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asked me out. I said no I can’t but didn’t elaborate. I figured that would be the end of it but he stopped by my office again later and continued the same thing. I don’t want to say anything to mgmt because he’s a POC himself but I’m frustrated by how inappropriate this is and would like some advice on how to shut it down.
First of all, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Men don't really have to deal with this issue. I think you care about this person's well-being, then you should be very direct and firm in your next conversation.
Just be blunt sis. Let him know what’s on the table (a meeting with HR if he doesn’t lay off). It’s uncomfortable but he seems to be missing obvious clues. It’s also a kinder approach I think than him suddenly being unemployed because he missed the cues
I hope everyone here knows that HR is not your friend.
Report him. He’ll be gone by next week. If he was attorney that would be one thing. But he is staff and shouldn’t even be engaging with you for longer than needed, let alone asking you out.
@A1:you literally say “but he is staff…” so you did make it about him being “staff”. You even thought “if he was an attorney that would be one thing”. What I don’t know but there you have it. Whatever that is. OP: tell him no. Tell him you’re getting uncomfortable with his persistence and you need this to stop now.
You could take the direct approach and tell him it’s inappropriate for him to make advances towards you when you are in a supervisory role and that you aren’t interested. I would be remiss if I didn’t say that there’s benefits to putting this in writing in case he tries to make it an HR thing.
…. Since youre in the senior position, id report it to HR or his manager despite feeling protective of fellow POC. I get it, but just because you’re protective of him doesn’t mean he will be of you and the position he has put you in is a bit precarious. If he acts like this towards you, who knows what other inappropriate behavior he has going on with other co-workers and staff. Protect yourself before he gets fired for bad behavior and starts lying about sexual harassment.
If you're not comfortable taking it straight to HR, you can raise it with one of your partners in your group since he's part of your group.
HR— paper trail. I’m a poc too— but he’s not taking no for THE answer. You also don’t need this to interfere with work performance. HR… without any type of warning to him. You are well within your right.
Not to mention— I learned recently but for different reasons, it’s very important to have boundaries with staff in general.
Maintain your boundaries; you don't date a coworker for a reason; it is not his right to make you feel uncomfortable at work. If you have a chance, I'd make it clearly obvious that "I'm not interested, and if you bring this up again, I'll bring management into this." Just a threat should be enough.