My dad is dying of cancer. It’s been a slow progression the past few years since his initial diagnosis, but his health has severely declined the last couple months and now he doesn’t have much longer (doctors say it could be a matter of weeks). It’s been really hard juggling work and family lately. I’m trying my best but am just feeling very stressed. Any advice or words of encouragement from others who’ve been though this hard time would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

likeupliftingfunny
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Haven’t been through it, just commenting to say that I am so, so sorry you and your family are going through this. My very best wishes to you and your family during such a terribly difficult time.

likeuplifting

I am very sorry. I know nothing makes it easier to bear. Hardest thing in the world.

I have been through this with my mom. Cancer on and off for years. Were told she had a week left. I flew back home as soon as we knew. We were just making her comfortable at that point. At-home hospice, I was essentially her nurse for her last few days. She couldn’t communicate or move much at that point. I stayed on the couch next to her and, it might sound crazy, but I still worked remotely those last few days. It gave me a purpose, a distraction, when there wasn’t anything else to be done. Everyone is different. Don’t be afraid to request time off. This is one of those situations where everyone understands.

Me & family planned her funeral and what she wanted then. We ran things by her as we could and she was able to approve/disapprove.

She didn’t feel comfortable having outside family/friends see her in that state, so we told everyone to send their well wishes virtually. But for me personally, it really helped to have friends visit, even if we just stood outside the house and chatted for a bit. Especially others who’d lost their parents, who understood.

Take breaks. Walk around your neighborhood. Open the curtains to let in the sun. You’re not alone.

likeupliftingfunny

This is my experience as well, though I just couldn’t bring myself to work. I can’t encourage taking FMLA enough if you are the type who needs to be away from work responsibilities. Please don’t hesitate to ask your workplace about it.

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I would take time off from work and just hang out with him as much as you can. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.

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I am so sorry. I went through the same thing recently and took FMLA leave and it was the best decision I’ve made in a long time. Please don’t pressure yourself to keep working and take a break if that is what feels right to you.

Please also don’t pressure yourself to come back to work or be ok by a certain time and give yourself the time and grace you need to grieve. Grief looks differently for everyone, manifests differently at different times and you are most likely grieving already. It’s ok to be upset or not upset at any time.

likehelpfulfunny

Watched my mom die of cancer. There’s nothing I can say to prepare you for it. What I’ll say is that if there are only weeks left, be aware that if he’s on hospice he’s not likely to be very coherent in the last ten days or so, at least my mom wasn’t. So don’t delay. Take off sooner than you think you need to take.

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I haven’t been through this, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this. If you haven’t talked to your firm yet, I suggest you do so and spend as much time with your dad as you can. You’ll be so thankful for that time in the future - law can wait. Sending you my best.

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I’m really really sorry. I’d take time off work to spend with him. I lost a parent and I’m so thankful that the timing (a month after college graduation) meant I was home with him full time. You may regret it if you don’t.

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Whoever laughed at this post—I hope you go to hell. You cannot be saved!

OP - ♥️

likefunny

I’m so sorry. If you can afford it, I would some time off from work and see what memories you can make with your dad (if he is able). Movies together, trip, etc. Work can be all consuming and this is important for you and your well being. To be there for your dad and be with your dad.

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Some people have a family to feed - I won’t begrudge them that. Maybe they need to money to help put toward their dads care. I can’t judge. @Associate 9

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad’s illness. I have not been through anything similar, so I would not presume to give advice. I am a trust & estate planning attorney, and have had clients die, including one with cancer and brain tumor (he was terminal and his family knew it months in advance of his death). While it is terrible, being present with the person and allowing them to spend time with you and say everything that can be said can be a gift.

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I am so sorry.

Some advice I got when I was going through something similar, at least on the work front, is to let folks you're close to at work know that you're going through something and may need some coverage when you're not on your A game. It's hard to ask, but sometimes you need to.

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I'm so sorry. I lost my mom to cancer 6 months ago. I was nervous to tell people at work and ask for time but when I did it was a huge relief and everyone was supportive. My advice is go.. You'll never regret that you didn't bill a few more hours. I went back home to see her often while she was undergoing treatment but I still regret not making it home one more time near the end. Stay strong.

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My dad died from cancer a little over a year ago. Outside of taking as much time as possible, or even working from the hospital/his home, I would recommend the following:
- get pictures together
- get pictures of his hands (my therapist told me that)
- record his voice and conversations
- make a list of any questions you might have

Sorry you’re going through this. Losing a parent as an adult is the most natural thing in the world, but god it feels anything but.
-

likeupliftinghelpful

Ah, I’m so sorry. I’m really glad you and your family have been able to create positive memories and associations with a tragic loss!

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Can you request some time off? Your firm might offer certain flexibility for family matters like this. I recommend talking to HR/Benefits person internally to request some time off or even to switch to reduced hours.

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I’m so sorry for this difficult time. Be easy on yourself. I hope you have a good support system. Please feel free to DM me if you’d like to chat.

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I’m so sorry!! Personally I would even quit if it’s hard to take time off. I only have one dad but there’re more than one firm/job.

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I’m so so sorry. Sending hugs.

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