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Just say you don’t have the capacity right now to do it and politely decline.
Politely decline. It sounds like, even though you support your brothers relationship, you are not fond of his fiance and probably will not be a "cheerleader" for her throughout the wedding planning process/on the wedding day. Which is totally fine. But maybe not a great idea to be her bridesmaid.
Offer to do something else at/for the wedding. Maybe you could do a reading, help with the guest book, etc.
Great ideas. I did (with my sisters and mother) throw her a wedding shower.
Use your own wedding as the excuse.
Continued…
(completely randomly, not instigated, I swear) and posts on social media what I feel like are targeted jokes; it comes across as bullying. It makes me sad that my brother turns a blind eye.
How can I politely decline the bridesmaid invitation? I am about to plan my own wedding and will not be including her in my bridesmaid lineup.
Why not have a conversation to see if the offending behavior can stop, forgiveness obtained, and an agreement to refrain from such behavior in the future. You might not know the whole story and risk making a judgment without knowing all the facts. Talk to your brother about it.
Yes, it’s in May. And it comes in waves despite past conversations.
Thanks all for your perspectives. I have had conversations with both her and my brother. She has apologized for a recently offending instigation, but the overall issue seems to be a lost cause.
To add another layer, I’m receiving pressure from our mother to not decline, as she fears it will push my brother away further (he’s already distanced himself as his relationship has progressed).
A lot to consider.
That’s a different layer for sure. I would agree with your mother here. Pretend for one day and Maintain that relationship with your brother for the long term (he’s going to be under a lot of pressure here). Don’t give your brother’s fiancé another grievance to add to the list she’s laying out for your brother.
Pro
Sorry- why can’t you fake it? Is it really worth this hoopla to defend your views when this is your brother? I may be the only one here but you seem to be making this a lot about you. My guess is your brother wanted you in his wedding, it’s easier in the long run to go along with this IMO. Decline a bach party but not standing up in their wedding will have more deeply rooted issues in the future
Agree with A2, getting married soon and adding my brothers sister to the wedding party, not because I am close to her but because of him. I want his family to feel included as well and it’s weird to have girls as groomsmen so that’s the best way to get them involved