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I JUST experienced this lol. Whatever let them have their pettyness. Not your problem anymore.
Open on: Boss comes back from vacation from Paris.
ME: Hi! Welcome back! How was Paris?
Boss (apathetic/annoyed): I mean it was Paris, you know? Paris is Paris.
Boss brushes past me.
Me: Oh ok.
White Male Copywriter rounds corner sees my boss.
White Male CW (to boss): Hey! Welcome back! How was Paris?
BOSS: Hey Mark!! It was gorgeous - the birds were singing, the light was beautiful, my wife and I had such a great time, and you wouldn’t believe the....
They round the corner chattering about travel and Paris together.
Close on me, a WOC, looking at them buddy-buddy, wondering what I did wrong.
Racism and misogyny, nepotism and favoritism are very real.
It’s not in your head. The more people tell you it is, the more they are gaslighting you.
I produced, I was a strong writer. I was eager. I was kind. I was just well... (what do you think?)
Thanks - it’s accurate Bc I only write the truth - maybe one day I’ll write these lovely memoirs down - dark comedy. Also Bc none of my non advertising friends never believe my stories.
It’s a reminder that you clearly made the right decision.
Perfect response!
Because he/she is a bad boss, that’s why
Sadly true!
Because you're a traitor... in his/her eyes. Or maybe because he/she is jealous that you escaped and not them.
Because as much as people talk about the agency being a family, it’s not. It’s a business and your boss cares more about his/her real family than you. Once you’re gone, you don’t count.
It’s business. Don’t take it personally. Just be pleasant and try to empathize with the situation you’re putting your boss in. You are history now. Some people can feet quite betrayed by someone they’ve invested time and energy in and they certainly don’t have time to chat it up with you. But if you were good they might show up for a drink to see you off...
That’s a good way to see it, EP! Empathy always!
No matter the circumstances a manager should stay professional that’s why she/he is a manager.They should know how to handle a departure. Unfortunately not everyone understands that it’s business. Trust me if they wanted to get rid of you they wouldn’t think about it twice. Stay professional ‘til the end and move on. The attitude is not about you. I hope this forum helps you not taking personally. I spent so much time worrying about other people feelings towards me not worth it. Your next chapter is awaiting
Thank you, MS. This kind of posts help a lot :)
I can relate to rhe manager a bit. I have some baggage around abandonment, so when people indicate they will be leaving, my default is to distance myself or ruin the relationship so it feels like they left on my terms. It is an uphill battle involving many years of therapy to fight that impulse. And it's a battle I don't always win. Though I've tried to be good about my direct reports in the past.
If someone is being rude and you didnt merit it, it's probably not about you.
SP1, I totally get it. Trust me, I know there is a “root” to a certain behavior and in my case I know my boss has had several people leaving in the past. It’s her management style that isn’t helping, and i don’t think it’ll get any better. The good thing is that you are AT LEAST trying to work on it and are self aware of what’s going on within you. Not everyone is doing that, so keep it up and know that the only person that can help you is YOU and any improvement will positively impact your team for sure!
They also could be stressed out about what they’ll do when you’re gone and their additional work, and venting it poorly.
They are probably just frustrated that you’re leaving and it creates more work for them and they have to find your replacement. Give it some time. If you had a good relationship while employed there then you can always reach out to them down the road to have them be a reference. Don’t worry so much about how they are reacting to you leaving, you should focus on wherever you’re going to next and what you want to achieve there!
So dumb. No idea why a manager would act like that. Build long term trust with your direct reports and feel happy for their career growth. If you were a good manager, maybe they’ll come back. I’m working for my old boss for a third time. Always positive exits from both sides and the reason I’ve gone back to working for her. My new direct report is also someone I resigned from and they ended up working for me again. People need to grow, agencies change, the landscapes change. I bet OP won’t ever go work for this boss again, which is their loss. Grow your people, treat them with respect, and in the end your network is that much wider and positive ten years later. Big picture
How about some context? If the account is high turn over and you were there six months before leaving the answer is different than if this person was your mentor and you’re leaving after six years.
That person is not prepared to be in a leadership position. It can suck to have staff leave for many reasons but you are a human first and, as a people manager, should be proud of and happy for your people when they have a good opportunity. Even if they employee leaves you in a hole you should still show respect on the way out the door. Past employees often end up in positions to refer business, employees or even bring you in as their boss wherever they go. Burnt bridges never serve you well.
If you leave the agency, no one is obligated to stay in touch with you. Too harsh?
I don’t ever recall someone leaving on good terms because most of the time the person leaving throws down competitive offers, or they wanted more money even if they don’t deserve it, or they hated working with the team as much as the rest of the team hated working with them. But if you are leaving on good terms, there’s no reason for your manager to be petty. I’d try to empathize with them because it IS selfish to do you and move on. It’s totally okay to take care of you, but until you’ve lost count of how many people you’ve put the time in to develop and leave, you shouldn’t take it so personal.
Indifference is different from being disrespectful. Being disrespectful is never cool, no matter the situation. But when you manage people, especially if you have many people under you, you naturally focus your attention to the people who still there working for you. It’s not pettiness. It’s management. You just became your boss’ last priority.
ECD, what are you doing to make sure your direct reports are not being disrespectful?
So let me get this straight. You break up with them, but still want it to be sunshine and ponies? They invested time, training, their budget, and likely a good bit of themselves in you. It’s selfish and naive to want it to be just another Wednesday when you created a long list of headaches for them professionally, Your decision was all about you. Just like this post.
And vice versa. Step it up a bit ecd 2.
It’s stressful when people leave and it’s easy to take it personally when you’ve invested in someone.
I had a boss literally sit there and smile at me while I told her and all I could think was you’re such a robot. Then she told me she wished me nothing but the best. Also we hated each other so this was very peculiar.
Just went through the same thing. As someone else said, it only solidifies why you’re leaving in the first place