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Did we upset you Mr. Defendant?
Additional Posts in Depression/Anxiety Talk
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Treat yourself kindly. ❤️
How does one take a MH day off? The stigma?
Chief
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How old are you? Only reason I ask is because this is something I struggled with from 17-23, and several therapists told me it was normal for a few different age ranges, especially for intensely analytical individuals.
Learning DBT from age 22-23 (and practicing it thereafter) really helped me. Maybe not necessarily come to terms with it, but it’s not a agonizingly paralyzing thought process for me anymore.
Please consider some therapy as the detachment you describe ( which is an appropriate response for you) is harmful for your baby. I say this as someone whose mother was detached as she was afraid I was going to die. ( I was quite ill as a child do she was always ready to lose me)
I’m not sure what your religious views are but I believe in Jesus and pray during anxious times or read verses in scripture. I recently became an actuary which required I pass a series of five statistics tests, each of which have about a 40% pass rate, all while working a full time job. To prepare I had to study for each exam for about five months to get through the 1,500 page study manuals. And then the culmination of five months of study came down to a 3 hour exam which was to be graded on a curve with a 40% pass rate... let’s just say the anxiety was enormous especially in those weeks leading up to test day. All that to say, over and over again I found great comfort at times when I would take a step back from the anxiety and lift up a prayer to God. Often (not always) I was immediately overcome with peace. A common prayer of mine was “God, I am weak on my own, but together with you by my side, I am strong!” I encourage you to keep up the fight.
John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?”
Sounds like textbook anxiety - feeling “apart from” others, leading to feelings of either despair and isolation. Pro tip: see a therapist and talk about exactly what you’re thinking. You’re worth it
It helps to think of energy as permanent where matter can’t be destroyed—just shift states. No one who dies is going anywhere. The water and carbon that made them is everywhere even after “they” are gone. It helps to live your life detached from everything emotionally. It’s the fundamental teaching of most religions. The nature of life is to die and cycle back through different states.
It’s surprising, however. Most w depression are welcoming and glorifying of death yet you’re running from an inevitability. DBT is a great tool for you as C1 said, but also learn to shift your thinking. On a DBT level you’re having a strong, urgency around this idea of death. You don’t want to be on the extreme opposite which is cavalier about death, but you want to know that death is painful for many AND also inevitable AND we live fully even though that’s the case. Your dialectic needs to form around some item being both A and B.
No - read Buddhist or Hindu texts
This started for me at 15 and I’ve never been able to find much help from religions. Oddly enough, these two Mark Twain quotes help me move on.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
I try to consciously think about them each night and ask if I had a fulfilled day.
@C1 - I’m 28. I’ve lost friends/family in the past, but after having my baby son a couple years ago, having to face the reality that I’ll lose him someday compounded my anxiety to the point where I constantly question the point of developing close relationships with my loved ones. I’ve distanced myself from my parents solely because I think I’ll be too devastated to deal with losing them, so it’s easier to build a detachment. I get that it’s irrational and it sounds really stupid as I type it out, but I can’t be anything other than myself.
I'm a Christian and have also experienced a lot of loss in the last few years. Am a mother of 5. Mortality is on my mind constantly these days from a different angle (I worry about my own death rather than the pain of another's death) and prayer and counseling has helped me deal with it.
I agree with M1 about energy not being destroyed - I think of life the same way, but because of my religious beliefs I think of energy as a soul. Our souls live on and that is a comfort to me. Something else that is a comfort is the knowledge that even though our lives will one day end, the impact we have on those we leave behind will continue.
Regardless of your religious/spiritual beliefs (or possible lack thereof), counseling helps. Prayer or other meditation helps. If it comes to it, medication helps too. Most companies have an Employee Assistance Program of some kind that usually includes a series of free counseling sessions. I would recommend that you contact HR and get the information.
I can unfortunately relate!