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Additional Posts in Addiction & Sobriety
4 Years Yesterday!
One day at a time.
Daily Reflections Recurring Post
January 18, 2021
WOULD A DRINK HELP?
By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23
Click link for today’s full reading: https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection
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You can’t break their patterns or change them. If they’re threatening your program you need to find a way to detach with love. Have you looked into al-anon?
There are likely a lot of double winners here (AA and Al-Anon). I’m an alcoholic and my dad and brother are addicts. The difference is I got sober a long time ago and they didn’t. I had to come to the realization that, at least for me, it just wasn’t healthy to maintain those relationships while trying to stay sober and keep my sanity. So I detached with love and haven spoken to either in years. It sucks that my dad has never met his grandkids and my brother has never met his nephews, but it’s not my fault that they are still in active addition, nor is it my responsibility to get them sober. And they both know that when they’re ready to get help, I’m here. That just hasn’t happened yet.
Protect your own sobriety and focus on your side of the street. And try Al-Anon.
Can’t thank you enough for this. Already gone no contact with my parents but still in touch with my brother. It is painful to watch the generational trauma play out. Will check out Al-Anon
Expectation management of the people that trigger us is hard. One of the things I learned in treatment is that trying to change someone's behavior isn't your responsibility, but you can change you expectations of them to be more in line with reality and thus less painful. E.g., a relative that always makes themselves the center of attention at family events isn't going to change that behavior upon seeing your annoyed reaction to it (although, they probably were too wrapped up in their own trauma responses to notice). But, you can expect them to do something annoying at every family event. Walk into these unavoidable interactions with honest, realistic expectations of the people and their effect on you will dissipate over time.
I can’t share anything that has worked but I can relate to the same scenario. My family of origins are the same and their attitudes are extremely hateful. But they play the passage aggressive card, maybe even worse than being upfront hateful.
I haven’t changed much besides distancing whenever I get the chance but most times it’s a hurtful ride home. One thing I tried was not exposing things to them but then it limits your life story and who wants to do that. Sobriety is hard. If you ever need to talk to someone, I’m available