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Turn those expenses into investments! Discover the power of smart financial choices and watch your money grow. It's not just about managing, it's about multiplying. I’m a crypto merchant who once had similar issues. Let’s talk if you’re interested in having a conversation
Overspending consistently is you avoiding a basic responsibility of being an adult.
Asking your spouse to manage you and wanting to “run every expense by them” is also you avoiding the responsibility of being adult AND adding mental load go your partner essentially asking them to be the responsible one x 2.
So no. I suggest similar to the comment above, give your cc to your spouse. Set up a prepaid debit card with a fixed amount each week or month and that’s it. If you spend it all day one, well guess what - no more money till next month. That is the way you learn consequences and adult behavior.
Pro
How ableist can you be with a comment like this?
Due to the rampant misogyny of the behavioral health field for so many years, I wasn’t able to get my ADHD and autism diagnoses until I was well into middle age. As a result, I was a compulsive spender because I needed something to cope with all the challenges I was dealing with when nothing that I was trying (therapy, antidepressants) was working, due to 30 years of misdiagnoses, since no one wanted to believe that adult women could be neurodivergent.
It almost destroyed me.
So yeah…stop assuming that everyone operates like you do. Some of us have to start with both arms tied behind our backs.
I’d try divorce first.
Why would your spouse be less stressed if you turn the responsibility of your spending over to them? It sounds like you should try cash envelopes or a prepaid debit card so you can learn how to be responsible. Turning your spouse into the spending policy won’t teach you anything and will likely just annoy them or cause more stress.
Something that we did when we were struggling with self control and over spending was we put our credit cards in a bag of water and put them in the freezer (it does not hurt the card or chip). When we wanted to use it we would first need to defrost the bag of water usually by putting it on the counter and wait. If we still needed or wanted to buy that item after it was thawed then we would. The added effort usually meant that whatever it was that we were buying was something we wanted or needed bad enough that we were willing to wait. It sounds silly but we live in a world of convenience and we don’t like when something is inconvenient and often times find other ways to meet those needs before using the credit card.
I think you should give your cards to your spouse (keep the accounts open) and get a prepaid card and have your spouse load money onto it either daily, weekly, or whatever works for your family. That way you are unable to spend more than allotted to you. It sounds like guilt and shame won’t stop you so it seems like a roadblock is what you need. If you end up making purchases instead of buying groceries, paying for medicine, etc, then you should give up financial autonomy and seek therapy.
What are you spending on?
Can you work fun/flexible money into the budget.
But if you keep going over even a high amount that is a serious problem.
Don’t make it your spouses problem though.
Don’t “give the card to them”
But maybe cut up your cards and send the money you’ll need each month to a debit account, so you can’t spend beyond it.
I did that b/c I genuinely don’t trust myself with money and thankfully my spouse was willing to take on that responsibility.
But before you do that, can you let us know what you overspend on? Going out, clothing, electronics, etc.?
Compulsive shopping is recognized as a form of addiction, so therapy could be helpful too.
I have the same problem - it’s mostly on home stuff. We bought a large house a couple of years ago and the temptation to continue to furnish it beautifully is what gets me. I’ve never put us into debt (and never would) but we’re not saving very much (minus retirement) even with two high incomes. I’m only 26 fwiw, but I think I use that as a justification that I’m in my mid-20s so this is okay, as I have friends going into debt for trips with no home equity or savings at all, or just finishing school. I need to stop that though.
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What I do is track every penny I spend and see how that impacts my ability to achieve my major financial goals (paying off my mortgage early, making my emergency fund more robust, funding my retirement, saving for a new car). This time last year, I was grossly overspending on games I was playing in phone apps, and so when I saw how much I was wasting there, I figured out an alternative that would allow me to enjoy playing games on my phone without the huge expense (Apple Arcade, which I bundled with Apple Music, Apple News and Apple TV+ for about $20/month).
I continue to track my expenses look at what I can get rid of and what I want to keep spending money on that is going to continue to make me happy and allow me to achieve my financial goals. It’s something I’ll do until the day I lose my marbles or die, whichever comes first. 😁
By doing this, I’ve been able to have a lot more peace of mind when it comes to my finances.
Regardless of how you decide to handle it, kudos for acknowledging your issue and being willing to make a change.
My spouse had the same issue when we first got married, and over a couple years was able to change money habits. It has helped save A TON of financial stress and arguing in our marriage.
Just get YNAB and get a handle on your spending yourself. The app will help you
Just go cash (and/or debit card) only. You could set up a bank account just for your fun money, transfer the amount you’ve budgeted every month, then only carry that debit card or the cash from that account. Then freeze your credit cards online and cut up the physical cards. As a single person this is what I’ve had to do to force myself to stop overspending.