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Focus on what you have control over - effort, attitude, accept criticism and acknowledge improvement areas. All the other stuff you are worrying about generally either takes care of itself or fades away
Hope you can take a week off soon to relax and enjoy some nice weather outside
Talk to your coach. Tell them your goals for your career, ask them what matters, and focus on that. (Hint: utilization matters, but less than most people think. Attitude, communication with supervisors, ability to accept coaching are all more important )
Too much stress will hurt your health, prevent you from sleeping, and kill your performance. That is way worse than being a little low in utilization.
But if your utilization is more than a “little low”, that is also something to ask your coach about .