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Is it "deep tech" / "data science" or "smart enterprise" that they're doing? Any advice welcome.
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Coach
Respectfully, your friend sucks. This is a very personal decision that is not the same for everyone. If you both want it then go for it. It’s never easy - that’s not why we have kids.
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Coach
Lots of people have kids in their early 40s these days. As long as you can and it’s healthy (fertility obviously can be a factor), go for it. No one ever regrets giving their child a sibling.
I just had my second at 39; my son is almost 4. We did go through challenges and were elated to get pregnant (with help).
Coach
Deloitte 1- why so doom and gloom? I literally pointed out in my post that I have fertility challenges. I had a miscarriage last year with a baby that had a genetic disorder.
IVF and/or NIPT and other genetic tests can seriously cut down or eliminate the risk of birthing a disabled child in older women.
That’s why ART exists and helps women have children later in life.
Geez!! People act like 40 is 90. I know that probability of health risks is higher in 40s but it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. No matter the age, there is always the risk of something happening to the baby. My youngest is 4. I had her at 44. Conceived naturally at 43.
It was a goal. I didn’t have my first until 8 days before my 38th bday. I waited until I felt comfortable with a second child. I did miscarry my 2nd pregnancy but got pregnant within a few weeks of the D&C. I was devastated and told how old my ovaries were but I tried anyway.
Because it was a goal, I discussed with my OB and my primary (functional medicine doctor) to discuss my health prior to conception. You must do what is good for you and your family. Our youngest is the cherry on top of our family.
I have fun. I don’t know if I’m more or less energetic. I just refuse to live my life by a number. I respect the number but ….. I mean, really. This is a personal decision for you. My parents thought I was crazy and worried. I didn’t let that deter what I knew was right for me and my family.
Enjoy your life. Have another baby or not … it’s up to you.
I agree with another poster--your friend does suck! If you want to try for a second kid, go for it! I had my first and only in my 40s. Yes, I was a bit more tired than the other moms at day care. We don't have family nearby. The other older moms and I became each others' support systems. Life experience has made me calmer, and gave me a figurative well to draw from on emotionally difficult days. It's pretty easy for me to ignore criticisms and ill-informed advice. Being a two-career household, we have $ to outsource things like housekeeping and we take vacations. Hope this helps!
Had my kids at 41 and 44. Two healthy pregnancies and two healthy babies. It wasn’t my intent to have kids in my 40s, but that’s life. Am I tired? Yes. Any regrets? Nope! There are plenty of older moms around though I will say many of my friends with same age kids are younger than I am. It’s ok. Don’t listen to the naysayers. You figure it all out.
Thank you 🙏
I had my 3rd (planned) 4 months before I turned 40…it’s your decision Mama. Go for it!
Many women/families are having babies later in life.
I have a different opinion similar to your friend’s. There is a higher chance of not having a neurotypical child and that will make your life insanely harder especially when you have no family support nearby.
My child is on the spectrum and I am drained day in and day out. While I don’t regret it, I do not want to have another child because of I won’t be able to be a good Mom to both. Special needs kids take up a lot of time, finances, and emotions.
I had one mid 20s and one at almost 40 and I’m finding it easier this time around. My career is more established so I make more and have more flexibility, I also matured abit about life in general. I thought I would be the oldest mom everywhere but I’m not at all. It’s more common than you would think.
If that’s what you want go for it.
Numerical age and psychological age are not the same thing. I take care of my self better than 99.9% of the population and I am healthier in my mid 30s than I was in my early 20s.
I have a friend who used to say having kids in your 30s can cause problems. She’s 5 years younger than younger than I am. She struggled to get pregnant for 6 months and we got pregnant both times in first try. She also has no energy and is extremely unhealthy.
These generalizations are made over 10s if not 100s of millions of women. In reality, health is so unique and individualized it is nearly impossible to generalize. You know your own health and abilities more than your friend does. She’s probably projecting.
Well said. Thank you.
I’m expecting my youngest child at 40 and I’m so excited for my daughter to have a sister (she had been begging for a sister for over 8 months). Husband and I discussed it, he’s 5 years older than I, and we went for it! I don’t think we will ever regret giving our child the gift of a sibling for life. Kids keep you young and regardless of the sacrifices of parenthood, my bet is that you’ll enjoy it. Waiting longer was going to make this decision tougher for everyone and the gap in age between siblings larger.
We looked after two kids today for 8 hours as my friend is having an emergency and had to drop off her 4-year old daughter. We have a 5 year old girl. Regardless of age, two kids seems very hard! I’m 42, and was exhausted at the end of the day. I don’t think I’d be a good mother and we’d be a happy family with two kids. Maybe it could’ve worked if I could be a stay at home mother and/or if we had a nanny/family support etc.
I agree probably 50% of the difficulty was it was a new setting to all of us. I imagine 40% is you need proper support systems and a good parenting rhythm with your partner. Let’s leave 10% for “other”. I didn’t feel like it would be any different if I was 10 years younger so don’t think age is much of a factor in level of difficulty. The only thing with age is, I feel like I’m getting tired of corporate life and more kids mean later retirement for me. I also would want to be a stay at home mother at least for a while, if I had two kids. So it’s less about lower energy to look after kids due to age, more about financials for me.