How do you deal with panic attacks and anxiety at work? This is an area I need improvement on.

When I mess up, I get frustrated, then tell my coworkers how I’m an awful manager, and add zero value to PwC. I need to work on dealing with this in a healthier way, and would appreciate any feedback.

I do have autism, and struggle reading people and the room.

I relate to this. I developed an anxiety disorder during my time at PwC. Talk to therapists and get help - they can teach how to manage your symptoms, and if they're severe, they may suggest a pharmaceutical approach. I feel much better now, and my advice is not to internalize all the criticism you receive; not all of it is grounded. There are places where you will find peace and make more sense. So, keep searching for your right place, whether within or outside the firm.

First off find a good therapist to help you through this. Second, as a manager you never tell anyone that you’re an awful manager. You have people that work under you and nothing loses more respect than a person who doesn’t respect themselves or their abilities. You probably have more going for you than you realize but telling coworkers and subordinates is never good.

Fund a therapist that you like to help you to develop coping tools that you can use everyday to help reduce this behavior

Bourbon

Corporate world is not designed for neurodivergent brains. Inefficiencies, inequity, and mandated social scripting are very challenging for a neurodivergent person who craves justice and rationalism. Do not beat yourself up about things you cannot change.

Learn about your triggers for dysregulation. This is the most important point— you need to recognize when a meltdown is coming so you can get yourself to a safe place to come down. Join autistic lead support groups to find community and learn about how other people whose brains run on the ND operating system have helped themselves. Research vagal maneuvers and other calming methods.

Never quit on a bad day!

If you stay long enough in Big 4 you will encounter many unbelievable situations that seem insane. Things happening all the time that seem like it could not possibly have happened the way it did. It’s enough to make you think you are losing it. You are not.

You are a normal rational kind human being who is working in an industry and at a high level where bizarre things happen all the time. It helps to realize that you are not crazy, it’s the situations you encounter that are crazy.

You have to get away from it periodically and focus on the things that matter. No one wishes at the end of their career that they spent more time at the office. If you cannot detach yourself from feeling like you are losing it there are other jobs that are less stressful.

Something else that helps is to have a purpose - what good are you doing with all the money we make in Big 4. I developed a goal to give away $X over the course of my career directly to people in need - like a family with 6 kids and no money for Christmas presents. $X was a very big number but it motivated me.

Now you have a purpose for what you are doing and can start focusing on accomplishing that purpose vs making it all about you and worrying about screwing up.

Meditate

Try to recognize when you need to take a step away. When we used to be in the office all the time and something really stressful would happen, if I could, I just grabbed my purse and walked across town to Starbucks. By the time I walked and breathed fresh air, and got a good coffee, I was always able to think better when I got back. It was 20 minutes well-spent. As a rule of thumb, I try to never let my team see me upset...frustrated, sure, but not upset. They look up to me, and I need them to see from me that things are going to be okay. If I really have a problem, I schedule a time to discuss with my bosses after I've cooled down.

Hey OP,

Boy, can I relate.

Great advice on not saying anything in front of the staff. They need to see a manager who makes mistakes, and survives. You are responsible for developing them, and they will make mistakes. They need to know they will not get fired for a mistake.

Second, get NO MORE MR NICE GUY. It’s an easy read. Even if you are a woman, get the book and read it.

Talk to a therapist. Your EAP probably has a list, and they can help. Get someone who knows about EMDR . This reaction is probably related to childhood trauma. For some reason, you feel unsafe and worthless on mistakes, and I bet you had a perfectionist parent who you felt only loved you when you were perfect, or an emotionally unstable parent, and you felt you must be perfect or you would be punished or unsafe.

BALANCE is a great app for meditation

Smoke. Prayer.

First, don’t denigrate yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, even at pwc. You will learn more from mistakes in life. Second it’s amazing to hear you have been successful with ASD. My son (10) was recently diagnosed and has the anxiety and inflexibility with it. You should consider not only just where you are but how far you have come. Third, you should find a great therapist to help you, one who helps with ASD. We have bounced around for my son and I can see a difference with our new one, who specializes in ASD. Flexibility and growth mindset it what we focus on for my son. I’d love to hear what’s worked for you in the past as well.

Take a walk to bring yourself back from the situation that brings your anxiety. Tell yourself you are doing your best. Humans are allowed to make mistakes. There are podcasts and self help books and videos in managing anxiety before it owns you.

Download a few meditation apps with breathing meditations or exercises. When you feel your anxiety starts creeping in, just stop for 5 minutes and do a breathing exercise. You will see a dramatic shift in your anxiety levels and you will teach your body that this threat is not real and the body doesn’t need to produce fight or flight response.
Another useful tool is the adoptagenic herbs like ashwagandha, holy basil, rhodiola or astragulus. They gently calm your nervous system and help to reduce cortisol and adrenaline. Do the research on interactions with any drugs.
And lastly, to get to the root of the your anxiety and self-doubt, try therapy sessions or support groups.
I hope you will find a solution that works for you🙏

I have a lot of anxiety as well. I make sure to take a lunch break and sit outside (weather permitting) for 30ish minutes. My brain needs to decompress in the middle of the day. I do this again in the evening. During my decompress time, I usually just sit there and try to enjoy it, try to not have technology, etc. it helps me reset.

Therapist, and learn how to build a self protective shield. Do not talk down on yourself in front of others. It’s normal to mess up, everyone does. Remember this is a job that pays the bills, if it doesn’t work at PWC or anywhere, it will somewhere else. Losing a job it’s not the end of world. Losing your mind it’s not good.

You are in the wrong profession for your personal situation, and if you stay it will destroy you. Move to employment with a non-public entity.

Learn what your triggers are. A therapist helped me to identify mine. If there's a conversation going on around you with a topic that is a trigger for you...remove yourself from the situation or tell them that you are not comfortable with the topic. I have an issue with graphic discussions regarding medical procedures etc. Some people just want to give TMI.

For the anxiety attacks I hear that sour patch kids the candy work - seriously it has something to do with the sour disrupting the senses that are triggered.

As for the messing up - a few things. First is to give yourself grace and recognize that even Warren Buffet has messed up. Or if you are Christian, even Jesus messed up. There is no such thing as a perfect person.

Work with whomever to change your mindset about messing up. That’s when you learn, not when things go perfectly and become rote. Messing up is an opportunity to grow, make improvement, and stretch yourself.

Think about the last thing that you did that was easy (take a shower, get dressed). Did you learn anything? I bet not. Then think about the last thing you did that went south & why/where it went south. What did you learn NOT to do. Now compare the two.

You might have a business resource group at your firm - we have a disability BRG with peer groups that meet monthly or more for chats about things like this.

That voice telling you you're awful and add zero value is your brain lying to you. We are generally our own biggest blind spot. You need someone who will give you honest feedback on how you're doing.