Is it normal for a person to be super shy? My bf is a very big introvert, has family for friends, more uncomfortable around female friendships/never had one. He is just even more shy around certain people like my flatmate to the point that he will stop talking/cut the conversation with me short and leave the place. It gets annoying cause that leaves me in an awkward place. I brought it up to him and he is working on his social skills but it still happens. Can anyone else relate and tell me why.

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Is he on the spectrum? Theres being shy and then theres this. Sounds like professional intervention is needed (or a new boyfriend)

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I once jokingly said it and he said no he isnt so im not sure. I have addressed his other issues with him like his eating habits, neurological issues so i dont think i can add more to it. It might seem too pushy at this point

Sounds more like a social anxiety disorder than introversion or shyness. A therapist can help.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561

Thanks for helping me understand this.

No disrespect but maybe you should have taken the time in getting to know him before you started dating him? You can never change who he is. You can only accept that he was either born this way or he became like this due to a troubled childhood or something. Respect his boundaries. Maybe you should find some affectionate or intimate way of boosting self-confidence if you know what I mean.

It’s best to spend time with him alone. Allow him to get comfortable within his own boundaries and eventually he might be confident enough to spend time with additional people. Personally I respect his resolve. I’m not an intro per se but I prefer not to mix and match with my partner’s social circle because it’s never worked out for me. Coincidentally introducing a girl partner to my own respective friends hasn’t worked out for me either haha.

There is a big difference between being shy and being an introvert. What you’re describing sounds more like social anxiety instead of either of those. Have you talked to him about this? Has he talked to a therapist or gotten anti-anxiety medication?

I have talked to him but not in a way that he has social anxiety or needs to get checked. My fear is that I already bother him with his other health issues literally everyday so this may seem too much.

Yes, it’s absolutely okay.

A lot of us come from different backgrounds and weren’t taught how to comfortably interact with different groups of people. Being super shy isn’t a flaw, it’s just a personality trait or a learned behavior. There’s nothing wrong with that.

If anything, consider it an opportunity. It can be an honor to support your partner and help him build confidence and social skills at his own pace. Patience, encouragement, and understanding go a long way. Use your time wisely to guide him rather than judge him.

Thanks for putting it in such a beautiful way. Could you tell me how can I make him comfortable? I try to make him participate but im not good at that myself. Im great on one on one conversations but not that great on making others conversate.

My wife is extremely shy and introverted, I think it has to do with her anxiety disorder. But being introverted is a totally normal thing imo. Not everyone is chatty and it doesn't necessarily mean they're on the spectrum or that something is "wrong" per se, people are just different.

Got it, thank you :)

No it isn't. At least according to any extrovert. Which is why they force us into meetings to take part in exercises that have nothing to do with the job and all about making us uncomfortable and drawing us out because if we could just see the error of our ways we could be more like.......them. If you are in outside sales than being an introvert is not going to work. In support functions which is what most of us choose to do it's not a deal killer. At least it shouldn't be. As far as relationships go (which why this kind of sub is even on a job website I have no idea because there has got to be a zillion other places to talk about this) it sounds like you are not a good fit for each other and should go your separate ways as this issue that seems to bother you will likely keep coming up.

Sounds like he's on the spectrum. As someone who is married to someone on the spectrum - his behavior will always present challenges. Stay with him only if you are sure that you care enough about him to deal with his behaviors. If not, best to get out now.

What determines that he is on spectrum? I mentioned it to him and he said he isnt so i dont know how to interpret it.

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