Enthusiast
Related Posts
Enthusiast
Chief
More Posts
I need 11 likes.
Pro
On a solo date. What to do?
UHY is looking to hire across all positions both audit and tax for our office in Melville, Long Island. We the largest book of business in UHY and have grown significantly over the past few years. There is tremendous opportunity for growth and the office is more than just a job. We regularly have golf outings, wine tastings, bbqs at the partners houses and many other events with our team. Anyone who is interested send me a message and I will set up a time to connect and discuss our opportunities UHY Advisors
Not bad for a Tuesday :)
Nice ending to the week.
Additional Posts in Confession
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a mindset”
Bowl Leader
Dad bod appreciation thread
Chief
Conversation Starter
Enthusiast
Community Builder
Hulu commercial times are getting out of hand
Pro
On a solo date. What to do?
Chief
Chief
Visual Storyteller
Rising Star
Rising Star
best drama stories
Rising Star
New to Fishbowl?
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
First thing: never heard the term “micro-cheating” before. In my book, you have either crossed the line and cheated - or you haven’t. While her actions may have bothered you, what you described I don’t think crosses the line of cheating. Everyone with a libido and a pulse flirts to some extent. And when you say that she talks to ex’s, was she banned(?!) from ever having conversations with these people or were the conversations about something more concerning? I dunno, but being so worked up about harmless flirting (without you providing any more detail) and her merely speaking to ex’s (again, lack of context/detail) sounds more like a “you” problem. Is there something in your shared history that’s driving this worry that you’ve left out of the story?
These seem like minor indiscretions at a very young age that she has apologized for. If you can’t really forgive, you should let her go. She deserves better than having those held over her head forever. You should try to go find this perfectly secure relationship you’re looking for.
Alternatively, you can grow up. Life is long and filled with challenges, change, mistakes, and growth. For the small stuff, it’s much easier if you can accept apologies, and offer forgiveness and acceptance. There will be times when you’re on the other side of the table.
Enthusiast
AMEN to this!!!
Talking to exes is not cheating if you’re not engaging in romantic conversations.
Flirting is disrespectful, but only cheating if there is intention behind it.
As a 👩🏻🦱, I would label you as insecure.
I would label you gf as disrespectful for flirting, but not a cheater.
Pro
Including eating this burger I’m not supposed to be eating? Or watching this movie?
Grow up.
Chief
If you are still hung up on it three years later, you need to move on and break up.
Just start banging chick’s to get back at her
Chief
Good call, coworker
I also vote for revenge
My husband and I both are flirts. With everyone. I still talk to all of my exes (his are psycho but I wouldn’t care of they still talked). Intention and perception make up what’s cheating and what’s not. If you banned your gf from talking to exes, that is a red flag on the relationship.
If you don’t trust your partner either get a new partner or if you wouldn’t trust any partner, work on your trust issues.
I agree, I've been with my wife 20 years. I don't mind when she goes out and flirts a bit and dances with someone else. Fantasy isn't bad.
Enthusiast
Given that it looks like she has made the right changes, you need to find a way to forgive her.
To survive, relationships require forgiveness and trust... And lots of it.
Enthusiast
You're right. However, he has to determine if the past is worth throwing away a future together.
Therapy bro, if you really want to save it.
If you’re constantly a little afraid she’s going to cheat on you, that feeling may never go away.
I’m caught up on the term micro-cheating. I think People can physically cheat and emotionally cheat, so I wouldn’t necessarily down play it. If you can trust her and you both want to work though it, go ahead.
Cheating is cheating, micro, macro, w/e. She cheated. Sorry, OP
Rising Star
To really come to any conclusion for yourself, you need to find out why she was flirting with other guys and texting her exes.
Is she just insecure and needs the attention but would never act on it? Or is she unhappy / growing apart emotionally but too afraid to say it because she cares about you? There are a lot of possibilities there, so it might be worth another conversation.
Once you have that understanding, you can decide whether this relationship is right or not. The good news is, if you’re a guy, meeting new people to date gets easier in your late 20s and early 30s
Also guys are “settled” in terms of money and status - women prefer that generally in their partner.
That plus pressure on women to marry by a certain age.
Enthusiast
A lot of opinions here are projecting based on our own feelings on what is right what is wrong and what our context is with cheating, and also having an anonymous platform to throw things your way. So first off- no one here is going to help you.
Some questions YOU can answer YOURSELF:
Has it been bothering you ever since it happened/ Have you not really forgiven her? (Even though you acknowledge there has been some sort of moving forward.)
If it has been bothering you/you have not forgiven her, then why are you still with her?
Is there anything else in your life that is pulling your attention away from your girlfriend, giving you reason to bring up this issue that was supposedly solved two years ago? Are you looking for a way out?
If you had to choose today to stay or leave which would you do and why? be honest with yourself.
—
Personally, this sounds like something you need to really work out within yourself. The debate of micro cheating or not cheating is not really relevant here because it’s been two years and it was behind you to the point you stayed for yearssss longer. People bounce back from full-fledged affairs and live happily ever after. Some people never bounce back. It depends on the work the two people do or if they make the hard decision to split.
If it were me (woman here) and I was offending my boyfriend with my actions, he brought it up, was very apologetic and respected the new boundary based off of this experience we went through together, and he broke up with me over it two years later without any new instances, I would definitely know some thing else was up. just saying.
I’m a fan of “don’t talk to exes unless you have children with them.”
Nobody is infallible when it comes to relationships commitment. But we can and should be diligent and guard against putting ourselves in positions where you have the ability to cheat. Sounds like she’s at that place, and you can be thankful that it was addressed early. Don’t throw away something good because of insecurity.
Pro
You’re in your twenties. It comes with the territory. Go travel the world and enjoy this stage in your life. You have plenty of time to settle down in your thirties or forties.
Rising Star
Send her my way 👀
Therapy can help you release the grudges you’re holding, improve self confidence and work through triggers. But if you can’t move past negative feelings, it may co tonite to dampen your future together
Rising Star
If you're still hurt about it, end the relationship. You can both do better.
Enthusiast
Get over it. If you don't, it'll drag your relationship down. If you can't get over it, break up.
I understand due to my own situation - boyfriend and I broke up, he slept with a few other people, and then we got back together soon after (breakup was only a few months) - obviously not “cheating” but he lied about it at first since he knew it would upset me/might be a dealbreaker…so I am still partially holding onto that hurt to