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You can do this!! Stay strong!! Don’t give up on almost a full year a progress just because you’re feeling lonely — I know you have got this!!!
Call your sponsor!
First of all, congrats on the sobriety!!
As for how you’re feeling. I get it. I really do. My addiction is food. My “sobriety” was a healthy eating plan and losing quite a bit of weight. However, as soon as a holiday/significant date (birthday/promotion/etc) would roll around, I’d fall off the wagon due to loneliness and not having anyone to share those occasions. And then the weight would go up, I’d feel crappy, and then eat more. It’s a vicious cycle that has to be broken. Only you can do it, but allow others in to encourage you and to talk things out. Once you’re happy and healthy, things will fall into place and you’ll attract happy and healthy partners. If you’re allowing the loneliness to trigger your addiction, then you’re not ready for a relationship and all the stress that comes with one (because no matter how great it is, there is always going to be lows with the highs). I say all of this from first-hand experience.
It sounds like you have people in your life who are there for you so please take them up on their offers! They want to help and see you happy. A drink isn’t going to make you happy, but will just restart the vicious cycle you’ve worked so hard to get out of. There is a song by Lifehouse called “Sick Cycle Carousel” I would encourage you to listen to.
Hang in there and you will get through this!!
Hang out with single friends. There's millions of single people age 30-50.
From someone that went through that, all I can say is that change can happen only if you take action. The sun will shine, just be patient, but don’t stay in that hole, get up and make changes to have a proactive life, meet people, not friends….state your goals and ambitions in life and don’t settle for less, eventually someone will accept it and will admire your honesty.
You’ve already done something where so many others fail. Stay with it. DM some of us/me if you need to talk.
Try not to put that much pressure on yourself. Seems like you making good decisions. Is there not a built-in network within the church to maybe meet someone?
I understand from a friend or two that are now sober that the feeling never entirely goes away. You also have to be careful for substitute bad habits.
I think you realize that you on a good path for the long term.
Don’t give up on your streak now! You stopped drinking for a reason, don’t start again now. It only takes one drink to get you back to your dark hole.
I have a better idea. Order a pizza, eat a 10mg edible, then after the pizza arrives start watching Bojack Horseman on Netflix.
This is the way.
I get wanting to bathe in misery… but there are still sober ways of doing so! Hell, add two smashed burgers on top of that pizza even
Don’t drink. This feeling is temporary and will pass.
I’m a bit younger than you in my late 20’s, but I’ve spent numerous holidays alone without drinking (don’t have an alcohol issue though). It’s really just another day that comes and goes. I’ve had way worse holidays not alone, being abused or grieving deaths. So my perspective about solitude being my choice makes all the difference, and I think it would for you too. It’s your choice to spend time with yourself. I’m sure you will actually discover you’re an awesome person to spend time with, and you don’t even need alcohol to get to know ;)
If you’re really worried about being alone, there are a ton of volunteer opportunities I’m sure you could find. Being alone on Xmas shouldn’t be a source of shame though. We all have our reasons and they are as valid as the reasons people choose to be with others. And I don’t think you’d be a dark cloud if you choose to reach out and spend time with your friends or family.
Stay sober for one more day.
If you're in Texas, I can give you a company over coffee/tea to continue your sober streak.
have a CBD drink (mad tasty) or nootropics drink (hop wtr) instead
Enthusiast
You’re so close to a year. Don’t let the darkness win. I’ve been single several holidays. It’s not warm and fuzzy, but honestly the anxiety of it is worse than the day. Holidays can be whatever you want. If you could design the perfect holiday for yourself…what would it look like? Minus the sober part, I’m with you. Been mostly single my life and not quite yet 40 but quite close.
Community Builder
Play the tape out. We know where the drinking leads, and the temporary relief it *might* bring is definitely not worth the shame and risk.
Dealing with feelings is tough. It’s part of the reason why drinking was such an effective remedy; I didn’t have to feel anything.
The most painful feelings are usually related to rejection, shame, and abandonment. But a feeling is just a feeling, it can’t kill us, even though it sometimes feels that way. Drinking however, can kill us.
It’s ok to feel bad. It’s normal to have good days and bad days. And it’s in the moments when we want to isolate most that we benefit the greatest by reaching out.
Community Builder
I stayed in bed all last weekend. Better to not leave the bed than to pick up a drink.
Listen to a Sobercast on Spotify. The key, during these times, is to get someone else’s voice (a healthy voice) in your head. Your thoughts aren’t helping anything, so get some new ones. Sobercast (or Alan Watts or Joe & Charlie on YouTube) are my favorite options.
Take some healthy action to make yourself feel better, even if it’s a tiny action.
Sometimes life is really fucking hard. Just keep going — getting through 1 hour at a time. Go for a walk. Make yourself a cup of tea or coffee. Put on an audiobook and go to sleep. Keep going!!
Rising Star
Call your sponsor and go to a meeting!
Enthusiast
What’s a sponsor?
Pro
I’m on my early 40s and also alone aside from my dog and only drink occasionally. It’s less than 3 weeks until the new year! Or have some hot chocolate or spiced hot cider if you want a fun drink. Order your favorite take out and a movie marathon. Sometimes you are your own best company!
You don’t have to figure everything out right now, just take it one day at a time. IWNDWYT r/stopdrinking
Here is the link to the bowl I mentioned above.
https://joinfishbowl.com/bowl_gar136difc
Enthusiast
Thanks.
Enthusiast
My father had a promising career as an attorney, but instead succumbed to liver failure, and even ended up on the streets, loosing everything including his teeth.
Take care of your health above all.
I love enjoying the social scene, and do mocktails and caffeinated beverages. It’s great! No hangover.
Enthusiast
no hangovers is amazing… i haven’t thrown up in almost a year nor had a headache!
Chief
It’s my first Christmas and New Years sober too! I noticed alcohol impacted my mental health and physical too. It’s a new chapter, and I’m really looking forward to it. I’m proud I made this change, and I’m proud that I’m working on a better version of myself which will help attract an adequate partner in the future. You should reflect on your effort and be proud too, it’s only UP from here. You got through the most uncomfortable year of your life
Enthusiast
amen 👊🏼🙌🏼
Enthusiast
Believing in you OP! 💪 you GOT THIS!
Get to a year for me!