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I believe in the direct approach. “I don’t like the way you are speaking to me. It’s unprofessional and unproductive. Let’s talk about an approach to communication that will work for the both of us so we can stay in the solution “ . When I’ve told someone I don’t like the way they are speaking to me it def gets there attention. Best of luck.
I wish I had some constructive feedback for you. I had similar experience not too long ago. I know dealing with an insecure narcissist can keep you up at night. In my case, I choose to ignore the rudeness and just kept doing a great job. Remind yourself, it’s him/her not you.
Still good feedback as a reminder to myself. Bossy Narcissists, and lob on a uninformed element, mix it all up, and you have one hell of a cocktail.
I would speak directly but would not say you don’t like the way she’s speaking to you... that’ll only start an argument.
I’d suggest asking her how she’d like to work together bc it seems like you guys have different styles. Given you’re a producer you can take the angle of being there to support her etx but need to hear more from her about being a team.
It’ll likely be a tad contentious based on what you’ve said so I’d be prepared to address the communication not being productive.
Use this convo as a first step ... if she keeps doing it then address her straight on. You did your best.
Good luck. Never a pleasant situation
It’s really appalling to me how many people still continue to think being awful or rude to colleagues is acceptable. And I’m personally pissed at her for you bc a woman doing this only perpetuates stereotypes. Ugh. Sending you good vibes. It’s awful to work with people like this.
Yah, you could be dealing with a personality disorder of some kind, or without physc101 at least a high conflict personality. Start with figuring out your personal boundaries, and ways to communicate them in an adult-to-adult fashion, vs Parent scolding a Child (youre the parent in this scenario), or a Child reacting to an overbearing Parent figure (youre the child in this situation). I have delt with someone like this, i actually addressed her head on the first week i started when i was appalled when she berated her direct report with expletives for not having the password to a system - absurd. Eventually she got exiled and voted off the island bc enough people complained to the president...
Recent incident was the third time. Thinking of changing my approach and just note taking, and keeping things short. If that doesn’t work, I do know her partner from previous work and I could speak with her about if I’m going about working together the wrong way. OR I can speak with the person directly (non confrontational or try to be). Looking for any thoughts. Thanks in advance!!
Speak with her first directly, tell her how it’s affecting you / your work. Ask how you can best help her (put it back on them). If it doesn’t work, escalate. There’s no reason you should be spoken to condescendingly, it’s only going to get worse every time you do something she perceives as “wrong”
Thanks! I’ve dealt with conflict resolution in the past and took a direct approach. Given the certain personality at hand I wasn’t sure if it would be the best route.
For instance, as I’m speaking to their partner about feedback and the current work. Said person waves their hands (as if DJ’ing) and cuts the conversation short to assert their busy schedule and that they need to get their feedback.
There’s other instances on production calls where said person jumps to conclusions contradicting me - turns out vendor repeated my question and asked said person for what I was trying to get.
Maybe it’s me and I’m overthinking? I don’t want to give too much away in detail here.
Pull them aside