What activities have you found helpful to do to get used to the new normal post break up?My almost 5 year relationship came to an end last night. I saw it coming but I tried so hard to be patient and go with the flow until I couldn’t.

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Actively reaching out to your friends, and different groups of friends that you may have neglected the relationship with a bit. It’s good to put yourself back in that space.

Also, I was the same as you in terms of being patient and going with the flow. If it’s really over, I would not talk to the person or see them at all, to the best of your ability. I wasn’t able to do that and feel like that was the one thing I’d change about the ending. It felt like it ended 3-4 different times afterwards

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Agreed, no one wants to be with someone who is unsure of them after a long period of time

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Reconnecting with old friends, long walks, therapy, gym, giving yourself time to feel sad/mad/anything, making plans solo or with others that you can look forward to, reading, decluttering your space and donating what you don’t need, volunteering

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Thanks a lot EP1, these are meaningful suggestions

Exercise. Helps clear your head and gets some happy endorphins flowing. Also changing up your environment as much as you can

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Thank you. Signed up for more classes this week.

take time to mourn for a few days or weeks. if you feel like crying let yourself cry

talk to friends, try to stay busy, find new hobbies or activities to fill up your time

helpful

Thank you. I’m really dreading the mourning.

Wow 5 years, would you mind sharing what the final straw was? Did you consider breaking it off earlier? I wish you well either way and a speedy recovery.

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Thank you for the well wishes. Final straw was 2 weeks ago when I asked him about our relationship plans and he said he doesn’t know and is ‘leaving it to the universe’. Mind you this is someone in his late 40’s (I am 31). I did consider breaking it off earlier multiple times, it was evident that he did not see me in his long term and probably had another life going on. We were LDR (East/West Coast) and we didn’t have a tentative ‘end-date’ to the LDR, he seemed very comfortable with things as they were. He used to say the distance is what keeps our relationship on fire because we get to miss each other but wheew, it was really getting to me especially this year. Also he never disclosed that he was married and separated until way later in the relationship (also extremely defensive about it) which makes me believe he might not even have been separated. I ask myself now how on earth I tolerated all those red flags and be too naive. I will never do it again. This was my hardest relationship lesson.

I had a gratitude journal i forced myself to write in every morning vs checking my phone first thing.

Therapy. Helps so much to have that weekly self time purely for you

As others said, working out.

I also love writing so i would try and write something every day after the breakup to help process all the things. Would research journal prompts for breakups or grieving too. I found this helpful.

Planning solo dates every other week. A new restaurant or winery to try. A museum to peruse. A book store to explore. A park to sit in. Just plan something for you and you alone and do it more than you don’t.

As others said, try and make plans with friends and continue to branch out and connect with others. Community is good for the soul.

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