Caught my boyfriend of 3 years on Tinder (while he was back home visiting) cause a stranger DMed me screenshots of his profile. Turns out he tried asking a girl out several times. He said he did it cause he wanted validation. I don’t know what to do and I can’t stop thinking.

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And where does validation stop and cheating begin? He's a shitmuffin. You deserve better.

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I’ve been on the other end of that (the one on Tinder while in a relationship) it was shitty but it was also a huge sign that i needed to work on myself. My relationship ended up falling apart but i was forced to get a grip of myself.

What I’m saying is that you are not the problem. He needs to sort out his insecurities and you don’t deserve to be caught in the middle of it because it’s not fair to you.

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Sorry you’re dealing with this. He can want validation or a dozen other things. Doesn’t change the fact that he attempted to cheat, and likely put a ton of thought into it beforehand. I know it’s not easy, but consider moving on. I say this as someone who was the bad boyfriend in this scenario, and he’s looking for something different and just can’t admit it to himself.

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Do not waste your time on someone that has to find outside validation. You deserve better.

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Nobody wants to hear this, but it’s a bad sign. And unless you both really want to work on you it together, it’s probably not worth it. Everything after this is going to be built on a foundation of some distrust. Tried it once, and despite loving the person, could never get over that and had to call it months later.

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Ugh. Let him go get his validation while you get the hell outta that relationship. It’s hard to say goodbye after 3 years, but it will be harder after 5 or 7 or 10 when you see where this need for “validation” takes him. Dig deep and get out. Good luck!!

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Yes, listen to everyone and move on. I was in a relationship like that and there was always an excuse or lie every time I caught him doing something. It’s only wasting your time. And time is valuable. It’s something you can never get back.

Thank you all for the advice and being so kind, it’s not anything I haven’t tried to rationalize but, I guess I just really needed to hear it from someone else. Trying so hard to compartmentalize and get through the work week.

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It’s difficult, but you’ll get through this.

(And if it helps to vent to a stranger, I’m here for you!)

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In order to get you back he would have to do some thing huge to show you what a big mistake that was. He doesn’t just get you back after this. He hast to leave and beg for you back.

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So sorry to hear this. Why didn’t they go out in the end, do you know? Did she refuse? I might be more willing to buy the ‘validation’ excuse if he didn’t try and take anything offline into the real world. (This isn’t to say it still wouldn’t be bad. Just maybe... slightly less hurtful)

She refused after she found out about me, I have absolutely nothing against her and grateful that she and her friend let me know. I thought so too, it’s just a slippery slope of so called “validation”..

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Sorry you’re going through this. Validation or not ... he disrespected you and your relationship. You deserve better.

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