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When the partner checks in on the junior associate
Anyone from AMEX project?
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Hi , my base location is kolkata in ibm . And i just shifted to kolkata with my family. However i am tagged to a project Barclays client which is in pune and bangalore. Is there any chance of my base location getting changed any day in future in IBM.
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I love watching Grace and Frankie 🙈
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In my perspective you may have been a little over sensitive. I have also told people to google things. Its just a form of direct feedback to stop people from getting in the habit of using their manager as a crutch for questions that they could proactively seek out themselves.
Within my team “google it” is a perfectly valid answer and not meant in a mean or short way. Depending on the field, if you are in an area where essentially nobody knows all the answers and there is some digging and researching involved, Googling is a given and you shouldn’t take that personally. BUT the delivery/tone does matter.
As a boss, here's my take:
* Before you ask a question, make sure the answer isn't already available to you. Y'all have research skills and are supposed to be critical thinkers. I'm happy to answer more complex questions or educate on matters requiring more nuance than google can provide, but do the minimum first so you can ask an informed question.
* Unless your supervisor called you a name while also telling you to google, I really hope you didn't literally tell them they hurt your feelings. Wow. That's a sure way to earn a reputation as a soft, insecure and immature individual who doesn't understand the difference between professional and personal interactions. Your boss gave you professional critical feedback that you should use to improve; your boss can be friendly, but your boss - at this stage in your career - is not your friend.
I agree with the other woman in here about young women needing to grow a thicker skin. I have had two F direct reports who cried every time I gave them a performance review - and most of the review was praise! Never would one of my M reports do that. I'm a kind person, so I naturally pulled some punches with those women, and in turn their performance continued to suffer until it was harming the collective team and in one case led to a PIP. I'm not suggesting women turn a blind eye to real abuse or discrimination, but you have to get past the myth that everyone has to love you and give unending praise. Learn to be your best advocate, don't turn into a pile of mush whenever your cute manager or nothing-but-business boss talks to you, and play the corporate game!
Two things that I would like to share/point out with VP2.
I cry when I get positive performance reviews as well. It is due to the cognitive dissonance that people who are depressed or grew up abused can suffer from. I also cry when I have an adrenaline rush, when I see an olympian pull off an amazing stunt, and when I hear beautiful music. It is really difficult for me to explain to my male supervisors that while I do tend to cry easily it doesn't mean I have thin skin. It is just the physical reaction I have to sudden changes in emotion. And it isn't something I can turn off at a moments notice.
I would also like to point out that it actually is important for women to be well liked in the office. There have been studies that link being an unliked woman in the office leads to fewer promotions, less pay, and lower preferred projects. It is an extremely thin line to walk between likable and professional. Especially if your boss won't give you honest feedback.
I can guarantee you, he’s not thinking anything about it. You shouldn’t either.
I’m sorry that women are so insecure in the workplace they have to take it out on me but you’re the reason no one likes you and it’s not because you’re hyper sensitive it’s because you lack empathy and feel like you have something to prove. I don’t represent all women. You really think that advice that I’m letting all women down? If you’re not getting taken seriously that’s your problem and it’s because you’re a rude b
Rising Star
OP - please stop playing victim. Lots of men are also replying saying that you shouldn’t ask simple questions that you admit googling did answer. You got some great advice from this thread. The last four messages come off very victim-like and entitled. Whatever you do (regardless of being a man or woman) do NOT say anything like that to your coworkers such as “I’ve been through trauma I’m hyper sensitive.” At the end of the day very few people will care. Work is about professionalism. If something were to happen to you such as an accident in the family or losing a pet (just random ideas that came to mind) yes that is appropriate to tell your coworkers if it’s impacting your work - but no one will have sympathy from you having past trauma. You said your dad helped you with everything growing up and I think you’re used to people being very helpful but let this be a wake up call that this is not the norm. I’m not saying it should never be the norm but it’s just not how it is in corporate America.
I’m sorry you feel personally attacked (and some people are doing that I agree) but a majority of the responses were positive and helped you understand where your senior is coming from. Focus on the positive and change your approach for the better. Do not let a few comments from internet strangers bring up childhood trauma and ruin your weekend. Go to therapy or vent to friends for that - don’t let the strangers on the internet win
Listen, I was abused as a child. So I am hyper sensitive. We don’t know peoples stories.
To add I feel that a lot of folks are just sensitive, I agree with D3 on so many levels, it is not our bosses job to know our past and to approach us as delicate flowers it is our job to fix ourselves or in other words learn how to live in the real world after real trauma.
I find it rude that you would think it is your boss/manager lead/supervisor or owner of the company job to change their perspective and their way of running a business to tend to your personal situation if that is the case they would have to do that for every single employee and to be honest that would just be insane.
Every job by now has a HIPAA law it is there for a reason. Personally I wouldn’t want my boss to know my childhood trauma I would want my boss to know that I am reliable a quick thinker and I get the job done
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Somebody give a quick rundown of this post and comments plz
Rising Star
You forgot the part where she admits google answered her simple excel question
Rising Star
Sounds like you are both on different wavelengths regarding what is okay. If he just said “google it” he might have been serious. I’ve had analysts ask me simple questions and after I was helpful would always ask me for every little thing - so I eventually did ask them to google it.
If it’s a question that didn’t have a straightforward answer and he said this in a demeaning way he probably wanted to pass along the message that he doesn’t want to help you anymore. It’s a great sign he apologized but I think he just doesn’t want you to bother him anymore (especially now that you’ve communicated he hurt your feelings).
Rising Star
Yeah OP I’ve done this for everyone who is new. Very helpful in the beginning. Usually most people get the hang of things and/or branch out. Have had about 2-3 folks who seemingly stopped trying to learn on their own and started relying on me heavily so I resorted to 1) telling them to google it or look it up in the firm’s directory and 2) ignoring them for a while and once I reach out surprise surprise they found another person who gave in and answered their seemingly easy question
Not saying you’re asking silly questions but if you’re constantly coming to him he may be tired of always being there to answer you
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It’s 5pm on a Friday, unless he works late usually, I’d be out the office. W/e his reply was May be the last until Monday. But that’s just me. 🤷🏾♀️ I wouldn’t worry about it or over analyze if I were you. But then again, would I 🤔🤔
Conversation Starter
He said I was a “busy girl”
Pro
Yes
Enthusiast
Its harsh but I tell people the same thing when im busy and its pretty easy
Rising Star
Depends on what you asked. Telling someone to just google it is actually rude af if its nuanced information youre seeking. If it wasnt nuanced i still think it was rude to say but id be thinking it.
Conversation Starter
Oh please my first job I got told “well accounting 101” or “hey this isn’t H&R Block” all fair comments when I look back at it
You’re kidding right
I have trauma I’m working through. I’m glad you can’t relate
I Regret asking and getting railed into over and over again
She's tends to be overly dramatic, not sure if you've noticed lol
As someone who has worked in customer service the majority of my career, I am going to take the stance that leadership should strive to be supportive while encouraging their employees to be more self sufficient, especially with new hires who may not have completed their first 90 days. The message could have been conveyed in a better way. As someone shared, a more productive and encouraging exchange would have been to ask if OP had attempted to locate the answer themselves and then encouraged them to consider what the best course of action would be. For people who are saying "grow a thicker skin", it is EQUALLY important for leadership to encourage open communication and an environment where employees are not afraid to come to them with questions and use appropriate opportunities to encourage and teach skills such as self reliance.
Every person has a different communication and work style, while leadership shouldn't have to wear kid gloves, a good manager or supervisor will take the time to learn how their team members operate and adjust their communication style accordingly. One size fits all is an outdated and potentially toxic mindset.
Thank you for not being a complete total non empathetic a hole that most of the people have been on here
Def do your research in depth before asking questions. Instead of just asking a direct question say, “I have reviewed the FS and PYFS for operating expenses and I don’t understand why our recalculation changed in Interim testing this year…” My point is your question should show that you have done your best effort to investigate on your own before asking for help. Also, definitely discuss w/Senior at a time when they are available (don’t just ping them, instead visit their office hours). Hope this helps.
Pro
Google is better than Bing
You don’t have time for feelings at work. You’re there to do a job. Nobody cares about peoples feelings. Be polite and never rude, but direct.
Time to put on your big girl pants. This isn’t college and there are no safe spaces in work or life
Rising Star
Whatever corporate life is so harsh I’m gonna be a therapist
You literally told a coworker they hurt your feelings? Hate to break it to you but if a colleague told me I hurt his feelings I'd lose any respect I have for them.
If they tell me "hey man, that was a pretty rough way to respond. What's up with that?" Or something else along those lines then I'm good but straight up talking about feelings? No way.
I think IC1 makes a good point about what is and isn’t appropriate to say in a professional environment. I’m also not bothered by IC1 saying they would lose respect for anyone who said their feelings were hurt. It’s honest feedback and that’s the point of this forum.
Also it doesn’t matter if he is a male or a female tbh I was just describing him but could have left that out.
Honestly, as a person *everyone comes to about everything*, there is a point where you have to put the responsibility back on the asker to try to find the answer first before hitting the easy button. It may seem small/simple but when 20, 30 people ask me questions all day long, it adds up. I'll usually ask 'Where have you already looked to find the answer?' because if I can help create content or processes that help to make everyone more independent at their job, I will try to ensure that happens.
That being said, my recommendation for the future would be to *try* looking things up first. Then if you need help from your senior (or anyone) you can say 'I googled X and tried doing ABC, but I've hit a wall, do you happen to know blahblah?' or 'I checked X company knowledge bank but couldn't find anything relevant there. Could you point me in the direction of someone who can answer Y question?'
Letting them know how you tried to find the answer first will ensure them you're not just hitting the easy button. I'd never respond with simply 'Google it' (does come off a bit rude to me but 🤷🏻♀️ people communicate differently), however I do encourage folks to think about how many questions someone answers and answers repeatedly before they just shoot over that Slack message.
F this