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1. Getting married extremely young.
2. Getting married because of the incentives: getting out of the barracks, the extra pay, family sep pay when deployed
3. Getting married abruptly due to OCONUS PCS.
4. Getting married abruptly due to dangerous deployments/ the risk of not returning home.
5. Being treated and spoken to like an adult and having some more agency over your schedule stateside due to family obligations
6. As a woman in aircraft maintenance, it was being off the market and not being seen as “fair game” to my coworkers or a threat to their wives.
All of these reasons I got married and they were all the wrong reasons. The first time I got married at 20 years old to an Army Ranger. People died every single deployment- that was in 2008. The second time I was AF and we were duel military but he got orders to Germany. The orders of course got cancelled and we realized we rushed into it.
We were also dual military. It definitely contributed to our divorce. We didn't have cell phones back then so when he got sent to SK for a year, it was hard to keep in contact. By the time he got back I knew it was over. Of course his infidelity didn't help the situation.
I can't stand the sight of him now (we have a son together who is 28). Thank God I don't have to deal with him anymore.
I felt like growing up; there are those milestones that are preached from a young age. Go to school, go to college, get a job, marry someone, buy a house, and have kids.
In the military, the sense of one’s mortality comes at a much younger age. This speeds up the milestones. Service members get married too young before realizing who they are as a person. They aren’t equipped to talk through things, and divorce though challenging, is easier than working through problems.
Having been divorced at 21 with my ex stealing my reenlistment bonus and buying her boyfriend a car while I was in Iraq, we weren’t equipped to set boundaries upfront—just my two cents.
KMPG one, unfortunately, some military spouses are not cut out to be military spouses, they don’t have the metal that it takes to live the life and the commitments and the sacrifice. I can’t tell you how heartbreaking that is for me, as I come from a long line of Spouses the did it the right way the stories break my heart. I hate that people run into women or spouses who can’t handle what they’ve committed to.
Got cheated on during my deployment to Afghanistan, and a lot of my insecurity / trust issues carried over into my relationships afterwards (even now a little bit) . Tough to commit to someone after you get Jody’ed downrange.
Divorce rate of women in the military is over twice that of men
A lot of guys I knew rushed into it at a young age for better benefits/housing. You also always had more freedom from the job when married due to family obligations, real or invented for time off.
Statistically, you’re 50% more likely to get divorced if you marry at 20 vs 25. There’s a goldilocks zone between 28 and 32 that has the highest chance of success, I’d say it’s unusual for most military to wait that long. Add in the stresses of the job and it makes sense for there to be a high divorce rate.
As a female veteran who married someone a second time in the service at 32yo I don’t think it really depends on the age honestly. My now ex-husband used deployments to actively cheat and then was finally caught as an SEO having relations with subordinates and is facing a court martial as we speak. Through our marriage he was a reservist that went back active duty and his full time job while a weekend warrior also helped him to actively cheat - on 10+ apps and websites. He was literally addicted to sex and the rush of starting new relationships turned predator when caught with thousands of photos of females in compromising positions. This dude was too far gone before I even got with him but I found out after a year of marriage and I stayed way too long thinking he would get help. Well now he’s forced to get help. I was also married at 19 mil to mil and he cheated in our town weeks before going to Korea for a year.
I really think it’s an opportunity problem - the opportunity presents itself while creating loneliness and boredom. I didn’t have time to be bored with a kid in tow. Just my opinion though. There are also not enough resources to actually get the help needed for either party and the threat of “it will go on your record” prevents a lot of people to seek help.
Rising Star
It’s been awhile since I read the statistics but I’m pretty sure the Enlisted divorce rate is higher than the national average while the Officer rate is quite a bit lower.
My main hypothesis on why this might be is the more demanding/less flexible nature of Enlisted life, both compared to Officers and civilians. There’s also the reality that many joes get married young to gain the relative freedom of moving out of the barracks, without being effective communicators or ready for the challenges of marriage.
Anecdotally I’d also say the dating pool in most Army towns is…not ideal. Had I been single while on active duty, the only women I’d have considered going out with would have been other Officers.
Read somewhere that it’s 1.7% - 2.0%. That’s actually lower than the civilian average at 2.5-3.0%
As a combat veteran, my relationships have not worked because I’m independent and I get bored easily. I think I need to always be in an adrenaline paced state. Maybe I’ll settle down some day, maybe I won’t.
Thanks Francis
I knew a lot of people who got married for the BAH and divorced later. Does that count?
That’s what was posted earlier, getting married for the incentives. Absolutely dumb idea.
Biggest contribution to divorce IMHO is that military service creates an environment where a couple can avoid the work of cultivating and maintaining a strong relationship.
As you said it there are plenty of reasons. I always believe that it really depends on the person. I have seen many successful relationships despite having their partners deployed somewhere far. It all boils down to how committed you are in the relationship. My friends and I had our wives and children waited for us all through those years and it made our relationship stronger than it was several years ago.
My experience and those I’ve known are quite the opposite. We married when I was 18, joined the military together 4 days later. I served two enlistments; he served 3 enlistments. Together 18 years, married for 16. My good friend was a tech school marriage and her and her husband are still together and about to hit their 20 year mark in service. I understand it’s rare!
Honestly, my relationship with my wife is more strained now than it was in service. I work so much.. I can't imagine divorce rates for consultants or bankers are any better.