Am I wrong to be annoyed? Senior associate has been MIA all week and left the team to cover 4 major briefs/court deadlines on his cases (not mine) that he had not started. At first, he was only texting me saying he wasn’t coming in, which made me the middle person between him and the managing partner. I could tell by his texts he was struggling with something mentally, he was letting his personal life interfere with work, and lashing out. I started a MSJ response cont. in comments

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It sounds like he needs to be, or already is, on his way out. And could use some serious help before he gets back into litigation

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I agree that he needs serious help. I sent him our bar’s free mental health benefits for free counseling.

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I would ignore his messages and let the partner know what’s going on. There may be other deadlines he has missed that the partner needs to know about/know to check on.

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Yep A2 is spot on. Don’t feel guilty or like you’re tattling on him. Giving the partner a factual report of what’s happening is literally just doing your job — and the partner needs to know so they can manage it. Plus you need to CYA plus you should get credit for all the work you’re doing

A MSJ response that is due today, and I have been handling all his other deadlines for cases I don’t work on no questions asked. And I’ve covered for him with the managing partner. All the while he’s been constantly (at least once an hour) asking for updates and questioning our decisions by accusing the partner of micromanaging his cases, which is simply us making sure everything is covered while he is out. He called me yesterday to say there was another deadline he forgot about for something due yesterday and said he needed my help. I said let me know what needs to be done and we will handle it. While explaining the case and assignment, he changed topics and started making comments like, “you’re really cold”, “it would be nice if you could show some compassion or empathy”, and “why are you always so rigid”… I responded that I was sorry that if it did not seem like I was showing empathy or being cold towards him, but that I thought I was being a good coworker and friend by covering everything for him. He then said that my “male-like personality traits”, such as this is great in the legal field, but that I need to learn to be more nurturing. I’m a female. I responded again that I have been covering all of his cases and mine and been listening to his work complaints but that it seems like there is something outside of work going on so I was respecting his privacy and giving him space, and then I said that we need to finish discussing what’s important for today’s deadline so that I could begin and make sure it’s all done. He finally came in this morning for approximately one hour. I got him up to speed on the MSJ response and the other motion that is due today. He leaves and tells the paralegal that he’s overwhelmed and cannot handle any of this. In the 30 minutes he’s been gone, he’s sent the paralegal 10 emails asking for updates and complaining/questioning why the partner and I decided we needed a separate motion for today in addition to the MSJ response.

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Also, you have no obligation to be subject to this kind of abuse because you actually are being VERY compassionate.

I would have went directly to the managing partner and told him everything immediately after the comment about being "nurturing". Why are you covering for this guy? When my child was in the hospital, I was drafting motions for extensions of time so that my deadlines didn't get missed. I get people have personal problems from time to time, but that is not an excuse for abusing colleagues.

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We have been friends for 5 years, and we have been working together for 2 years. I was trying to help as much as I could because we are friends, but my patience is up. He overstepped plenty of boundaries, and I am at the end of my rope with him.

No good deed goes unpunished. You were trying to do a colleague a solid so good on you. But it sounds like this person has pushed it too far. Give your MP a quick heads up you need to discuss the situation when the dust settles and buckle down to put out the fires without responding or engaging with your colleague.

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He’s clearly not in his right mind. That’s normal for you to be annoyed, but don’t take it to heart; it’s him not you. But do tell your partner about this so that you are not overwhelmed with the additional work; if you are comfortable tell him about the abuse too so the firm can find a way to address it.

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