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Enthusiast
Who wouldn’t want to date someone with no family?
its honestly really nice bc they’re 100% on your team and now you have a person to roll your eyes with when things go off the rails
Congrats on achieving your goal of big law! It sounds like now that you’ve reached it, you may be realizing your priorities lie elsewhere (developing personal relationships). That is something I really struggled with too and therapy has helped. If you don’t need this job financially (big IF), then maybe start planning your next steps. Happy to chat more if helpful.
I know friends with little to no contact with their families, both of whom date (and are successful at dating)
I’m gay, which makes it different (sadly, having little family is common). But a good person will see you for you. Just be good to yourself — sleep, get a haircut, try to get some exercise — small changes pay huge dividends in the dating world.
Mentor
Ok so… get a new job? People should want to date you for you, don’t sweat the rest.
If you are looking for family, look for a partner with family… a welcoming family. Just add it to your list of what you want in someone.
Enthusiast
Don’t think that the no-family thing counts against you! It’s good you cut out those who were unhealthy in your life.
The big law job is difficult to date (esp in the first and second years), but it does get easier to manage your own time as you get more senior. I started BL almost 30 and thinking I’d forever be single since I expected to have no time to date, but then I ended up meeting someone in the first few months of working, started dating him (he was incredibly understanding re my work so I lucked out), and now it’s been 4 years of our relationship/big law
Mentor
Don’t let the family thing hold you back.
Will someone reject you because you don’t have a close family? Maybe a few, but there are just as many if not more people out there who would see not having to spend any holidays with the in-laws as a good thing, particularly if they are very tight with their own family.
Also, find a good therapist to discuss these issues with if you haven’t already. They can help you cope with and overcome self-doubt.
I empathize with you on the family thing. If your mom is truly a narcissist, she has probably told you throughout your life that you’re going to be alone forever. Been there. I actually think that the first thing you need to do is hire a good therapist to help you silence the voices left over from your abusive parents. Once you’re in a better mindset, the other things will work themselves out.
First off congrats on the job!
Secondly, and I say this with love and kindness - a single person no kids working 60 hours a week is not (imho) some sort of crazy life. It’s all about prioritizing what’s important to you.
I don’t think it’s the no family that would be the barrier to dating, I think it’s the woe is me hum drum attitude.
Enthusiast
I agree with others that not having contact with your family shouldn't affect your personal relationships. I don't have much contact with my family either, and had no issues dating and getting married. It actually would be weird if a potential date held it against you. Anyway, I hope you'll meet someone you're looking for. It is tough with this job, but definitely possible. Sending my best wishes your way
Really empathize with you. It must be really hard, especially during this time of year. If I were you I would stay away from any triggers (like social media?), connect with a good friend who makes you happy, and find a good therapist to help dispel myths and critique that you might have internalized from your parents over the years.
Like everyone else has said, in terms of dating - most people wouldn’t care if you don’t have a big loving family. EVERY family has issues - some of the ones that seem big and happy have some toxic issues too. I think as people get older they start to really understand that and therefore might empathize more with those who have distanced themselves from toxic family members. Also remember that you can start a family.
Meeting someone in big law is hard but if you prioritize it, it is totally doable. Think about what kinds of boundaries you can set at work in order to create the time and mental space to do so.
Are you able to work remote? If so, move somewhere where prostitution is legal and no need to worry about "time" for dating, just walk to the red light district whenever you have time, pay a couple hundred, and get all the companionship you want at your convenience.
Would *strongly* advise against kissing though (trust me on this one).
Relatedly, does anyone have a good referral for an oral surgeon in the Amsterdam area?
Lmao this is such an autistic response. OP was talking about wanting a relationship, not needing to get a nut. Jeezus weirdo.
Don’t give up hope! It is definitely possible to find a significant other while working in Big Law. It may take some time, but all is not lost.
Enthusiast
I also never had much of a relationship with my dad and went no contact with my mom because she is a manipulative narcissist.
I found a terrific guy and now have two great kids. Not having a relationship with your parents doesn’t make you less of a catch! Plenty of people would want to date you for your personal qualities regardless of your family situation.
I did a few years in Biglaw. Unfortunately, my time in Biglaw overlapped with the time in my life when I realized the extent of my mom’s abuse and that I can no longer maintain a relationship with her. During those years, I was basically in a thick fog of depression. It was really tough and I’m really sympathetic to your situation.
Visual Storyteller
Become a swinger? New families to hug and kiss whenever you want (with consent, of course)
Coach
It’s not the hours. It’s being on-call at all times. Who wants to date someone who constantly has to bail because of work?