I’m a senior with dreams of going in-house. The maternity leave at the firm is great so the plan was to have a kid before I leave, but of course we’re struggling to conceive. My matters are stale and I feel very disconnected from my group. I can see my mid-levels getting ready to step into my shoes. I guess I just feel like I should be gone, but I’m not, and it’s really hard I’m struggling with depression and burn out and going off birth control didn’t help. (cont)

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Has anyone been in this situation, especially with the maternity leave/TTC pressure? I just feel so trapped. We took a beautiful vacation and it didn’t help at all. I’m just not sure how to keep doing this, but leaving 22 weeks of paid leave, infertility benefits, and this fat paycheck just seems stupid right now, especially when I’m not even very busy.

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A3, literally accidentally became a partner in this exact scenario. Been TTC and going through IVF for two years and the whole time just barely hanging on at the job because I want that damn maternity leave and not to have to start a new job pregnant.

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What’s wrong with just sticking it out as long as you can until someone gives you “the talk,” if they ever do? I guess the question is, what makes you feel like you “should be gone”?

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I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with a response to this and honestly, I don’t think I have one. The partners have told me they want me to stay right now. I’m really depressed and hormonal right now and that is probably the biggest contributor to me feeling like that. After talking it through with my partner, I think I just feel that way because I WANT to be gone because I associate that with having kids. The firm is putting zero pressure on me and I think I’m just projecting my feelings onto the firm right now. I’m sort of realizing that my unhappiness is so much more tied to trying for kids than work. I’m just really good at being upset about work and don’t know what to do with how I’m feeling right now.

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Interview. When you find something right (with good pay and benefits), you’ll jump. If you don’t, and you end up having a baby while still at a firm, milk maternity leave, vacation, and flex time. Staying because of the money doesn’t change or get it easier once you have kids.

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CC1 can I ask where? I’ve largely been looking at major contractors and the benefits are SO meh.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling to conceive. My heart breaks for you. Sounds like you’re having a tough time in a lot of areas and maybe reading that stress into your work. I was there a few weeks ago, the world was crumbling around me and I said work was the issue. It wasn’t. Take a long weekend this week and have a good cry, lay in bed all day, and eat take out. You’ll feel much better, and I bet those mid-levels aren’t thinking about taking your spot as much as you think they are.

likeuplifting

Thank you for this. I already feel a little better this morning after doing what you suggested last night. This isn’t really a work issue. It’s a me issue and work is just the easiest annoyance to blame.

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First off, I’m really sorry to hear about your fertility journey. Seeing how my coworkers and family responded to our miscarriage and fertility struggles, I feel like it’s an issue that you can’t fully empathize with unless you’ve walked through it.

Second, I wouldn’t hold up your job search if you’re career goal is to go in-house ultimately. Some in-house gigs have amazing benefits, so don’t write that off. And getting out of firm life and lowering stress can have immeasurable benefits to fertility.

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Great points. I’m going to start ramping up the search with a more open focus on benefits and see if I can’t find something. I’m in a very niche area so it’s a bit more of a waiting game, but there are a lot of opportunities out there so I’m hopeful.

I found out I was pregnant the day I interviewed for a job where I would have better WLB and ended up getting the offer. I turned it down bc ultimately I couldn’t walk away from my biglaw maternity benefits. So don’t let anyone tell you that’s a stupid reason to stay. The extra time with your baby will be WORTH IT. And you are smart to recognize that you are probably projecting stress of TTC onto the firm. It’s also okay to emotionally disassociate from work a bit when going through the emotions of TTC. Let the mid levels take the laboring oar while you step back to focus on yourself.

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I really appreciate the validation. I know I will always be a hard worker. It’s who I am and what I like. I just really feel like the extra time with my baby will be really important to me and I don’t want to give it up if I can avoid it.

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