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Screws up most marriages for sure.
33 m here- it's definitely a bit tricky. What I find most difficult is the lack of consistency, as far as time home. When I'm traveling, we both get into a routine, when on the bench, it's a different routine. The transition period is tough.
Married for a year, screwed up my first six months of marriage for sure. Been traveling for 3 years non-stop, wife found it really difficult to handle everything alone while I was gone and she was new to the US. It was a total mess and the management wasn't v supportive either. Had a tough time balancing things. Hope things get better soon
How we make it "work". 1) outsource everything - cleaning lady, lawn care, meal delivery, etc. 2) create some sort of routine you can keep even when away ( I call every night at 8pm) when I'm away 3) check in regularly (every 4 months or so) and confirm that this career / lifestyle is still what you both want and if not.. be prepared to leave. My husband supports me or I couldn't do it 4) create your non- negotiables - for me I go to every mommy and me event at pre-k 5) Jedi mind trick yourself - it's not as bad as.... a deployment, having to work 3 jobs to pay bills ... etc etc I like to give myself a reality check and remind myself I'm lucky to have this job at all
Female here. Married 10 years. It was fine before kids but after that it definitely had a rocky period before we were able to work through the work/family thing. Both had to compromise on what we wanted but are in a good place now.
My consulting friends, female, have all left the profession or gone internal with no travel to have kids
Mine has been great - keeps things exciting when I'm home and we seem to make the most of our time since we know I'll be away 27/m/HTX
Female- 8 years married- was fine before kids. Got incrementally more rocky after each child. Lots of hard work required to keep things afloat.
For some encouragement- my non consulting friends have the same issues... consulting just magnifies it. Anyone who says marriage is a cake walk hasn't been in the game for very long or is lying.
D1 , PwC 1 - you sort of hit the nail on the head. Things were great before kids. But 15 months later, I find myself spending more time in the office and not wanting to come home.
Kids & consulting is the hardest part, agreed here
@Ow1. I make 2.5x what my husband does yet I was doing more work at home and while I was local for a while it wouldn't last forever. He always had an attitude when I had to work late or go on a trip. I told him I would give up travel knowing it would impact my career if it meant we could be happy again. Ultimately he changed his attitude and committed to picking up more at home. I don't travel full time as I am a SM and have some local clients. We have an au pair which also makes a huge difference.
Most studies show that happiness initially drops after having kids, but then goes higher than the pre-kids period in the long run.
Yes
It was the final straw that ended my marriage but I have no regrets. It was a matter of time until it ended, regardless of my job
Just had my first kid (28/f), interested to hear more on how you got through the rough patches or how you made consulting and kids "work" in your marriage.
Everyone here is right, its not easy. Mix in kids (especially newborns that require a lot more time and attention) and making it work becomes impossible unless you can afford to have a live-in nanny or family members to help out. My personal observation (including my own case) on the effect of consulting on marriage is that it makes it challenging but still not comparable to some of the other obstacles you will face later in life. Honesty and open, frequent communication with your loved ones is the key. Also, if your partner also has a difficult career such as IB or corp law, then it makes it exponentially more difficult.
For those that are saying marriage was great before kids.... that is true no matter what profession you are in. I had kids long before joining consulting. Two income, regular home every night jobs, and kids where a huge drain on the marriage. Happiness research is all over the place but the one thing that it kind of agrees on is that kids just make people less happy.
Consulting actually helped our marriage because we moved from two incomes to one. I am also much more focused on the kids and wife when I am home. Also our kids are getting older and less needy.