I have been struggling with a “pu’u pu’u platter of addictions” (thank you for the phrase Brene Brown) for much of my life and have managed to work a program for the past five years. My problem is my family of origin. My dad is an alcoholic and my brother - if he isn’t already - is well on his way. Their attitudes are so unhealthy and I am struggling to break patterns. I welcome advice from any and all who have had to deal with this added layer of complexity

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

You can’t break their patterns or change them. If they’re threatening your program you need to find a way to detach with love. Have you looked into al-anon?

likehelpful

There are likely a lot of double winners here (AA and Al-Anon). I’m an alcoholic and my dad and brother are addicts. The difference is I got sober a long time ago and they didn’t. I had to come to the realization that, at least for me, it just wasn’t healthy to maintain those relationships while trying to stay sober and keep my sanity. So I detached with love and haven spoken to either in years. It sucks that my dad has never met his grandkids and my brother has never met his nephews, but it’s not my fault that they are still in active addition, nor is it my responsibility to get them sober. And they both know that when they’re ready to get help, I’m here. That just hasn’t happened yet.

Protect your own sobriety and focus on your side of the street. And try Al-Anon.

like

Can’t thank you enough for this. Already gone no contact with my parents but still in touch with my brother. It is painful to watch the generational trauma play out. Will check out Al-Anon

like

Expectation management of the people that trigger us is hard. One of the things I learned in treatment is that trying to change someone's behavior isn't your responsibility, but you can change you expectations of them to be more in line with reality and thus less painful. E.g., a relative that always makes themselves the center of attention at family events isn't going to change that behavior upon seeing your annoyed reaction to it (although, they probably were too wrapped up in their own trauma responses to notice). But, you can expect them to do something annoying at every family event. Walk into these unavoidable interactions with honest, realistic expectations of the people and their effect on you will dissipate over time.

like

I can’t share anything that has worked but I can relate to the same scenario. My family of origins are the same and their attitudes are extremely hateful. But they play the passage aggressive card, maybe even worse than being upfront hateful.
I haven’t changed much besides distancing whenever I get the chance but most times it’s a hurtful ride home. One thing I tried was not exposing things to them but then it limits your life story and who wants to do that. Sobriety is hard. If you ever need to talk to someone, I’m available

like

Related Posts

How would you identify what your needs are from your SO?

like

is FDD going to start hiring again?

like

Must do’s around Prospect Park area? Moving into the area and excited to check out local restaurants, stores, events, etc.

if you know about any dog friendly activities, even better!

like
like

Has anyone in the forensic/investigations field moved to Qatar/lives in Qatar for work? How do you find it? What are the salaries like as a Head of Ethics in Oil and Gas?

like

“The realization that you can meet someone and it can just feel easy and not like work is amazing” —Rupam, Indian Matchmaking

likeuplifting

Anyone take the FP&A route rather than operational accounting when you left PA

Firm Veteran Initiatives are primarily aimed at prior officers and it infuriates me. There are very capable prior enlisted out there that are being overlooked.

like

Went on a few dates with this lady. I got a new job and it’s where this lady works. I thought we wouldn’t overlap since different department. Now having a meeting with her tomorrow 😱

funnylikesmart

Young marketer looking to build CV! I’m wondering what industries look favourable on a CV to carve a path for marketing leadership one day. I.E. Marketing agencies, startups, corporate companies in retail/CPG, consulting etc? Where are good training grounds for future CMOs?

Hi Frnd’s

Quick question:when we design for android app. Do we need to provide 4 different dimensions of icons and images for small, medium, large and XL android sizes?

like

Anyone work at ProAssurance/MedMarc? Have potential to move for 25% higher salary and fully remote work, but wondering if there’s advancement opportunity and how the culture is. Thanks!

like

Any insight on pwc cloud and Intel automation practice?

Not fashion related but where do you all get your pillows and bed sheets from? I want some
Good quality pillows that long last

like

Have you seen JLo’s movie “Hustlers?” Just watched it and loved it. Loved Ramona’s line about, “you just have to figure out what kind of man you’re dealing with.” I’m paraphrasing.

like

Hello folks, quick qstn -Has notice period increased in Deloitte USI from 60 days to 90 days? Please advise if I'm incorrect. Deloitte

like

Hi Fishes,

I need 11 likes to unlock DM feature.

Thanks in advance!

like

I have an estranged relationship with my sister. I haven’t had a relationship with her in 13+ years, and haven’t even seen her in about 5 years. We had a really bad falling out and I never really carried for her as a person. But for some reason I feel an immense guilt for not wanting a relationship, simply because of this convoluted idea of family and sticking together no matter what. Anyone else have this issue? How do I go about making peace with someone I don’t want nothing to do with?

like

Hi team, Im a Chartered accountant working in PWC Audit and Assurance for 2.5 years. Can someone refer my profile in any Big 4s in UK?

My boyfriends birthday is coming up. He’s turning 28, but he’s new to the city we live in and doesn’t have many friends. He works from home and his company is based in a different state so he couldn’t invite his colleagues if he wanted to… anyway, how can I make his day special, even if that means I invite 1-2 of his new friends in the city? He likes sports and food and anything active! Any and all ideas and gift ideas welcome!

like

Additional Posts in Addiction & Sobriety

Feeling so frustrated and scared. I am trying my hardest to be loving to my brother who is addicted to many things. My family has been encouraging him for years to get real help. He’s finally semi-agreed to go to a detox facility and then rehab. However, those are far away from where we all live now. My 70+ dad wants to fly with my brother there to make sure he goes. I understand, but also...there’s a freaking pandemic going on with a virus targeting older people. Cont’d...

like

Has anyone here struggled with Adderall? Things have gotten bad for me again, and I’m looking for hope...

like

How do you all navigate that time of night when you hit a wall because you haven’t been drinking, but you’re friends are staying out? I’ve just been going home. But I’m in my mid 20s, and feel like I’m missing out on some friend bonding time. I suppose the answer is to just bond at different times of the day, and revolve my relationships around non going out environments.

likesmart

Welcome to the Addiction & Sobriety bowl! This is not a bowl to make diagnoses or give advice; this is a place to answer questions from those who still suffer and for those in recovery to share hope.

like

4 Years Yesterday!

One day at a time.

Post Photo
likeuplifting

Friday checkin!! How’s everyone doing? It’s finally pool weather in texas which is a big drinking trigger for me but also a big positive. I love being in the sun. It recharges me. I love to swim, float, listen to audiobooks or rock out to music in the pool. Throw a meat on the grill, peel a salad. I feel healthy and recharged and the Claws compliment the day well. Tricks me into thinking I can drink healthy.

like

Hi 🐠- question for you guys. My cousin is an alcoholic and has struggled to remain sober over the past few months. He and his wife purchased a breathalyzer about a year ago, and my cousin is now suggesting that he send his family members (wife, siblings, parents) regular screenshots of his breathalyzer results as a means to hold him accountable. As someone that grew up around addiction, this sounds like a recipe for strained relationships and animosity, but what are your guys thoughts?

like

New to recovery and had an intake call with an IOP program. They said all sessions will be on Zoom and I’m really nervous that I won’t connect to the program virtually. Anyone start rehab virtually?

like

So I wanted to share my experience and see if it helps anyone else out there. I was not an alcoholic, but I was definitely alcohol abusive. I would go out and drink and then be completely blacked out and not remember anything. I would also do and say stupid things that just made no sense and I even got in trouble with the law a few times.

One day, my friend and I after a few day bender decided to take some LSD because we were hung over and just wanted to not drink and chill. (Cont.)

like

I’m on day 4 without a drink. Finally decided I need to get my shit together. “Working on it” won’t cut it, just do it.

likeuplifting

When did you realize you had an alcohol problem? Did a therapist, doctor help you recognize this issue? I think I have a problem but my therapist doesn’t seem to agree. My grandfather and father have alcohol issues and my sister is on AA. I seem to have this urge especially when I am under stress….

like

Last 5 years I've been fortunate enough to be working, especially thru the pandemic in a very successful ortho practice. Past months I've been struggling with a nagging hip injury I had surgery in February, went to work the next day. My body is failing & my mind is following, I've recently turned to alcohol. I've spoken to my PCP she gave me something to back off the booze & I've been going to therapy for hip & mh. How should I speak to my employer about taking time off? Prob another procedure

like

What are the most important lessons you have learned at your lowest point and how do they continue helping you?

like

Y'all know about this?? Mark your calendars for next year 🗓♥️

Post Photo
like

Been running on self-will for the duration of this lockdown. My reserves that I built up in this program are depleted. Thankfully I was able to attend a meeting this evening, and the topic was 3rd step. Funny how that happens. Good reminder that a life run on self-will can hardly be a success.

like
like

I’m sober curious. I’m also about to help a new non-alcoholic spirit company with their launch.
I have a question for people in recovery. If a brand were to contend that sobriety is a spectrum, or allow for that to a least be part of the conversation, how does that make you feel? Are other brands doing a good job of being inclusive of people who are truly sober?
(I get that NA drinks / spirits can be triggering for people in recovery)
Thank you.

like

I relapsed this weekend and put myself in so much danger. I am lucky to have made it home safely. So sad and questioning my ability to get back on track

like

Thoughts on drunk single female (show - free form) ?

like

All addictions are welcome. Sobriety, just like everything else in life, happens one day at a time. Remember, “Nothing changes if nothing changes."

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal