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Hi friends! Is this bowl still alive?
If you’re reading this, go drink some water!
Rising Star
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Rising Star
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Community Builder
Hi friends! Is this bowl still alive?
If you’re reading this, go drink some water!
I represent plaintiffs in child sex abuse and adult sexual assault cases. My therapist started her career working with survivors of sexual abuse and I thought that she would have a better understanding on the toll that type of information on a daily basis can take on a person. However, my therapist before my current therapist had several clients who were also lawyers so I felt like she had a basic understanding of the industry (she just wasn’t a good fit for me personality wise).
It hasn’t really come up much yet. She did mention in passing that when her kids were young she was worried about letting them out of her sight because of what she heard during her sessions with clients. I don’t have kids yet but I’m really concerned I will do the same thing so I’m glad to know someone can empathize with me in that way when the time comes.
I’ve had a few therapists and a few things have helped me find a good match. I really care about being liked by my peers, so when my therapist is around the same age as me - I get caught up in wanting to be their favorite client, which doesn’t really help me have honest sessions. I find that a mid aged female has been the most successful dynamic for me personally. I haven’t had success in feeling comfortable with older men. Religion can also be a big factor.
Honestly, I recommend talking to the front desk about the basic issues you want to cover, they are pretty good at recommending a therapist for you based on that. Good luck!!
I'm by no means an expert on this, but I've gone to about 5 therapists over the years and I think it is hard to predict who will be a good fit for you until you get to know them. The therapist who helped me the most was male, which I didn't expect (I'm female) and had specialties which didn't entirely match up with me on paper, yet he was a nearly ideal fit for me and I still call upon the things I learned from him. (I stopped our sessions for logistical reasons). Even the therapists who were a less than ideal match for me still helped me a lot, so I'd say don't stress too much over finding the perfect fit and just go to *someone.* if it works, great, if not, you can find someone else.
Yes OP, just diving in is the perfect plan. Sometimes I think it helps to come with an idea of what it is you’d like to work on. For example: controlling anxiety, having more work life balance, getting self hate and negative talk under control. This can totally change, but it helps give your therapist something to work with.
I had a therapist once just sit and stare at me until I said the first word and it felt like 15 minutes of silence. It made me feel anxious and from that I learned I need a little more “what’s going on?” Or “how was our week?” To get me warmed up.
I also was expressing something that I was feeling really anxious about, that was itself something very upsetting, and would be to anyone. And my therapist jumped straight to asking me about any childhood trauma - this felt really invalidating to me. She was a younger therapist and I just generally disagreed with her approach. I don’t need to have had childhood trauma to feel upset about an objectively upsetting circumstance.
I’m no therapist professional, but from my experience: Listen to yourself when you feel caught off guard or you’re feeling defensive in your sessions. You should be feeling a bit calmer and have some kind of tiny, doable plan to address your issue when you leave your appointment. Usually you’ll have some type of “homework” to work on or try out. If you feel compelled to lie that you did it, or you find it easier to lie than to address your actual thoughts, then these are all red flags you and your therapist may not be a great fit.
Following for advice. My last therapist had decent advice that I still use, but no idea how to work with young, stressed people in demanding professional service jobs. He eventually fired me as a client because he didn’t think he could effectively help me... I’ve been hunting for a good therapist ever since.
Psychology today is a great resource. It is how I found my last two therapists. There are brief discussions of their styles and techniques too, which is also helpful.
You could try going through your Lawyers & Judges Assistance Program-or whatever your State Bar’s version of that is. Confidential help for attorneys & judges suffering with addiction or mental health issues-referrals to private AA/NA meetings rehab programs just for lawyers & judges & referrals to psychiatrists & therapist who specialize in confidentially treating lawyers & judges & specialize in their unique situations.