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Hi Fishes, Can Anyone please tell, one of my friend joined Tech M in August, At the time of joining she was 3 months pregnant and now shes worrying about her manager. She wants to inform them about her pregnancy; is it right time to inform? Or she needs to wait for 6 more months for that to inform? Anyone please clearify.. HCL Technologies Newco Tata Consultancy Accenture Deloitte
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Hi Fishes, Y.O.E 7.5+ years. Tata Consultancy TCS is offering 25LPA including variable pay and everything. So just 15% increment on my current salary since they mentioned I am leaving my current organization within 1 year.
They mentioned 8-12% is VP plus 80k from that salary is paid at the end of each year. Is it a good enough salary for 7.5+ yoe candidate. Also any heads up for the things I should look out for will be really helpful.
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My advice? Stop reading and planning. Spend your time in the moment and enjoy what is in front of you right now. No book or advice will prepare you for what is coming. Caring enough to want to be the best dad you can be is enough.
As a parent of 2 under 2, I disagree with this. Sure don’t go down a rabbit hole spending every waking hour reading the far corners of the web on parenting, but being prepared for the main challenges of parenthood is something you should do.
Like most everything in life, the more prepared you are the more confidence you will have tackling it head on. Topics like sleep habits, breastfeeding vs formula, how you’ll split duties between mom and dad during first few months, etc are all convos that we had early on to avoid trying to make decisions when we are dealing with a crying baby, no sleep, and stressed out.
Sure agreed you’ll figure it out, but a little preplanning will reduce the amount of decision making you’ll have to think through after your kid is born.
There are a few good book and website recommendations in the conments that should more than prepare you for your new kid.
Remember that everything (both good and bad) is temporary. Take it all in stride and do your best to soak up all the wonderful moments.
Lots of great books already recommended. I liked The Expectant Father (to understand your wife's pregnancy and "prepare") and the corresponding The New Father for year 1.
Be sure to take time for you and your relationship too. If you have family or support, don't hesitate to ask them to give you a night off to have some time with your SO. You are a team and need to work as one.
Open and fully fund a 529 as soon as you can. Way "cheaper" to pay 70k (for state school) now and let it grow than dribble in 200k over the next 18 years.
Here's my two cents as a father of four:
No baby needs a wipe warmer. Believe they'll get used to room temperature wipes real fast. And what are you going to do when you go somewhere, bring it with you?
Just because it's expensive doesn't make it better. A $100 Graco car seat will protect your baby as well as an $800 one. One of my best buys was a $50 umbrella stroller that flattened out for an infant and we could throw it in the car and take it anywhere.
Babies do not need Timberland boots or Nike sneakers. They don't need any footwear until they start to walk, so save yourself the money on something that will be worn twice before they outgrow it.
You'll go through lots of clothes. Walmart, Target, Children's Place and Carter's all make good clothes without breaking the bank.
Costco or BJ'S will be your friend. We bought wipes, diapers and even formula there and its a lot cheaper.
One thing I'm glad I splurged on was my nice leather recliner. It was nice being able to just recline back and fall asleep with the baby on my chest after feeding and changing them.
Pack and plays are essential travel items. Great to put the baby in for naps or play time when visiting.
The best diaper bag I ever had was a plain old Eastland backpack. I just packed everything I needed in Ziploc bags. I could then wear the backpack and have two hands free to take care of the baby.
Be sure to take any and all paternity leave available to you. They will survive without you.
Congratulations! Just remember you will be fine.
Thanks for this post - lots of great points, just want to add...
Falling asleep on a recliner with baby in your arms presents a significant SIDS risk. I know it happens when tired, but when considering the downside it's worth the extra effort to use the bassinet/crib.
Financials to consider
529
Roth IRA (custodial)
UTMA/UGMA
dependent HSA
On #3 and #4, my best advice to you is to take all “advice with a grain of salt” :). Everyone’s parenthood experience is different. I was in the same boat as you when I had my son (three years ago), and my journey as a new dad was totally different than the advice I got
Just enjoy the ride! You will do just fine. Just be there for your partner and enjoy the time you get with your new born (they grow up very fast)
Congrats! Read “Cribsheet” by Emily Oster. By one count there are 1,750 difficult decisions you make it the first year of a child’s life. This is truly mentally exhausting for people like us who want to optimize everything. Cribsheet largely debunks the myths around the idea of any one “best” way to do things…which lets you relax and enjoy the ride a bit more.
Came here to recommend this book!
Lookup daddy boot camps in your area and sign up for a class. Typically they are affiliated with a local hospital
You will soon be getting lots of advice, solicited or not.
I would recommend seeking some out from people you know and respect. In general people like talking about this and most will start with some version of ‘well, we are pretty much making it up as we go along.’
We are 14 years into the journey, and each kid has been different across our three. And I still remember specific advice I got. Most of it in retrospect was form of coping advice, which is a lot of what parenting is (especially newborns).
The advice I didn’t get enough of and in retrospect could have used was 1) marriage advice and 2) expectation setting advice. Your world is about to radically change as is your relationship with you partner. I was almost completely unprepared for that. And the sleep training books and boot camps don’t focus on that.
But it is worth it. They are cute and amazing, and just keep getting more amazing. (Also they are a giant pain in the ass)
Every parent knows exactly what you mean by that last line. So true. 😂
Honestly - it wasn’t as stressful as I thought it’d be - on our second child now. Get help from your parents, outsource activities where possible, and don’t listen to the multitude of advice random people give you. Do what you feel right. Babies are more resilient than we expect. I found the website whattoexpect.com helpful though fwiw
Yeah - two under two is not a blast, but love the kids!
1. Take a deep breath
2. Be there and be patient with your wife as you both go thru this new journey
3. Save, save, save
4. Spend quality time with your family
5. Patience
6. Patience
7. Patience
8. Patience
9. Patience
10. Patience
Babywise for schedule, timeline of milestones, & getting the kid to sleep
Honestly, trail by fire.
No book will prepare you.
Have ZERO expectations!
Took your YOU time.
Price out a Ferrari (like a $300k one) on a 6 year note - be prepared to pay around that per mont all in for 1-3 years minimum
One of the best books that I highly recommend. Over 3 dozen recommendations and 90%+ success rate
The Baby Sleep Solution: A Proven Program to Teach Your Baby to Sleep Twelve Hours a Night https://a.co/d/fUBBinE
Haha. You'd do great. I'd just add to focus on learning how to be the best pregnancy and delivery partner first off before anything else. There are numerous YouTube videos that explain the different steps and stages and how you can be helpful. Enjoy the journey and good luck!
First of all congrats! 31M here also and our first was just delivered last month… I would highly highly recommend “Taking Cara Babies” the course has been so helpful for us.
https://instagram.com/takingcarababies?igshid=YWJhMjlhZTc=
My other piece of advice would be to try to focus on physical fitness as much as you can until the baby is born. I wish I would have prioritized this more leading up to the birth of my child. Run far, lift heavy weights, etc.
Good luck!
There are a bunch of books out there (expecting better, moms on call, selfish reasons to have more kids, the happiest baby on the block) but there’s no right answer. Read some summaries and decide which ones resonate with you and your spouse. This especially applies for sleep training - getting your kid to sleep through the night makes things a lot easier but it can often take a lot of work. There are lots of “right” approaches, you just need to find what’s right for you.
My experience: people talk more about the negatives than the positives, so I was pleasantly surprised when kids turned out to be a ton of fun and love and not as much of a life and resource suck.
Moms on call was like a checklist and step by step guide, pretty helpful
Wonder weeks is fantastic and what exciting news
Second daddy boot camp and the focus on sleep. The fact that it sounds like you’re early on and you care so much is already great. Lots of good suggestions here already so I’ll make a plug for this. Find time for you and your SO to have time (a trip, staycation, etc.) that’s just for you before the baby comes
I liked ‘Bringing up Bebe’. My wife liked Cribsheet and expecting Better both by Emily Oyster and. She had me read some parts of those. We also took a weekend class which was helpful to learn about pregnancy and the newborn. Your life will drastically change and I feel like it’s hard to get a sense of that until your in the thick of it