a Middle School Business Teacher
Chief
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Much as I admire your compassion and desire to help, this sounds like a situation that's beyond the scope of a teacher. There are things we really aren't capable of fixing, much as we'd like to help. A referral for counseling seems like the best approach. And if he's exhibiting behavior that's "hateful," it should be taken quite seriously.
Chief
Apparently this has been going on in multiple classes, and the counselors have been working with him. But his aggression and hatefulness has landed him in trouble. Now he is stuck in In School Suspension.
Have you shared your concern with the school counselor?? Have you reached out to his dad?? He may need counseling to help him with the loss of his mom.
Chief
The counselor and other supports have been in place. I did email the dad, but haven't heard back from him, his aunt is also at the school. He has people who have his back. I took some work to him today, and helped him do some work during my planning period. He was as nice as could be.
Tell him you understand where his actions come from, but that he is being hurtful and the behavior is wrong. Be upfront to him about how he is hurting others to ease his own hurt. BUT...give him an alternative. Can he take a walk to center himself, is there a safe place in school he can go for a few minutes? Can he write a letter to his mother expressing his feelings and pain? He can give the letter to you in a sealed envelope for you to save for him later. You wouldn't have the right to read it unless he gave you permission, but recognize that permission needs to be in writing in case it turns on you. There also could be a trusted person you could deliver the letter to. Just a few thought, there are other centering activities, but they are person specific.
Chief
Thank you, he knows that I lost a child and my mom. One day he talked to me a little bit about it and how he feels. Then a few days later he's cavorting around the room and interrupting other students. I have been so frustrated and sad at the same time
Chief
Thank you everyone. He is now on In School Suspension. They do restorative circles, and behavior mods, as well as give them talking time with the counselors. His behavior has been off the chain in other classes too. I'm hoping they can get him the help he needs.
I echo what everyone else has said. This does not sound like a situation you have the time or tools to address. Get him in to see the counselors. You may need to make a behavior management plan while he processes his emotions. Counselors can help with that, too.
I am so sorry to hear that OP, that is a really tough spot to be in. Have you tried sending him to the guidance counselor or even talking to the guardian of the child? There is only so much you can do and especially when it starts to interfere with the environment of your other students.
Chief
Talked to the step parent Friday. I actually spent some time in the AEP room and helped him turn in some assignments. When certain kids aren't around, he is so good, but let a couple of his friends cone into the room and he totally changes
We wear so many hats as teachers. Lately, it seems every single kid has something that the classroom teacher is trying to navigate. Services to help are constantly being cut. It is exhausting 😞 Take care of yourself, too, so you can continue to help others, many of us forget that this is necessary.
Chief
So true, sometimes by the end of the day, I am emotionally and mentally zapped. I love my job, but it seems like the onslaught of feelings, needs, anger, turmoil, etc from our students is massive.
Thought: talk to dad about getting a social emotional therapy dog for him. Dogs are unconditional with love and loyalty. He can bring the dog to school with him and when he starts to escalate he has the dog to love on, talk to, and calm down with. They really are incredibly wonderful for these exact situations! Dad may also need to put him on an antidepressant/antianxiety medication as well.
The counselor needs to talk to the family about a mental health referral. If there are any local grief counseling groups or therapists that are experienced in working with grieving kids.
Chief
That student came to my class today to get his Chrombook. He actually chatted, and joked with me for a few minutes. He seemed to be in such good spirits. I felt such relieve that he seemed more like the student he was before.