Is it unreasonable for me to ask my husband to leave his job (or request unpaid time off) to take care of our children? We have been trying to both work from home with 2 kids at home (ages 2 and 4) and it has been a general shitshow every day. I’m dropping the ball at work constantly, working till 2am almost every night and working every weekend, and the kids are suffering too (way too much tv time and not enough outdoor time and constantly acting out for attention as we are unable to engage...

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I’ve been down this path. I think who works in the family is a financial decision.

However, before you ask your husband to quit his job, I recommend that you fully assess what kind of a stay at home dad he will be. Your visions of home preschool, healthy meals, and daily trips to the park don’t necessarily come true just because your husband is no longer working. With a nanny, you can control what is happening by dictating the schedule. When your husband stays at home, the kids are his job and he is the decision maker.

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Very good point but not an issue in our case. He is very engaged and patient, is a great cook and has a background in early childhood education (ended up going a different route in life but is very good with kids). Our children adore spending time with him and have way more fun with him than with me.

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You need to have a business discussion with him 200K vs 80K means I do not think he has much of a leg to stand on when it comes to making significant family decisions that impact you, your health, etc.

You should totally look into getting a nanny. Find one that speaks a foreign language that is useful Spanish Portuguese French or whatever. Your kids will get exposed to another language another culture and you will get some of your sanity back.

Also just make sure that she is not particularly attractive. As my buddy’s wife says, that is setting yourself up for failure hence why they have had a succession of young super kind super great but overweight Brazilian girls helping to raise their kids. 

Their screening process was literally a stack of nanny dossiers where she asked him is she hot? The hot ones went into one pile the ones who are not hot went into the other. Then the hot pile went into the trash.

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Just tell him you want a “Manny” named Paulo from Brazil....

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With them in a way they need. I make more than double his income (200k vs 80k) and we can’t live on his income alone. Sending them back to daycare is not an option and he refuses to get a nanny because he doesn’t trust some “random person”. What do I do??

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Have you laid this out for him? That you cannot do it, and that he will not let you hire someone to do it, so he has to do it? It’s pretty clear: nanny or him. Let him choose but say it can’t be you or you’ll get fired and you can’t live off his salary. Just the facts. Let him decide. But absolutely stop doing it yourself. Leave the house for a long drive if you have to.

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Don’t have any advice for you but more power to you! We have a two and one year old but wife is stay at home I honestly wouldn’t be able to do what you’re doing.

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Yea we’re in a rough spot in terms of our kids ages. It’s a struggle on my end as well. I work on average 12-14hr a day (management consulting) and struggle just to help my wife (she needs a break too) I feel like I’m on paternity leave but with work.

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Do you work more hours in a day? Regardless I’d say no you’re not being unreasonable.

I would be too. There’s no reason that the division of labor should be that one sided. He needs to step up or figure out a solution where he can give more of his time to parenting the kids. Good luck!

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I don’t understand why it would be an issue, it’s a discussion worth having at least.

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