. This year, though, I’d like to support local restaurants by encouraging people to order takeout—hence, giving gift cards.

How much is appropriate for a restaurant gift card from an associate to a partner?

Has your boss ever forgotten to pay your commission? Happened to me today. Actually to our entire sales team. Advice for how to respond?

like

Hi everyone, have a noob question here. When did you share the pregnancy news with your employer? Not sure when it’s optimal to do that. :)

like

Good places for buying business casual clothing (men's)?

like

what should I wear back to office?

The hostility on my team is rough. We have a yeller. I walked by her room the other day. She was screaming across the room at a student, "you have to be kind to get kindness." Seriously, those were her words in a loud, berating, angry tone. Our admin has asked that we not report these. We are to talk to the teacher. She has yelled at me and other adults. Admin has to know she treats the kids this way too. One teacher has to work with her door closed to not hear the yelling all day.

like

Feeling like it's only a matter of time before I have to tell the new marketing dept head that the snazzy jargon just makes him sound like a tryhard and alienates our customer base

like

Confronting colleagues? Yes or no ? On a side note, any book recommendations for handling workplace situations

like

My boss won’t stop sexually harassing me. Verbally, email, texts - 400+. He even set up his office with a display of sex toys and edibles condiments to show me that he planned to give me oral sex. All started 3 weeks into the job. I moved my family cross country for this job and just bought a house. He promises me none of his requests or my responses will affect my job and is just begging now to be friends with me. Tell me what would you do if you were me.

like

Kind of love my main client. She lowkey texts me when she steps away from calls to pee.

likefunny

Just started a new job a couple of weeks ago and also today found out my wife's pregnant. When is an appropriate time to tell my new boss? Company policy asks for 3 months notice but it's a growing startup. What does everyone think is appropriate?

like

I just got called for an interview next week. Yay! It’s at the school where I have been a para for several years and where I want to end up.

Any advice on how to dress and what to bring? Portfolio?

like

Heard from me:

“Oh, junior person, you have edits to the monthly activity report 3 days after your deadline to review the report, and after I sent it to the client? How lovely for you."

likefunny

Thinking about getting a Speedmaster Pro moon chrono (one with skeleton case back). Good value? Could I wear as a daily wearer to client?

How would you suggest dealing with a toxic boss? They gossip and seem to purposely be vague about critical information, likely so they can't be held accountable.

like

After how many wears do you usually dry clean your suit jacket, suit pants, and blazer?

like

How can I not be awkward at conferences where all my remote coworkers that I've never met will be there? I have an issue with awkward silence and not knowing what to say or how to act.

Just found out I’m staffed in Miami the rest of the year, coming from a much colder climate.

Any favorite tips/tricks for looking professional in heat & humidity?

Director of Marketing wants me to write some conversation snippets for a chatbot, but I think those things drive potential clients away. Trying to figure out if I should tell him or not

like

How to ask for a raise when you have more responsibility ?
Is it normal for people to ask for a raise when more responsibility/task fall under them? My company is going through separation and unfortunately my team is the one getting separated, I have to take on responsibility of another 3 people and continue to deliver the same after separation… how will you start this conversation with your manager ? Thanks in advance.

More Posts

Rakuten symphony Rakuten India Good organization to join for as PM?
I am currently in Publicis Sapient

like

Buying a Cathay Pacific Economy flight, am AA Platinum, can I use AA miles to upgrade my CX flight?

like

Why won’t AA let me book business class flights with points if they’re available to buy cash? (Qatar flight on AA site)

like

What are the perks and benefits offered at Autodesk India, Bangalore office. Do we get free food, outings, hotel stays, coupons, etc.😃

like

What’s everyone’s take on the Mimecast breach?

Recently i got offer from bosch ,meanwhile benz is also called for 4th round of interview,what should i do if i received offer from benz ?can i withdraw from bosch within a month and join benz?

Potentially moving to Charlotte next June! Never been. Anyone have apartment rev commendations? Looking for 1 bed in a nice area!

Anyone has attended Solarwinds interview as a Web Operation Engineer?@solarwinds

like

Citi Bank I would like to know how much % hike one can get in internal mobility within citi ,Dublin.jump from AVP to VP Citi" class="linkified" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" >position.Citi Bank Citi

like

FactSet hi, does anyone have experience working for FactSet in Norwalk, CT? How is the culture like? Are they promoting from within? Turnover? Benefits? Pay? Work-life balance? I’m applying for an investment type role and taking a job with them would require relocation. Anything that you can share is much appreciated, thanks!

like

Can I move to Florida the month my bonus hits and not pay any NY State tax on it? Or would I just declare that 1/12 of the year I was in Florida and get the pro-rated refund from NYS on my overall Pay

like
like

My wife and I are moving to Boston from overseas (we’re from Italy and we’ve recently won the diversity visa green card lottery).

We are looking to rent a 1BR starting in January, ideally for ~$3k/month. I’ll be working in the downtown area.

Do you recommend we go for a serviced/luxury apartment (e.g. Montaje, 345 Harrison, etc.) or hire a broker to get a “normal” apartment?

Any managed buildings recommendations within our budget? Also, what are some good brokers we could work with?

Thanks!

like

Microsoft is hiring an account executive and I’m really interested in the role. I have B2B sales experience in a different industry, but my skills include lead generation, prospecting, account management, negotiating, etc (all within the C Suite and other decision makers).

Would appreciate knowing if this is something I have a shot at with no tech sales experience and what I could expect for promotional opportunities and compensation.

Thanks for the help!

Hi 🦈

I have offers from below organizations. Please help me to choose on basis of learning and work life balance.
Accenture - 21L(16.5F + 4.5V) Job Level 9. LTI - 22L(19F + 3V) Job Level P2.
Tata Consultancy - 23L(20F+3V) Job Level C3B.
Capgemini - 24L(21.5F+2.5V) Job Level C2. Cognizant - 25L(24.3F+9.7V) Job Level Sr Associate.
HCL Technologies - 26.5L(24.5F(including monthly EPB)+2.12V) Job Level E2.

YOE - 8.5 years CCTC - 10.05L
Tech - SAP UI5/Fiori
Deloitte EY Infosys Mindtree

like

Glassdoor.com. can we delete this now?

like

Any insight into Adobe Solution Consultant role working in pre sales? How’s the comp like?

like

Any help would be appreciated.

My current tech stack is Microsoft Powerapps, PowerBI, Powerautomate administration.
But when I search to switch jobs in the same, the options are very less. Why? Can anyone suggest? or, what exactly should I search for related jobs?

Should i change my domain? or, Should i study something else in the same domain to get jobs???

YOE:2 yrs

like

Additional Posts in Partner One

I thought this question would be best for partners who’ve been in the industry for awhile...

like

/x-post from the Consulting Bowl/

Hello, Partners. Can anyone recommend fantastic courses, videos or training for a new manager like myself? I’ve come from a tech background and looking to be C-Suite

PwC is getting a lot of hate out there :(

Partners,

My firm is immature in guiding development planning. I have energy to accelerate to the next level of responsibility.

What evidence distinguishes an analyst as ready for the next level?

like

Big4 partners, do you feel the journey has been worth it when gauging by the variables of money, family, sphere of influence, and happiness? Or industry still seems more alluring? Thanks for your wisdom.

like

What was the first thing you did once you become partner? I am assuming heavy pressure on selling more than what you were selling before?

like

Partners- At what point in your career did you feel like you had financially “made it”?

likesmart

Hey Partners! I accepted a position at another firm and was bumped from manager to Senior consultant level. Could you give me some advice on 3 key things I can focus on to help me re-advance quickly?

like

For the partners/mds/directors etc how are you protecting your money with the new administration? I’m assuming Biden’s plan will help the lower class but for the upper class I’m sure there have been strategies your advisors have been telling you. I currently have 20k in savings and feel like it’s just getting inflated away.

funnylike

Looking for advice: would you stay in partner pipeline at Big 4 or move to one of the MBBs as a principal? I am hearing that with Big 4 getting into strategy more, MBBs will be obsolete soon thoughts?

likefunny

Partners, what are the financial benefits of retiring as a Partner at PwC or other Big 4s?

likehelpfulfunny

Big 4 partners, can you provide any insights into the Partner v MD decision when you were up? Were you given the option? Can you share the pros v cons, especially from salary and pension standpoint.

likehelpful

How much do MDs make? What is their comp structure like?

like

Big4 Advisory Partners/Principals - how much do you make in your 1st - 4th year as a partner/principal?
Trying to make a decision whether its worth continuing.

likehelpful

Curious what % of partners/MDs have spouses who also work. And regardless of non/working spouse, what do you do to feel a work/family balance?

like

Hiya! I was wondering if anyone here has any good recommendations in terms of books or learning material that I can pick up to learn about sales and marketing relevant to the consulting industry?

like

D 🐠, what was your take home in first year as principal? I assume you all get roughly 350 units and have to finance your buy in. What does that leave for your monthly draw? And after your insurance?

like

Partners, what is your advice to folks who are currently on bench on how to best utilize their time and what value add activities (personal/professional) that they can/should do.

like

Dear Partners-
Have any of you switched firms to make P? Worth it? Tips? Have always planned to make at my firm, but my firm isn’t keeping up their end of the deal, so I’m job hunting....

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal